Unusual Parenting 1960s and 1970s . Can you help?

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

I have MH problems at the moment, triggered by recent events and possibly deep seated trauma. It got me thinking about my childhood and two things stick out and I wonder if they were normal at the time?
We were an affluent family living in an affluent area. We had good toys , good food , holidays abroad , lacking in little

My parents went out regularly, having put us to bed with no babysitter. Probably from when I was about 3 , certainly remember it when I was about 5 or 6; my 8 year old brother being in charge. They came back occasionally to check we were ok. Probably asleep.

My mum kept a stick in the kitchen and used it to hit me and my brothers if we misbehaved. It might have been a dog play thing too. Not sure . I remember where it was kept, in full sight and being scared of it.

Once , she banged my brothers heads together . I told my dad that evening , he did tell her never to do that again. But he did use his belt , not on me but once each, on my 2 brothers that I am aware of.

Is this how other children were treated then? I don’t see my brothers a lot , have no contact with one of them , the other brother dismissed another school incident ( of a child being dragged down the corridor by their hair) as “it just being the 70s” . I worry about their MH too.

not necessarily banging heads together and leaving us unsupervised.

I grew up in 80s. we were spanked, hit with sticks, slippers, shouted at etc. it was normal unfortunately :/

Not saying it was right but I think it probably was normal. I watched an old video of Butlins - probably from the 60s. They actually advertised that you could leave your children alone in your holiday home and go out and have a good night out without them. Parents were told to leave a ribbon on the door so that other people knew there were children left on their own! The video featured very young children too
My FIL apparently used to hit DH and his brother with a stick when they were children - that was in the 80s.

I think it was fairly common for parents to socialise with neighbours over the road and pop to and fro. I think my parents may have done this a few times. I don't know how common physical punishment was but since it was still happening in schools then I assume disciplining with the threat of the wooden spoon or similar was not uncommon. But OP, sadly physical abuse and neglect are not uncommon, whatever the norms of the time, and its not OK that this is how you were treated

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and most of it was pretty typical for the time.

I was a v well behaved child so only ever got smacked by hand rather than belt but I know a lot of kids my age got the belt or slipper at home. And indeed at school, corporal punishment was only banned when I was at secondary school, prior to that you'd get the board rubber thrown at you in class if you weren't paying attention.

My mum was very risk averse so never left me at home (plus I'm an only child) but a lot of family and friends left children indoors whilst at parties at neighbours houses, or the Butlins thing mentioned above.

Different times etc.

Sounds about right.

We were left to roam the roads while they went to the pub.

Sleeping in the boot of the car too.

Leathered with a belt.

Not normal for me. I got slapped a few times but that was all. I had a babysitter when I was eight (and other times I’m sure, just remember that occasion).

I grew up in the late 60s / 70s / early 80s and it wouldn’t have been the norm in our house . My parents never smacked and didn’t really go out without us , if they did we had a babysitter until my eldest sister was old enough to take charge . There are always lots of threads on here about 60/70s children being left outside pubs with a bottle of pop and a bag of crisps whilst the parents got pissed but that lifestyle is unrecognisable to me .

i am a child of the 60's
was never left alone.never hit with a stick, or hurt physically. grew up on a nice council estate in leafy surrey. we didn't roam the streets, sis play out but mainly in gardens.

Not sure about the unsupervised bit. Although I can remember being left in hotel rooms on my own while my parents went out. But at home there was always some sort of babysitter. But the hitting heads together and being belted etc were common in the 60s.

Yes it was different then. We were smacked for being “naughty” (only by mum, dad never smacked but did shout). My older brother was left in charge of us 3 younger ones, probably from when he was 12.

Sounds about right to me

We were left outside the pub in the car too I remember . With pop and crisps . Hungry Sunday evenings whilst they had a cricketer‘s tea and more in the pub.

Maddie Mccann's parents thought it was OK to leave their 3 kids in a hotel room while they went out to dine , that was 2007. It's not just something that happened in one particular era .

70's childhood. No controlled physical punishments - DM didn't believe in smacking. ( that's not to say she never lost her temper and lashed out in anger)

We would have regular babysitters to cover the period between getting home from school and Dad getting home from work ( DM used to leave for work a couple of hours before Dad got home ) They also used babysitters if they were going out for an evening .

They didn't bother with babysitters if they were going to one of the neighbours for a party. They would just pop back to check on us every now and again.

On holiday they would leave us asleep in a caravan or bed and breakfast and go to the clubhouse or bar.

Also if they went to a pub during the day we'd be left outside on bench or in the car and occasionally provided with a bottled coke and a packet of crisps to keep us happy.

Sleeping bags in boot of estate car for late night journeys home from anywhere.

I remember being tucked up in bed at a hotel watching a Bond film while parents went out for dinner. We must have been 5&7. Early 90s.

And spanking.

I also used to leave Primary school by myself, catch a bus to the local town (2 buses to be exact, I had to change) and go to the music centre for lessons. I had to look after the money for the bus at school. From the age of 9.

I was born in the early 1960s and my parents never went out without leaving us with a babysitter (admittedly they didn't go out much). They didn't pay babysitters but were in a 'babysitting circle' and 'paid' each other with tokens that you could only earn by babysitting for others in the same group. It was a good system I think.

My father never gave us physical punishment but my mother very occasionally smacked us on the bottom with the flat side of a hairbrush or 'shook' us.

I was born in the mid 70s. My parents were a lot stricter than a lot of my peers and I was regularly given leatherings by my dad but no objects were used. I knew one boy in the street was belted regularly (never his sister) so as much as I hated it I was glad I wasn't him.

I would say having a stick to hit your child with was not normal.

How were they towards you emotionally?

I don't really think it matters whether or not it was normal for the time, if it affects you then you need support to deal with the aftermath.

I would also say that leaving kids alone to socialise was not normal either.

We weren’t left alone in the house, and always had babysitters, but were unsupervised a lot when out playing out. Often for hours at a time.

Smacking, including with slippers and a belt, yes.

However, they were loving parents and educated, thoughtful people. I think it was just the norm in their own childhoods.

Let’s face it , there is no normal , every decade / generation has its share of shit parents , it’s just unfortunate if you were the child who got the shit parents . It’s not a generational thing , or excused by saying it was the norm , because it wasn’t the norm for everyone .

Unsupervised was very common.

@starrynight21

Maddie Mccann's parents thought it was OK to leave their 3 kids in a hotel room while they went out to dine , that was 2007. It's not just something that happened in one particular era .

Yes but that's unusual - I don't know anyone IRL who'd consider that normal parenting.

I think that LadyCaroline has hit the nail on the head that for many 60s/70s parents this may be how they were brought up and attitudes have gradually changed over thr last century.

My siblings and I were born in the 70s and there was no physical punishment, or any 'punishment' at all that I recall but this is unusual among my friends. I suspect that my DM had probably subscribed to a new way of parenting thinking, like parents do now about things, but I have never asked her.

We weren't left alone. Can't remember either of my parents hitting any of us. We did go out to play after breakfast, nip back for lunch, out till tea time (streets were quieter then, we played in the street or local park or woods). Once at primary school after the fist year we'd walk to school on our own, often after the first few weeks if there was a big brother/sister then they walked you to school.

Not normal at all to me. I'm sure slapping was common, though I never was. Hitting with a stick was frowned on even then.

My dad was strict but a look from him was enough.

I grew up on a very nice council estate. We were never left, even with a babysitter, except a few times at New Year's Eve, when my parents went next door and popped back to check. Next door was the flat next door, and the doors were only a few feet apart.

Some of the men went to the pub I'm sure, but eating out was very rare indeed.

@Floralnomad

I grew up in the late 60s / 70s / early 80s and it wouldn’t have been the norm in our house . My parents never smacked and didn’t really go out without us , if they did we had a babysitter until my eldest sister was old enough to take charge . There are always lots of threads on here about 60/70s children being left outside pubs with a bottle of pop and a bag of crisps whilst the parents got pissed but that lifestyle is unrecognisable to me .

The same. I had a wonderful, idyllic childhood with loving, supportive parents who never left unsupervised or laid a finger on us. We are a close family and mum & dad had a really strong marriage and us kids were at the heart of it. I appreciate that maybe I'm lucky reading this but people who unfortunately had a more difficult childhood seem to assume their experience was the norm. It's not.