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Original poster

What’s a baby shower all about

52 replies

TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 14:25

I’ve managed to reach 45yrs old without attending a baby shower.

Will be attending one next week.

I can’t shake the feeling that it’s a bit showy and cringe.

Why can’t gifts and well wishes be given once the baby is safely arrived?

OP posts:
Mariell · 01/10/2021 14:26

Greed and attention seeking.

Mariell · 01/10/2021 14:28

Basically it’s, ‘look at me, I’m having a baby, bring me a present!’

DownWhichOfLate · 01/10/2021 14:29

Depends who organises it and what they’ve said it’ll be. It could just be lunch before a colleague goes on maternity leave.

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Events & celebrations Families
SummerHouse · 01/10/2021 14:30

Not for me. I have hosted two and they were lovely but I would rather sit in a bath of cold beans than have one for myself. So very cringe.

However, if you are going to one you just have to paint on a smile and they are good fun.

Peanutsandchilli · 01/10/2021 14:30

Narcissism.

Original poster
TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 14:30

The mother to be in this instance didn’t even want one, her mates have arranged it.

Cue a billion WhatsApp messages dictating what we are allowed to buy, who should get what, wrapping themes, dietary requirements…

OP posts:
TheSpiral · 01/10/2021 14:32

I am also in my 40s and have only been to two. I do agree with presents being better given when baby is here, and am not the biggest fan of a baby shower. But in terms of what drives them, I think in many cases it is similar to a hen night. Hen nights used to be "last chance to go out on the town with your girlfriends before you settle down to married life" (I know that isn't the case, but that's the idea isn't it). I see baby showers as "let's get all my friends together and have a nice time in my house so I don't have to waddle off anywhere in my heavily pregnant state, because pretty soon logistically it will be hard to do that, for a few years anyway."

SGChome20 · 01/10/2021 14:32

It’s a waste of time and another American thing that we brought over here. Don’t think it’s necessarily showy, more that people (or peoples friends) feel like it’s the done thing so they better do it. One of my friends had a last lunch out before the baby and her best friend got a few treats, maybe a balloon which I thought was nice. No need for all the tacky games and things though!

LawnFever · 01/10/2021 14:32

Wrapping themes?? Wtf?? I’ve been to a couple which were for work colleagues before they go on mat leave but the concept in general irritates me.

BeepingBB · 01/10/2021 14:32

God I hate baby shower.

TreeSmuggler · 01/10/2021 14:34

Really OP? I didn't have a baby shower so I'm not defending mine or offended, but come on, it's obviously a party, with the theme of celebrating a first baby. You go to a friends house and have a chat and a bite to eat with friends.

Why does anyone ever have any party? Why celebrate birthday, new year, marriage, anniversary, graduation, christmas?

Why can't you celebrate when the baby is here? Well read some threads on here, according to most of them people aren't up to even putting the kettle on, let alone hosting a party.

I could also ask why so many people feel the need to show off how cool they are with this faux naivety, "what is a baby shower, I just have no idea at all because I'm sooooo above it".

CallMeRisley · 01/10/2021 14:34

I think they started as genuinely a helpful thing for a new, first time mum-to-be to “shower” them with useful things they’d need for the baby such as blankets, towels, nappies etc, as well as a time to share stories and impart wisdom from older, more experienced mothers in the family and community. However they have obviously taken on a life of their own since then. I don’t think they’re inherently bad, and can be done nicely and tastefully but are obviously open to abuse from showy, grabby “look-at-me” Mum-zilla types. I have two children and I never had one, despite friends and my sister offering to organise.

Original poster
TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 14:43

@TreeSmuggler

Really OP? I didn't have a baby shower so I'm not defending mine or offended, but come on, it's obviously a party, with the theme of celebrating a first baby. You go to a friends house and have a chat and a bite to eat with friends.

Why does anyone ever have any party? Why celebrate birthday, new year, marriage, anniversary, graduation, christmas?

Why can't you celebrate when the baby is here? Well read some threads on here, according to most of them people aren't up to even putting the kettle on, let alone hosting a party.

I could also ask why so many people feel the need to show off how cool they are with this faux naivety, "what is a baby shower, I just have no idea at all because I'm sooooo above it".

Thanks for the explanation, TreeSmuggler - super helpful.

No faux naivety here - generally don’t know what they’re about, having never been to one. I’ve had 3 kids, generally people popped by after with a card and a gift in the days or weeks after.

And made their own tea.

OP posts:
WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 01/10/2021 14:46

I had a baby shower organised for me by my sister, I was slightly sceptical but it was lovely, just a group of close family and friends getting together for tea and cake for a couple of hours to celebrate.
I think they’re like anything, they can be modest or OTT depending on who is organising it.

Original poster
TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 14:47

This is definitely not a cup of tea and a slice of cake thing, judging by the WhatsApp group 😂

OP posts:
TreeSmuggler · 01/10/2021 14:51

No faux naivety here - generally don’t know what they’re about, having never been to one.

Really? No idea at all? The clue is in the name isn't it? Baby shower. I've never been to say, a 50th birthday party, but I can work out what it is. A party and the idea for having the party is that someone is turning 50.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2021 14:53

If you don’t want to go and think it’s stupid then don’t. No one needs you there being negative or wide eyed.

I didn’t want one but I’ve been to many and organised several.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2021 14:54

Additionally, you’ve clearly got internet access. Have you heard of google? It’s a gold mine of useful information on a variety of topics.

Marylou2 · 01/10/2021 14:57

I'm 53 and pretty judgemental and miserable. I love a baby shower! Obviously only providing the mum to be is close friend or relative. Take her something nice, play guess how many cm the bump is, stuff yourself with cupcakes. What's not to like? Totally sympathetic to those with fertility issues etc.

Ughmaybenot · 01/10/2021 14:58

I’ve been to a lot of baby showers in the past couple of years, and my own is in two weeks.
In my circles, you tend to only have one for the first baby, and it’s just a lovely, happy reason to get the women you’re closest to together, have some cake, have a cup of tea, maybe play some fairly inoffensive games and generally have a nice time.
I bring a gift, and then don’t buy another after baby is here so I don’t think it’s particularly ‘grabby’ seeing as you’d do that for a new mum close to you anyway. Some have asked for no gifts, and some for a single book from each person for baby, I liked that one myself.
I know it’s not very mumsnet to say it, we’re meant to be farrrrr better than that and miles above baby showers, but I always enjoy them.

Original poster
TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 14:58

@TreeSmuggler

No faux naivety here - generally don’t know what they’re about, having never been to one.

Really? No idea at all? The clue is in the name isn't it? Baby shower. I've never been to say, a 50th birthday party, but I can work out what it is. A party and the idea for having the party is that someone is turning 50.

😂

Alright Clever Clogs

OP posts:
Original poster
TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 14:58

@AnneLovesGilbert

Additionally, you’ve clearly got internet access. Have you heard of google? It’s a gold mine of useful information on a variety of topics.
Thanks - top tip 👍
OP posts:
Original poster
TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 15:01

I think I’ll manage to attend with a smile and some enthusiasm - it’s my relative who I care about so will of course get in the spirit.

New baby always exciting. But I prefer to celebrate once it’s here and all is well.

OP posts:
WheelieBinPrincess · 01/10/2021 15:02

There is one thing worse.

Gender reveal.

I’ve only ever had to go to one, and I faked a migraine to leave, because they started to play a ‘game’ where various foodstuffs were smeared on nappies and you had to sniff them to guess what they were.

Marmite, mustard, peanut butter etc.

The humanity.

SalsaLove · 01/10/2021 15:05

So many of you can’t imagine anything beyond your own cultural norms. It’s embarrassing.