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Original poster

What’s a baby shower all about

52 replies

TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 14:25

I’ve managed to reach 45yrs old without attending a baby shower.

Will be attending one next week.

I can’t shake the feeling that it’s a bit showy and cringe.

Why can’t gifts and well wishes be given once the baby is safely arrived?

OP posts:
MeadowHay · 01/10/2021 15:05

I'm only in my twenties so plenty of time but I've never been invited to one yet. I also haven't had them for either of my kids and I have a few friends who have had kids over the last few years and none had a baby shower. I didn't want one, it seems like inviting people to a party for them to buy you stuff, i didn't want to put pressure on people to do that especially as it would probably have just meant even more useless stuff we didn't want or need. Plus the expense of hosting. Plus I don't really like to be the centre of attention generally either. DM was quite disappointed as wanted me to have a small one but I insisted I didn't want one.

Soupseason · 01/10/2021 15:06

In real life they are a chance for friends and family to come together, show support & celebrate someone you love before they have their baby. On mumsnet they are something to claim you've no idea what it is, never heard of, feel superior because you didn't have one and of course a chance to scoff at it being a tacky 'Americanism' ( also see Halloween). If you don't want to go don't go.

Original poster
TheShockOfItAll · 01/10/2021 15:17

Well, I’ve got the answers I was looking for so thank you all Smile

Off to crawl back under my (morally superior) rock.

I do love Halloween though…

OP posts:

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Events & celebrations Families
notacooldad · 01/10/2021 15:17

Greed and attention seeking
Basically it’s, ‘look at me, I’m having a baby, bring me a present!
Narcissism
Ridiculous!!
They weren't around when I was pregnant but I have been to a few over the last few years. They have always been organized by a friend of the mum to be.
It's been a nice afternoon tea or house gathering.
We've had fun and it's been nice treating MTB.
People clearly dont like new ideas or change so are sneering about them.

If you like the mother to be why not enjoy the social occasion and enjoy her company.
I was a bit po faced about the games but relaxed and enjoyed the moment

HallieP · 01/10/2021 15:19

@TheShockOfItAll If the WhatsApp group makes it sound OTT then it definitely will be OP 🤣
I’ve never seen the appeal of them myself but I know some people love them! Having said that - I’ve been to a few lovely ones that we’re literally just a close group of friends having a get together and a meal before the baby arrived. We all put in a bit of money and got a nice gift for mum rather than baby.

I have a close friend who’s mum threw her a baby shower and quite honestly it was ridiculous. There were around 100 guests and it was more lavish than some weddings that I’ve been to 😬 huge venue with round tables - centrepieces, favours and the lot! Afternoon tea, photo booth, games, pick n mix cart and a huge 3 tier cake that cost an absolute fortune!

Personally I’m not a fan of buying gifts for the baby until they have arrived safely so if I’m going to a shower then I tend to give a gift for Mum rather than baby

WheelieBinPrincess · 01/10/2021 15:24

I’ve always thought it a bit strange to buy gifts or make a huge fuss before the baby is safely born, and both mum and baby well and healthy. You just never know sometimes.

Xyzzzzz · 01/10/2021 15:27

MN just doesn’t like baby showers. I had one with my first and it was just an afternoon tea out with friends catching up before Dd arrived.

ThatFlamingCandle · 01/10/2021 16:18

@WheelieBinPrincess

There is one thing worse.

Gender reveal.

I’ve only ever had to go to one, and I faked a migraine to leave, because they started to play a ‘game’ where various foodstuffs were smeared on nappies and you had to sniff them to guess what they were.

Marmite, mustard, peanut butter etc.

The humanity.

Yeah, this.

Baby showers are understandable, you want to spoil your friend and get them baby stuff and celebrate before they're burdened blessed with a lovely baby

It's the gender reveals I don't get. Especially influencers posting on public Instagram accounts. I don't even know you personally why would I care?

leakymcleakleak · 01/10/2021 16:25

Honestly I think baby showers are often driven by friends/people who want an excuse to put something together that 'looks' a certain way. The first one I attended I was furious about basically every aspect of it. First baby in our friendship group. Suggested we come together and get something useful the parents wanted - shot down because people wanted to buy 'cute baby things'. Everyone decided to dress up in summer dresses, get colour coordinated balloons and accessories, but the poor pregnant mother to be was ambushed on her way from a prenatal yoga class so she was in leggings.

I know friends who've had afternoon tea type things instead, and some of my friends took me out for similar, and there is something nice about catching up with people before the baby arrives as its harder to do things like that as a group after. So: sometimes they're lovely, and people mean well. Increasingly they're hijacked by people who want to achieve a certain instagram aesthetic / have people talk about how great they are for organising them.

NothingEverChangesButTheShoes · 01/10/2021 16:40

I think you have the gist of what they are now, OP. I think it depends on who is running it as to what you get when you get there. You could be watching a dvd and having a pizza with friends, or you could be in a hired space on a Saturday afternoon, playing games like guess the weight and having the mum to be parading round with a sash. The latter, you are expected to bring a gift and partipate in the whatsapp banter. If you're especially unlucky you might be earmarked to look after the elderly granny who is 90 odd and can't quite understand what is going on.

Isababybel · 01/10/2021 16:46

I have never been to one before as genuinely thought they were an american thing but was recently invited to one.
Is it normal to host your own though? I understand it being thrown for you but to literally organise it yourself? Please come to my event where i will be the centre of attention and shower me with gifts. Its so grabby..i would have got her a gift anyway but after the safe delivery of the baby...

lachy · 01/10/2021 16:47

I had one thrown for me, and I was genuinely touched about the effort that the organiser made. I don't want to sound ungrateful (but am aware I will) but it was very much out of my comfort zone.

I would have preferred spending time with my mates having a cuppa and cake than taking part in games, having guesses made about the size of my bump and tasting baby food.

I had an absolute ton of gifts, and then even more from the same people a few weeks later. I was hugely grateful for all of our gifts, but please buy something practical and a bottle of something for the mum to be.

we got nothing at all from my DM or DF, but that's another story

kerokerokeroppi · 01/10/2021 16:57

I have no clue about them either! So do you not get them a gift after the baby is born if they had a baby shower? Genuine question!

CaptainChannel · 01/10/2021 17:23

You buy a helpful gift for the baby and/or mum (like muslins) and have tea and a bit of cake with some friends. It's really not the big drama made out on Mumsnet.

Sparklingbrook · 01/10/2021 17:26

I’ve never been to one but I know what it is. And it involves cake 🍰 which is great.

notacooldad · 01/10/2021 17:36

Please come to my event where i will be the centre of attention and shower me with gifts
How that different to inviting people to your birthday party?

mondayschild21 · 01/10/2021 17:38

I agree with you OP and would be looking for a reason not to go.

Isababybel · 01/10/2021 18:37

@notacooldad

Please come to my event where i will be the centre of attention and shower me with gifts How that different to inviting people to your birthday party?
I have never thrown myself a birthday party!
notacooldad · 01/10/2021 18:54

I have never thrown myself a birthday party!
Lots of people do though.
Even if its gettingvfriends together for a house oartybir going out for a meal with your gang of friends.
Absolutely nothing wrong with it all.
It's nice to have celebrations or excuse for gatherings and get togethers especially after the last 2 years.
So whether it's a baby shower, birthday party or a get together, if its with people I like and love, count me in.
Life is to short to have a face like a cat's arse over things like this.

RedElephants · 01/10/2021 19:05

I posted on here a couple of days ago about what was expected at a baby shower that I've been invited too!!
(Never had them when my kids were small!!)
Al at bit strange in my opinion Hmm

RedElephants · 01/10/2021 19:14

Should say... when I was pregnant, not when my kids were small Hmm

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/10/2021 19:37

I really don’t like them and would always decline an invite. Tacky and grasping I feel. Very different to buying a gift or sending a card once the baby is here. Even worse if not a first child for either parent I feel.
I put them in the same category as gender reveals, cake smashes and photoshoots for engagements when the couple got engaged weeks ago etc.

XenoBitch · 01/10/2021 19:52

I have been to one. Was silly games, and lots of gifts for the mum to be and baby. No booze though!
It seemed ok, but then when the baby was born, she had a 'meet & greet' party which was just the expectation of more gifts. I didn't go to that one.

XenoBitch · 01/10/2021 19:54

Oh, forgot to add.. it was women only too. All the blokes were at the pub.

ejhhhhh · 01/10/2021 19:59

Wrapping theme?! Do you even like the people organising this, because they sound high maintenance. If not, please go with the polar opposite wrapping to the theme, and report back with a resulting AIBU when that blows up.