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Original poster

Has the phrase ‘boyfriend’ gone out of fashion or something?

74 replies

Suprima · 27/09/2021 12:42

I’m reading a lot of threads recently where posters refer to their boyfriends as their partners, even when many of the following apply…

  • They don’t live together and have no plans to.
  • They are long distance.
  • They are no shared experiences, plans or commitments.
  • The boyfriend doesn’t act exactly like a ‘partner’, hence why the OP is writing a thread about them.

Is boyfriend juvenile now or something?
Or not to be used at a certain age?
Is it a way of giving a relationship validity or legitimacy?

In response to the ‘why do you care what people call themselves…’- I don’t really care, just curious Confused I suppose I would personally consider the term ‘more serious’ than boyfriend and I would expect it to be used for unmarried cohabiting partners who had children or a shared life together, rather than someone who has been dating for a guy for 6 months?

OP posts:
LizBennet · 27/09/2021 12:45

Yeah I find it a bit weird calling them a partner if you don’t actually live together, but also I’ve been with my partner for 20 years (lived together for all that time) and I’d feel ridiculous referring to him as my boyfriend.

Dillydollydingdong · 27/09/2021 12:46

It might be due to age. Once a man is too old to be called a boy, it sounds silly. I've got a boyfriend. We live 150 miles apart. We are much too old to be boyf and girlf, but that's what we call ourselves anyway

TeapotCollection · 27/09/2021 12:47

I’ll happily admit that I felt too old to have a boyfriend when I first met my husband. I was 32

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LizBennet · 27/09/2021 12:47

... I should add, I feel ridiculous calling him my boyfriend because we’re in our 40s, not because we love together.

LizBennet · 27/09/2021 12:48

LIVE together 🙄

nearlywed21 · 27/09/2021 12:48

I used to call my fiance boyfriend. I sometimes still accidentally call him boyfriend or fiance or even partner. He's my husband now. Does it really matter... Most of the time I just call him his actual name.

crikey456 · 27/09/2021 12:49

I think it's an age thing.

I'm 31 and I think about 5 years ago I called him "my boyfriend" to someone and I just cringed so badly inside. I think it just feels like I'm too old to call him my boyfriend any more.

Dollywilde · 27/09/2021 12:51

Agree an age thing. Im early 30s but I have friends in their late 30s who use partner just because they’re dating guys who are 45+ and calling them a boy-anything feels so odd!!

Bimblybomeyelash · 27/09/2021 12:51

Is it not just a mumsnet lingo thing? Everyone seems to use DP but I doubt they would refer to them that way in real life.

OuiOuiBonjour · 27/09/2021 12:52

To me, partner means "life partner" and is the person you live with, share bills and responsibilities with etc.

And a boyfriend is someone you don't live with, don't share any responsibilities with.

But I think people become uncomfortable with boyfriend over a certain age and skip straight to partner. I've known "my partner of three weeks" type people. I do think it's a bit difficult to ascertain the depth or seriousness of the relationship these days as the term partner is being used so casually.

But each to their own.

BertieBotts · 27/09/2021 12:54

Maybe they use it as shorthand for sexual partner, not life partner.

TurnUpTurnip · 27/09/2021 12:55

I find boyfriend after a certain age a bit odd to say so yes I did use partner

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 27/09/2021 12:57

I do sometimes get a bit Hmm when people refer to someone they've been on like four dates with as "my partner", but at the same time I can see how "boyfriend" feels a bit juvenile, especially if you are of maturer years or have already been married & divorced or something. We have a bit of a hole in the language, I think.

Withgasoliiiiine · 27/09/2021 12:57

I personally feel that boyfriend is a bit juvenile, so would say DP on here (when I have one!), and bloke I'm seeing or partner in real life even in earlier stages.

EvilPea · 27/09/2021 12:58

Yeah it’s a bit weird calling them boyfriend when your a bit older
There’s not really a word for it is there.

GreyTS · 27/09/2021 12:58

I sometimes feel a bit cringe about using the term boyfriend, I'm 43 for god sake but that's what he is. We've been together 2 years but don't live together so he's not a partner, he disagrees though so 🤷‍♀️

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/09/2021 12:58

I'm 37. I hate the term boyfriend! With my x of 4 years I did refer to him as partner as although we didn't live together we certainly were serious enough to warrant the term - probably more committed than a person living with someone after 3 months for example! I'm 4 months into a new relationship and I have no clue what to call him 😂

daisyjgrey · 27/09/2021 13:00

I never know what to call him.

I'm 33 and we've been together 6 years. We live apart in the week as his job is 100 miles away. We're engaged but 'fiancé' always sounds a bit pretentious when I say it and I feel too old for 'boyfriend' so I use 'partner'. He says the same.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 27/09/2021 13:02

I understand adults finding it awkward to refer to their romantic interest as a boyfriend / girlfriend because of boy and girl refering to children or teens usually. (Maybe we could go back to the very old-fashioned gentleman-friend and lady-friend Grin ).

What really is absolutely ridiculous is adults refering to their teenaged child's boyfriend or girlfriend as their child's "partner". A colleague of mine does this - in the first lockdown her 14 year old dd had to be allowed to go and see her 15 year old "partner" (who obviously lived with his mum the same way she lived with hers) Hmm .... A teen boyfriend really, really really shouldn't be referred to as a partner!

SpindleWorld · 27/09/2021 13:13

@Bimblybomeyelash

Is it not just a mumsnet lingo thing? Everyone seems to use DP but I doubt they would refer to them that way in real life.
This ^^.

' DP' is MN slang for partner, boyfriend, significant other, other half, and all sorts of RL terms ... I use 'OH' sometimes on here but I've seen posters told off for that too.

I only think it's relevant to comment on use of ' DP' if a poster is specifically asking for advice and is displaying significant over-commitment to a shit relationship of a few weeks or months.

RiotAtTheRodeo · 27/09/2021 13:16

I know a woman in her late 80s who has a boyfriend. Their relationship is more daytrips and tea dances rather than mortgages and bills so boyfriend suits the fun carefree nature of their relationship.

SpindleWorld · 27/09/2021 13:17

Sometimes in RL I use 'close personal friend' when I feel a bit tabloidy.

reprehensibleme · 27/09/2021 13:18

Must admit I did Hmm when I heard a sixteen year old school girl refer to her boyfriend as 'my partner....'

LST · 27/09/2021 13:21

I say partner as we have been together for 12 years, have 2 DC and a mortgage. I haven't referred to him as my boyfriend since we were in our teens.

No idea about anyone else. I suppose boyfriend does sound a bit like you're still at school? Doesn't bother me what other people refer to their partners/boyfriends/husbands as though

RiotAtTheRodeo · 27/09/2021 13:24

A colleague of mine does this - in the first lockdown her 14 year old dd had to be allowed to go and see her 15 year old "partner" (who obviously lived with his mum the same way she lived with hers)

That's ridiculous. I would snort with laughter at a teen's boyfriend/girlfriend being referred to as their 'partner'.

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