Has the phrase ‘boyfriend’ gone out of fashion or something?

[Suprima]

I’m reading a lot of threads recently where posters refer to their boyfriends as their partners, even when many of the following apply…

• They don’t live together and have no plans to.
• They are long distance.
• They are no shared experiences, plans or commitments.
• The boyfriend doesn’t act exactly like a ‘partner’, hence why the OP is writing a thread about them.

Is boyfriend juvenile now or something?
Or not to be used at a certain age?
Is it a way of giving a relationship validity or legitimacy?

In response to the ‘why do you care what people call themselves…’- I don’t really care, just curious I suppose I would personally consider the term ‘more serious’ than boyfriend and I would expect it to be used for unmarried cohabiting partners who had children or a shared life together, rather than someone who has been dating for a guy for 6 months?

To echo pp, we do seem to have a gap in language. I hate boyfriend, I also hate partner, and I also hate fiance. Other half is stupid, I'm a complete person on my own, thanks! Fella is a bit crap.

We need a "grown up" term for boyfriend. Actually, preferably more than one term for awkward people like me.

I think it's a nice thing that younger people are using the term partner. That's what a relationship should be imo, a partnership. It's lgbt+ inclusive language that doesn't force people to out themselves.

I totally get that there is a difference between a partner and a boyfriend, but boyfriend/girlfriend is just ridiculous for anyone past about mid-20s, really. There's no good term for it.

I tend to just use lover because it shocks my mother

We need a "grown up" term for boyfriend. Actually, preferably more than one term for awkward people like me.

I'm awkwardly high fiving you, my fellow awkward person.

I am 41, married but separated and have had a 'boyfriend' for 4 months now. He is 60 though so it does feel pretty weird! I just use his name when talking about him. My friend says 'how's your loverrrrr' when she asks about him though

SirenSays that's where it becomes ridiculous though - partnership is a serious thing with shared responsibility, in which you are properly commited to one another. Its not young teens who've only just got together, nor a 5 week long first year university student relationship ending in catching the other party cheating, as someone else mentioned! Partner does indeed mean a partnership - using it for a new, short, casual relationship makes the word completely meaningless.

My partner and I have been together 5 years but don't live together just yet - he's 55 and I'm 50. Boyfriend sounds immature. We're financially independent from each other but are of course the others emotional and physical support, helping out with the other parents etc who are unwell, doing practical things to help the other. That makes him a partner in my view.

Kids have boyfriends, adults have partners.

You can’t put a set of criteria in place which dictates which is which. I know of some married people who don’t live together, are they still husband and wife? My brother and his partner lived apart for 2 years after they had been living together for 3 years due to work commitments. Were they not partners any more? A quick glance at a number of posts about women who live with men for years who do little in the way of housework, taking responsibility for their children, or contributing financially, but still call them partners.

Use whatever term you like, and others will do the same.

I’m too old to have a boyfriend, so call him my man or my partner. He calls me his burd (Scotland)

We don’t live together as I follow the other MN rule of moving a man in with my dc.

Not moving!!

I'm much too old to be referred to as a girlfriend perhaps but that is what I'm called and I like it! I've done the partner and fiancee thing and I'm never doing it again...

I know of some married people who don’t live together, are they still husband and wife? My brother and his partner lived apart for 2 years after they had been living together for 3 years due to work commitments. Were they not partners any more? A quick glance at a number of posts about women who live with men for years who do little in the way of housework, taking responsibility for their children, or contributing financially, but still call them partners.

1. If they're legally married they're legally husband and wife.

1. They lived together as partners. They're still partners, they just work away.

1. They live together and made children together. They're life partners.

Kids shouldn't have boyfriends and girlfriends before their mid teens. 18 year olds are adults. It would be odd to ridicule them for the use of the word boy or girl friend and alot of pressure for them to have to find a partner at that age.

For my work I deal with a lot of people aged 20- 25. Everything is "partner" with them. No one is using boyfriend or girlfriend anymore. It annoys me when it's just someone they are dating, I do get it when it's a cohabiting thing though.

I think partner is more popular now because it's not gendered.

Oh! Of course @KineticSand, that will be it

I find using 'boyfriend' feels icky, we've been together nearly 12 years and are in our 30s. I also hate referring to my mums partner as boyfriend, they're in their 60s.

That being said I'm also not a fan of using the word partner either. I wish there was another word. Especially nowadays when getting married is less common.

I also don't really see feel the same way about using the word partner for someone you live with and boyfriend for someone you don't. I don't see one as more serious that the other, boyfriend just feels childish.

I think i would just say 'the guy im seeing' for less serious and partner for anything further down the line, not just somebody I lived with.

Up north, we have the catch-all term 't'other 'alf'. Or 'our/wor/oor' lass when referring to a female. I don't think there is a male equivalent for the latter.

Terms like boyfriend and girlfriend become age inappropriate after a certain age ( don't ask what) is reached. Partner sounds starchy and awkward.

I appear to have killed this thread. I am very sorry.

Well we've been together 10 years, have 3 kids and live together so I would feel a bit silly calling him my boyfriend. We are engaged but have never made plans to actually get married so also seems a bit daft to refer to him as my fiancé. That wouldnsound a bit weird anyway.

I hate saying boyfriend and partner, I just say his name to anyone I’ve met more than a handful of times, I worked with someone for 5 years who still called him ‘my partner’ - just say Steve fgs.

I hate the term partner it's awful. Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband for me.

@WhereTheFuck

I am 41, married but separated and have had a 'boyfriend' for 4 months now. He is 60 though so it does feel pretty weird! I just use his name when talking about him. My friend says 'how's your loverrrrr' when she asks about him though

Someone at work refers to mine as 'my chap' lol. We're in our 50s, don't live together, what the hell are we??

I have a feminist objection to marriage it's why I'm not married to my partner of 17 years. We share finances and own a home together. Pit sort of irritates me that any fucker can get married and their relationship is immediately taken more seriously than mine even if they have only been together for a year. But anyway it does also irritate me when people are in the type of relationship you describe and use the word partner, no that's a boyfriend /girlfriend.

None of this has any kind of impact on my life beyond a mild irritation though. But yes I get what you mean.

I also think it's a bit embarrassing in this day and age that we value marriage over everything. As in my pp people can get married really quickly and as husband and wife are taken more seriously in their relationship. Given the divorce stats people should think about this for a moment.

I also think there's a lot of internalised misogyny and very traditional patriarchal values (acknowledged or not) at play here. With the value of the word husband and dislike of the word partner. People want to feel superior in their marriage because society has told them they should regardless of how poor the actual relationship is. (divorce stats and threads on here show this to be true for many if not most marriages)

This is why language matters and our preferences within language should be examined perhaps.

I'm 58, my 'boyfriend' (🤣) is 60...on no planet could I introduce him to anyone as my boyfriend 🤦‍♀️🤣🤦‍♀️ We are in a relatively new relationship still, so he isn't my partner either, so it's always a bit of an awkward moment and I've still not figured it out 🤷‍♀️ I just go with his name and hope people work it out by our body language ☺️