Has the phrase ‘boyfriend’ gone out of fashion or something?

[Suprima]

I’m reading a lot of threads recently where posters refer to their boyfriends as their partners, even when many of the following apply…

• They don’t live together and have no plans to.
• They are long distance.
• They are no shared experiences, plans or commitments.
• The boyfriend doesn’t act exactly like a ‘partner’, hence why the OP is writing a thread about them.

Is boyfriend juvenile now or something?
Or not to be used at a certain age?
Is it a way of giving a relationship validity or legitimacy?

In response to the ‘why do you care what people call themselves…’- I don’t really care, just curious I suppose I would personally consider the term ‘more serious’ than boyfriend and I would expect it to be used for unmarried cohabiting partners who had children or a shared life together, rather than someone who has been dating for a guy for 6 months?

I have a boyfriend because we're not married. We do have a mortgage, 6 children and have lived together for 29 years but partner to me means business or a civil one

A lot of people use the term partner as it is more inclusive and means that a person doesn't have to put themselves or their sexuality in casual conversation. I use partner instead of fiancé mainly because I find fiancé a bit odd to say but also don't feel the need to specify my partners gender. I think this is why the younger generation are using it more as allies.

I think when you're older and actively seeking say, a husband, you should really either be dating or making that call and being partners. Boyfriend to me implies when you're at high school or University and both sense that this is a "just for now" thing rather than long term. Once you're late 20s/30s you probably shouldn't be wasting time with a boyfriend - either date and enjoy the freedom of that or make a commitment that you're in the next stage with that person - which would then make them your DP. I have to be careful saying partner at work anyway as people assume I'm a lesbian (which I have no problem with obviously but it's funny watching them try to carefully phrase all questions without calling my partner a "he" )

@RiotAtTheRodeo

A colleague of mine does this - in the first lockdown her 14 year old dd had to be allowed to go and see her 15 year old "partner" (who obviously lived with his mum the same way she lived with hers)

That's ridiculous. I would snort with laughter at a teen's boyfriend/girlfriend being referred to as their 'partner'.

My (uni) students often need an Extension on their very first essay in Week 5 because their "partner" cheated on them.

Their partner that they met for the first time at Fresher's Week.

New partner by Reading Week.

Another partner at home over Christmas.

And so on and so forth until 2nd year when they either give up altogether or find a partner that lasts!

I agree, a partner is someone with whom you have a commitment, living together or not. I do 'get' that boyfriend/girlfriend seems odd when people are mature but it's better than calling them a partner, when they are not! Maybe we should stat saying 'woman/lady or man friend', I don't know not being on 'the circuit'.

I think if I had a fella I'd say, "My fella". There's probably something very politically incorrect about that!

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

I understand adults finding it awkward to refer to their romantic interest as a boyfriend / girlfriend because of boy and girl refering to children or teens usually. (Maybe we could go back to the very old-fashioned gentleman-friend and lady-friend ).

What really is absolutely ridiculous is adults refering to their teenaged child's boyfriend or girlfriend as their child's "partner". A colleague of mine does this - in the first lockdown her 14 year old dd had to be allowed to go and see her 15 year old "partner" (who obviously lived with his mum the same way she lived with hers) .... A teen boyfriend really, really really shouldn't be referred to as a partner!

I’ve truly heard it all now. 😂 that’s brilliant @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

On here it doesn't help that DB is used for brother as well.

My friend call hers her "squeeze".

People on MN use 'DP' instead of boyfriend because posters are really dismissive of people post about someone who's 'only a boyfriend'

I think that boyfriend is somewhat teenage.

I have been with my partner for 8 years. We don’t live together and are long distance, but because of logistics, not because the relationship isn’t serious.

I am a bit at this idea that living together equals “partner” given that if you moved in with someone within about 3 weeks of getting together you would could refer to them as your “partner”.

I am no less committed to my 'DP' than people who are living together.

We both choose not to live together or to get married. Financially we don't need to live together.

He isn't my boyfriend. We are in our 50's and that sounds silly.

I call mine boyfriend: we have lived together for 6+ years, and are now in our late 30s.
I hate being referred to as 'partner' and often correct him to call me either 'girlfriend' or preferably, just refer to me by my name (as I tend to do with him also).
I think of 'partner' for older folks, and I just don't feel old yet

I don't really like partner. I use boyfriend for men of all ages I also think a lot of people use FWB where they used to use the word boyfriend.

Other names I sometimes use - my fella, lover, the old man, bit of stuff.

I know someone who refers to her on again off again fiancé as her husband. Really don't understand that one.

@RiotAtTheRodeo

I know a woman in her late 80s who has a boyfriend. Their relationship is more daytrips and tea dances rather than mortgages and bills so boyfriend suits the fun carefree nature of their relationship.

My Nan called hers her gentleman caller which still makes me giggle even though they’ve been dead almost 20 years. In the later years they were both in their mid 90s, so I think it was just a cup of tea, a scone and companionship, but gentleman caller sounds a bit risqué

I'm musing on this concept way too much.

I think it's because I'm 37 and long-term
single and I've just realised that saying "boyfriend" out loud now does feel a bit silly. Equally, I think I'd feel a bit daft saying, "I'm his girlfriend" now.

Yet, I wouldn't co-habit or have children with someone who had no intention of marrying me. If I got to the 18 month stage, I'd either be expecting some firm plans for the future or a break up to free me up to meet someone else who would be serious about marrying me. But at that point, it's a bit hard to keep referring to someone as "the guy I'm dating" or "the man I'm seeing".

I'd probably end up going with just his name. Or the cringeworthy "person/man I'm with". I can see how other frequently annoying terms have made it into the vernacular.

"This one"
"The missus" (seemingly used by every unmarried tradesman I've ever met)
"My other half"
"My old man"
"My fella"
"My ladyfriend"
"My person"
"My gentleman friend"

etc

I think it's just another symptom of how society has changed now that people marry later, don't marry at all or have numerous long term serious relationships throughout a life time. We don't have enough words to define these relationships.

Even on forms now your options are;

Single
Married
Divorced
In a Civil Partnership
Living with someone
Prefer not to say

Someone in a two year relationship with a person they don't live with has nothing that really applies to them.

When I was a child, "partner" was most commonly used by people who had same sex partners. My Dad had a male business partner and I found out that quite alot of people thought they were a couple purely based on their use of the word partner!
I've got quite alot of LGBT friends 20s-50s in long term relationships (one couple together as long as I've been alive!). Every single one of them uses "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", with pride.

@RiotAtTheRodeo

A colleague of mine does this - in the first lockdown her 14 year old dd had to be allowed to go and see her 15 year old "partner" (who obviously lived with his mum the same way she lived with hers)

That's ridiculous. I would snort with laughter at a teen's boyfriend/girlfriend being referred to as their 'partner'.

I had a wanky work colleague who used to use 'Live In Lover' or the ghastly 'L.I.L.' for short. And then apply it to other women's relationships. 'And do you have an L.I.L?' 'A what now?'

Cringe.

Where do they all get this stuff from? Wanky colleague was from pre-social media days.

I think it’s an age thing as well as a commitment thing.. Grandma’s boyfriend sounds odd to describe a 75 year old man.

When I was in my 20s I called my now DH my boyfriend. MIL always used to introduce me to people as his partner… felt a bit weird

I would quite like "gentleman caller" to make a comeback (not that I'd have one)

I’m dating. It’s early days. Boyfriend makes me feel teenaged (I’m not!) and partner isn’t appropriate. I say manfriend or the bloke in RL. don’t know what I’d say on here.

I think using boyfriend and girlfriend after your teens sounds odd. If you are in a committed relationship, you love each other and don't live together I don't see why you can't refer to the person as your partner.

I’m not in a committed relationship though 🤷🏼‍♀️ I mean I’m not dating anyone else but it’s been three months!!

I do think boyfriend implies youth and a more casual relationship. Actually I usually say I have a DP on here but usually boyfriend IRL - we’ve been together 5 years, own a house together, share finances and are in our mid twenties so probably should say partner all the time but then I feel old!
Also on MN it’s clearer sometimes to say DP than BF because it could also be best friend.

@OuiOuiBonjour on an insurance form recently I selected ‘common law’ as my relationship status - weird since that isn’t actually a thing but closest to what I have

I’ve seen 15 year olds refer to their “partners”. It’s gotten absolutely ridiculous.

Once your over 23 being called a boy or girl sounds stupid really. Womanfriend and manfriend doesn’t really cut it either