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Original poster

Please don't tell me I'm the only one who finds life easier when DH is away?!

68 replies

confusedlots · 24/09/2021 20:33

Part of me is worried that this means we're not really that compatible and the other part of me is hoping to find some like minded people!

Me and DH usually get on well, we have 2 young kids so life is busy.....he has just been away with work for a week and to be honest I've found life so much easier without him! The kids went to bed more easily instead of the usual messing around, and as a result they got up early and I didn't have to cajole them out of bed and force them to have breakfast/get dressed. It was so much easier to get them to have breakfast, get dressed and get out to school/nursery, and to get myself ready for work and get all 3 of us out the door!

I did the cooking all week and cooked sensible meals without using 10 different pots and pans which then needed to be washed.

I was able to have all the dinner stuff washed up and put away by 8pm, then get a shower and hair washed for the next day and be sitting down for a cup of tea and ready for bed by 9pm, and into bed after 10pm so I've felt really rested, despite looking after the kids myself and working!

Why can this not happen when there are 2 adults here to share the load? Why is it so much easier when he's not here??

OP posts:
Comedycook · 24/09/2021 20:36

I know what you mean! Same here!

Cheeseballer · 24/09/2021 20:37

I find exactly this! Definitely much smoother when it's just me!

Zarene · 24/09/2021 20:37

YES I feel you.

In my case I love being able to just do stuff (make dinner/ take DC out/ turn the telly on / whatever) without a long debate about how it should be done and why.

Haggisfish3 · 24/09/2021 20:38

In part I think it’s because when you know there is no one else there, you don’t put jobs off, half hoping they will do them! This so true for both dh ans I-we both find it easier in the short term if the other one isn’t there. I don’t think we are incompatible. It just means we both get to go away lots on our own, knowing the other can cope fine!

Claphands · 24/09/2021 20:39

Same! I also cannot stand trying to get anything done when my DH is lurking around the house!

Gherkingreen · 24/09/2021 20:40

Haha, same. Married for more than 20 years, two teenagers now, DH worked away a lot when they were little and yep, totally agree!
I reckon it's just easier to get stuff done on your own quickly, rather than asking someone else to help out then waiting for them to do it and getting annoyed when they don't Grin

nc4565 · 24/09/2021 20:40

I hear you!

My DH is now WFH full time and it's so disruptive to my routine with the kids. On the odd occasion when he does go in to the office or away for a night or two with work, it's really nice Blush

tumtitum · 24/09/2021 20:40

Exactly the same here...

Gloomandglow · 24/09/2021 20:41

Yes! Me too.

DH was recently away for a week and life with 3 young DC felt organised for the first time in forever. DC were well behaved and cooperative, they were in bed on time every night and school mornings were easy peasy. It just felt relaxed.

I work 3 days and on my days off I usually clean but realised I didn't really have much to do as I'd been cleaning up after myself all week. It has made me realise how much I have to pick up after DH!

I missed him in the evenings when the DC went to bed, I would have had him back for the company at those times but the rest of the time it was so much better for me.

Since he's been back I've kept to the routine I'd got into- just simple things like making packed lunches the night before, he hated the idea of the DC having soggy sandwiches so would make them in the mornings but create chaos as he did so! Then I would end up cleaning up after him.

Original poster
confusedlots · 24/09/2021 20:42

OMG I feel really relieved with the replies...., was really worrying that there was something wrong with us 🙈🤣

OP posts:
earthyfire · 24/09/2021 20:42

I agree!

CattingT · 24/09/2021 20:44

What is it with men using every single pan and utensil for a simple dish. And 5 chopping boards.

DH creates so much more washing up when he cooks, it's ridiculous.

KobaniDaughters · 24/09/2021 20:46

@Haggisfish3 has it exactly right

RealHousewifeOfEastLondon · 24/09/2021 20:47

YES!!!! Husband works shifts and days without him here making additional mess are soooooo much easier!

GoodnightGrandma · 24/09/2021 20:47

Yep, my DH worked away when the kids were little. Much easier without him. When home it was like having another kid to tidy up after !

Original poster
confusedlots · 24/09/2021 20:48

@Gloomandglow

Yes! Me too.

DH was recently away for a week and life with 3 young DC felt organised for the first time in forever. DC were well behaved and cooperative, they were in bed on time every night and school mornings were easy peasy. It just felt relaxed.

I work 3 days and on my days off I usually clean but realised I didn't really have much to do as I'd been cleaning up after myself all week. It has made me realise how much I have to pick up after DH!

I missed him in the evenings when the DC went to bed, I would have had him back for the company at those times but the rest of the time it was so much better for me.

Since he's been back I've kept to the routine I'd got into- just simple things like making packed lunches the night before, he hated the idea of the DC having soggy sandwiches so would make them in the mornings but create chaos as he did so! Then I would end up cleaning up after him.

Oh you sound just like me, I work 3 days too. DH is fantastic at lots of things I have no idea about, like DIY, electrics, plumbing etc, he really is a godsend, but there's also part of me that thinks he's a 3rd child I have to look out for and tidy up after!!
OP posts:
Emmenelle · 24/09/2021 20:50

Definitely agree that I found life much easier without DH. DH is a lazy sod so creates more work so I actually had less to do when he wasn't here. He worked away for about two years when the DC were little and I'd love that bit when they were in bed and I was in full charge of the remote Grin

I hated it when he came home on a Friday as it was so disruptive and I couldn't wait until he beggared off again on the Sunday.

Goingbackto5oh5 · 24/09/2021 20:56

100% same here! DH works evenings and the when he's off from work, bedtime with DC gets pushed back and they start mucking around, even though DH could be relaxing in another room it's because the evening had gone differently, the DC start acting differently too.
No fuming over lonely socks around the house, things being out of place, items DC shouldn't be getting a hold out within arm's reach. When he does offer to cook but you dread going into the kitchen after because it's like a bomb has gone off and the few things that have been put away are in the wrong place anyway.
Need I go on...

Original poster
confusedlots · 24/09/2021 20:59

I'm so relieved at the replies....I was starting to think we were maybe heading for divorce 🙈

OP posts:
user89000005 · 24/09/2021 21:04

I get into, and stay in, a routine more easily when DH is working away. But I miss him terribly and I hate having to do everything myself, even if I manage it well, so no I much prefer it when he's home.

Foolsrule · 24/09/2021 21:07

Totally agree. DH spent a long time in hospital some years back, the DC were little. I had everything down to a fine art and really resented him when he came home, messing up my systems and creating extra jobs!

Dogmatix34 · 24/09/2021 21:09

Totally agree! My MIL told me was exactly the same for her as FIL used to work away in the week. That has always made me feel more normal about it. I also find when DH is back, much as I think I haven’t missed him, it is quite nice to have adult conversations again.

PeonyTime · 24/09/2021 21:09

3-4 nights, its definitely easier without DH.
Much longer than that, and the cracks show. 3 months was a disaster!
Sundays with him away also suck.

Durbeyfield · 24/09/2021 21:10

It’s much easier when mine is away. It doesn’t happen often.

qualitygirl · 24/09/2021 21:15

Nope...I find it so much harder and lonelier when he's away...he loves to cook and can do so without making a mess. We take one dc each when putting them to bed. On my own I'm torn between the two and I hate it. We do a lot together so I feel a bit lost on my own to be honest. I did it for years for weeks at a time and it got VERY draining and I felt it was relentless at times