Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Please don't tell me I'm the only one who finds life easier when DH is away?!

68 replies

confusedlots · 24/09/2021 20:33

Part of me is worried that this means we're not really that compatible and the other part of me is hoping to find some like minded people!

Me and DH usually get on well, we have 2 young kids so life is busy.....he has just been away with work for a week and to be honest I've found life so much easier without him! The kids went to bed more easily instead of the usual messing around, and as a result they got up early and I didn't have to cajole them out of bed and force them to have breakfast/get dressed. It was so much easier to get them to have breakfast, get dressed and get out to school/nursery, and to get myself ready for work and get all 3 of us out the door!

I did the cooking all week and cooked sensible meals without using 10 different pots and pans which then needed to be washed.

I was able to have all the dinner stuff washed up and put away by 8pm, then get a shower and hair washed for the next day and be sitting down for a cup of tea and ready for bed by 9pm, and into bed after 10pm so I've felt really rested, despite looking after the kids myself and working!

Why can this not happen when there are 2 adults here to share the load? Why is it so much easier when he's not here??

OP posts:

Theworldishard · 25/09/2021 22:12

@qualitygirl

Nope...I find it so much harder and lonelier when he's away...he loves to cook and can do so without making a mess. We take one dc each when putting them to bed. On my own I'm torn between the two and I hate it. We do a lot together so I feel a bit lost on my own to be honest. I did it for years for weeks at a time and it got VERY draining and I felt it was relentless at times

Aim to be happy with yourself. You don't need a man to stop you being lonely, lost or bored.

qualitygirl · 25/09/2021 22:14

@Theworldishard it's true they can... but some would rather have their other half around too. And that's ok... especially if their dh's job takes them away for weeks or even months at a time. It's not the same as going away for a night or two is it?

EvilPea · 25/09/2021 22:14

Yes. But it is a lot less fun.
He brings the laughter

Comedycook · 25/09/2021 22:15

I think long term it would be much harder but for short periods, I find it easier doing things all my way!

qualitygirl · 25/09/2021 22:15

@Theworldishard I don't need him no...but I WANT him...there's a difference. I have plenty of friends and a great social life but I love my dh and his company. When the shit hits the fan with things I like having him to comfort me, to talk to. Etc etc. He is my best friend.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 25/09/2021 22:24

I suspect that on reason you are on top of all jobs because you are not "wasting" time chatting and having a glass of wine with DH.

10ColaBottles · 26/09/2021 00:04

@Theworldishard

You comments confused me.

I have managed as single parent for a long time. I left him. I run the full show here. Perfectly well alongside high profile city job.

At first all a lovely novelty . I'm saying that 2 or 3 years later the novelty has reduced considerably! The grass isn't greener. Always.

IndecentCakes · 26/09/2021 00:23

I enjoy him being away because he's messy and a bit annoying but I also feel reassured when he's in the house as I get a bit anxious.

ChocAuVin · 26/09/2021 00:31

This is why I adore being divorced. Life is so much easier, smoother; simpler.

…Well, that and the fact that my ex is a grade-A cockwomble.

DPotter · 26/09/2021 00:37

I totally know what you mean.

I very good friend of mine would ask DD & me to stay when DP went away a couple of times a year. She simply couldn't understand that the both of us really appreciated the peace and quiet. Her DH had never gone away for work or pleasure so she just didn't understand

LoomBoom · 26/09/2021 13:15

Totally get it
For me it is

not wasting time mincing around or chatting with him
kids know 1 person in charge
I'm more organised/routine with bedtime so they know I do exactly the same drill. I'm more likely to put out the right things the night before.
not having to cook and wash up after one more person, less washing and mess (his clothes and things are bulky)
clearing up more immediately instead of passive aggressively hoping he will do it instead (he's not lazy, he does a lot in terms of school runs, chores etc)

Shakeyourface · 26/09/2021 14:13

You know you can all leave your husbands / partners if it makes you happier don’t you? Plenty of women do just that and live better, easier, more fulfilled lives. If you’re not getting anything from a relationship get out of it. Life is short

VladmirsPoutine · 26/09/2021 14:59

I think it's nice to have a break from your partner and all that but I can't understand the point of a partner if their presence makes things more burdensome. I suppose it's cheaper to run one house instead of two.

Turkishangora · 26/09/2021 15:04

YANBU, my partner used to work away A LOT. At first I used to pine for him but after a while me and the kids fell into our little routine, it was calm and organised, the house was tidier. Everything seemed less frenetic. Now he's WFH full time for the foreseeable it's been very very tough adapting, to the point I go into my office when I don't always need to just to have space and peace. I think women and kids are often better off without a male around, there's an air of agitation present when they're about which just complicates things.

Turkishangora · 26/09/2021 15:07

@Shakeyourface

I understand what you're saying but it really isn't all that easy sometimes, the financial impact could be crippling for some women. I know plenty of lone parents (female) who get no help or maintenance from the ex. I also know a few who have blissful lives, mortgage and maintenance and every other weekend all to themselves, living the dream. Unfortunately not all men are that helpful or honourable.

LoomBoom · 26/09/2021 15:27

I'm happy with DH but I also really like the break when he goes away and the somewhat more efficient household.
Obviously life alone requires less compromise but I like being with DH?

Goldenbear · 26/09/2021 15:34

My DH got a new job a few weeks ago where he is away quite a bit and as he had had been WFH for most of the year due to Covid I was looking forward to fewer people in the house. However, I find I'm a bit lonely now and slightly envious about his fancy meals out with clients. I find I eat crap as my DC eat before me and then I might eat a bowl of cereal as I can't be bothered to cook for me. I have a teenager who needs loads to eat, is never full and never puts on any weight so I cook quite a bit of food that I won't eat like pasta as I am trying to lose weight.

KobaniDaughters · 26/09/2021 17:22

I think those who deal with it a lot have hit the nail on the head of it’s a novelty as well - I do really enjoy it on the very very rare occasions DH goes away for a few nights, it’s something different, I have my headspace to myself and I just get on with stuff, no probably wouldn’t want it to happen regularly but nothing wrong with saying it’s nice once in a while.

DH’s mum was dying a few years ago (we live abroad) and he was gone for 3 weeks. I’m a freelancer and in order to make it work I had to turn down work for those 3 weeks as we didn’t have things in place to manage with just one parent and I found that hard, having to stop working for a bit. I did train D.C. in that time to be in charge of the dishwasher and laundry though!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread