Please don't tell me I'm the only one who finds life easier when DH is away?!

[confusedlots]

Part of me is worried that this means we're not really that compatible and the other part of me is hoping to find some like minded people!

Me and DH usually get on well, we have 2 young kids so life is busy.....he has just been away with work for a week and to be honest I've found life so much easier without him! The kids went to bed more easily instead of the usual messing around, and as a result they got up early and I didn't have to cajole them out of bed and force them to have breakfast/get dressed. It was so much easier to get them to have breakfast, get dressed and get out to school/nursery, and to get myself ready for work and get all 3 of us out the door!

I did the cooking all week and cooked sensible meals without using 10 different pots and pans which then needed to be washed.

I was able to have all the dinner stuff washed up and put away by 8pm, then get a shower and hair washed for the next day and be sitting down for a cup of tea and ready for bed by 9pm, and into bed after 10pm so I've felt really rested, despite looking after the kids myself and working!

Why can this not happen when there are 2 adults here to share the load? Why is it so much easier when he's not here??

Omg I could have just written this OP. My OH has just got back from a trip mon-fri. My house has been tidy, clean, I’ve had a good nights sleep every night. I’ve been so organised. He got back and said “did you miss me?” Erm…….. sort of?!

@Nottheduchess

Omg I could have just written this OP. My OH has just got back from a trip mon-fri. My house has been tidy, clean, I’ve had a good nights sleep every night. I’ve been so organised. He got back and said “did you miss me?” Erm…….. sort of?!

Oh ha ha, I'm with you! It's been an eye opener!

Nope...I find it so much harder and lonelier when he's away

Me too. I'm glad the OP is feeling reassured but I much prefer DH being in the house doing his share of the housework and childcare. When the DC were little I hated him being away, now they are older it's easier because they help but working full time and doing all the housework and childcare with no adult help or company is shit. I would not survive as a single parent! I suspect we're pushing ourselves to the limit so have no slack (no family close by to help, both work FT, 3DC with activities every evening so one of us cooking while the other is taxiing kids around).

😳

DH just got on and pulled us weight when he was away it was awful!! Made himself invaluable.

It's sad to read how many husbands really are like ab extra child creating more work

Totally agree!

@Haggisfish3

In part I think it’s because when you know there is no one else there, you don’t put jobs off, half hoping they will do them! This so true for both dh ans I-we both find it easier in the short term if the other one isn’t there. I don’t think we are incompatible. It just means we both get to go away lots on our own, knowing the other can cope fine!

This definitely what it was like when mine were small. :)

No children here but DH going away for the weekend. Happy Days 😊

Will be glad to have him back of course but I’m looking forward to such an easy weekend!

@confusedlots just because other people agree and suffer similar doesn’t mean it’s normal. If you’re not helping each other through life what’s the point in being married. My life is a huge amount easier now I’m divorced, I love it

Oh and my ex wasn’t a ‘third child’ like yours he was an equal partner around the house. Just leave him

Dh has always worked away. Kids and I don't know any different. We have one routine when he is here and another when he is gone. I like when he is away, but I look forward to him coming home too. Especially when he's been gone for a 6 week stint. I'm saying that, when he has been home for 2 or 3 weeks I can't wait until he's off again😇😂

Yep my DH went away for just one night recently and while some things were harder (cooking alone with a toddler and having no break until bedtime) it was also markedly easier in almost every other way.

Things stayed clean, I probably put more effort into keeping on top of tasks with knowing it was all on me. Post bedtime when I can watch TV in peace without another human sat there staring at their phone. The best nights sleep for a very long time with no snoring. It made me realise I do it all anyway and he essential just adds to the load. We used to share tasks really well but me working part time sort of ruined that and now everything’s mine to do.

Same same

🙋‍♀️ yep and here. Also been wondering if this was usual.....
Things are just where you left them and there is no resentment for doing the lions share of stuff as there is no one else to expect to do anything. So no one to get annoyed with and everything just done!

Yes! How is that?!?! My DH is great and helps out a lot but for some reason everything is a bit more organised when he's not here 🙈

My DH was away recently and it was bliss! I'd have breakfast then so a quick tidy and wipeover which then stayed perfect all day.
Changed quickly once he came home sadly...

Wow. Give it 2/3 years then the novelty wears off! I promise you.

The kids mess about at bedtime abs you need back up- none there.

And so it goes on.

Enjoy your husband free time !

Oh, definitely. Mine WFH and it’s a complete pain in the bloody arse!

100% yes. My DH is actually really helpful but I just find it so much easier when I control the routines and know it is my job to do everything. When he's around, the routines get chucked in the bin in favour of special things which is fun but disruptive.

When the children were little we both found it easier when the other was away.

It doesn’t happen very often, but I feel the same. Partly I think it’s because I mentally prepare for him being away, so things are more planned rather than winging it (re food and pick ups etc). So I tend to run a much tighter ship when DH is away. Also, maybe conversely, I’ll slack off on some things: I’ll eat whatever easy food the kids are having or I’ll let them have a «tv tea» rather then dinner at the table, I’ll go to bed early. And there are no distractions / no one proposing we sit down and have a some cheese and another glass of wine 😂.

This is such a reassuring thread! My DH went away for a weekend a while back, we have 2 young children and so I was dreading it. But it was wonderful! So much easier being able to please ourselves. If my toddler had a tantrum I could just let him scream it out & not worry about DH getting stressed out by it. And no tidying up after DH!

Omg...this totally. Sometimes I would rather be alone. So much easier.

@10ColaBottles

Wow. Give it 2/3 years then the novelty wears off! I promise you.

The kids mess about at bedtime abs you need back up- none there.

And so it goes on.

Enjoy your husband free time !

Women can manage without a man you know

I think having your dh going away for a weekend is a completely different thing to having him go away for weeks/months at a time. The emotional upheaval is horrible and I'm finding this thread quite Goady to be honest. I'm sure there's plenty of women on here who could tell you otherwise...