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Original poster

So I’m dating a loser…

51 replies

Snoop85 · 24/09/2021 02:34

Tips for braking free?

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 24/09/2021 02:38

Don't see him again. You're only dating.

PurpleDaisies · 24/09/2021 02:40

Just brake up with him?
What’s the issue?

Bombaloorina · 24/09/2021 02:43

Really?

You need tips on how to dump someone…?

Original poster
Snoop85 · 24/09/2021 02:45

Ok.. dating was definitely the wrong word. I didn’t want to write a long post and explain everything.
We are together. He’s 29 but acts as though he’s 16. He stays at my house and only goes home to collect his washing and lunch. I want him to go home and stay there.
How can I do this without him crying again?

OP posts:
Original poster
Snoop85 · 24/09/2021 02:45

@Bombaloorina

Really?

You need tips on how to dump someone…?

Yes
OP posts:
PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 24/09/2021 02:47

Pack his shit. Say goodbye. If he cries, he cries. You already know he's chikdish, and basically wants you to be his mam, so take no notice.

ClaryFairchild · 24/09/2021 02:49

So what if he cries? Will the world end if he cries? Will he die if he cries??? Learn to be strong enough to do something you need to even if he does cry.

Or you could avoid that scenario and lock him out when he goes home to get changed and pack up his things and leave them outside to collect. You would need to move fast if he has a key, and get the lock changed -or sneakily change the key on his key ring to a fake one.

Of course then he'll be making a scene outside your place....

HirplesWithHaggis · 24/09/2021 02:50

If he cries, he cries. Just tell him it's not working for you.

ClaryFairchild · 24/09/2021 02:51

Actually I quite like the idea of changing the key in his keyring and then texting him when he goes out that it's over....

Original poster
Snoop85 · 24/09/2021 02:53

@ClaryFairchild

Actually I quite like the idea of changing the key in his keyring and then texting him when he goes out that it's over....
Lol I do too… unfortunately I took the key I gave him back a while ago!
OP posts:
Pikamoo · 24/09/2021 02:58

Are you worried for your safety? If you are then take his key and don't tell him or get the locks changed while he's out.

If you just don't want to deal with the emotional fall out then you kind of have to bite the bullet and do it. Just tell him the relationship isn't working out for you and you'd like to end it. I'd then get his bags, tell him you're going out for a coffee and you'd like him packed up by the time you get back. Don't engage with him on it. Then when you get back take his key, say bye and shut the door.

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/09/2021 03:00

So why are you letting him back in?

I got "dumped" by a user a few weeks ago. He is (still) trying to worm his way back in and I realised I didnt miss him. So, he goes home and you send him one message "This isnt working for me. I wont be answering the door to you again, have a good life" then block. And DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR. I made that mistake (search my recent threads) and had to chuck him out, but I havent missed him and all is good for me.

It can be for you too. He doesnt give a shit about upsetting you so why the hell should you care about upsetting him? Seriously, why?

Sparklfairy · 24/09/2021 03:00

How long have you been together?

Honestly it's awkward and uncomfortable but this seems like a rip-the-plaster-off scenario. So he doesn't have a key? You have two options.

Tell him straight (in the morning) that it's not working out and you'd like him to leave, or
Wait til he goes to 'do his washing' or whatever and then text saying it's not working out, then block.
Based on experience, be ready to call the police if it escalates - it doesn't have to turn violent, just if he refuses to leave or turns up at your door making a scene.

I've had blokes that latch on and won't let go, it isn't fun and they make you out to be the arsehole, but needs must.

PurpleDaisies · 24/09/2021 03:04

If he cries, he cries. You have to be cruel to be kind. It’s not nice to string him along.

Be calm, factual and clear. You are breaking up. There is no possibility of getting back together. You don’t want to stay friends.

ClaryFairchild · 24/09/2021 03:04

Well if he doesn't have a key what's the problem? When he leaves text him that it's over and don't let him back in. He'll cry, yes. But you won't have to put up with it.

It sounds like you've already tried breaking up with him and he guilted you into not doing it. So it won't be out of the blue, surely?

Original poster
Snoop85 · 24/09/2021 03:07

I know that your all absolutely right. I’m not afraid of him, but he’s very manipulative and I have 2 children.
I’m pretty sure he’ll turn into an arsehole because he’s vile when he’s pissed off

OP posts:
MoChridhe · 24/09/2021 03:08

Pretend to be texting a new love interest to make him break up with you (hoping this loser is not a violent one)

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/09/2021 03:14

@Snoop85

I know that your all absolutely right. I’m not afraid of him, but he’s very manipulative and I have 2 children. I’m pretty sure he’ll turn into an arsehole because he’s vile when he’s pissed off
Read that back and put the statements in order of importance.

I am not afraid of him

He's very manipulative.

I have 2 children

He is vile when he is pissed off

He will turn into an arsehole

........................Who's tears matter more?

Original poster
Snoop85 · 24/09/2021 03:17

Please don’t insinuate that anyone or anything is more important than my children.

OP posts:
badg3r · 24/09/2021 03:21

I would tell him when the kids are out if possible. Do you k ow her well enough to also tell his mum that the relationship is off? So that she knows he will be living there again full time.

Sparklfairy · 24/09/2021 03:22

I think @PyongyangKipperbang was just encouraging perspective here. This man and his tears are not important - at all.

You know he has the capacity to turn nasty and thats not a nice trait in a person. That alone imo is reason enough to break up.

Just get rid, simple, clear, don't allow him the chance to manipulate you. We'll support you when he kicks off. Police, or threat of them, at the ready to get rid of him. Luckily I've only ever had to use the threat, but he knew I would absolutely do it.

Anon778833 · 24/09/2021 03:24

Tell him you've met someone else.

Anon778833 · 24/09/2021 03:25

Have you got a relative that you can have stay with you whilst you kick him out? He's less likely to turn on the water taps if someone else is also there.

Standrewsschool · 24/09/2021 03:29

He goes home to collect his washing and lunch - is he living with his parents?

Pack his stuff up, and when he returns, tell him! Maybe have a friend with you in case he turns nasty. Then block on every social media,and ignore his calls.

Pikamoo · 24/09/2021 03:32

@Snoop85

I know that your all absolutely right. I’m not afraid of him, but he’s very manipulative and I have 2 children. I’m pretty sure he’ll turn into an arsehole because he’s vile when he’s pissed off
In that case wait until he's gone, pack his bags for him and then leave them outside the door. Text him to say it's over and he can pick up his bags at his convenience. Or better yet, you drop them outside his door so he's no need to come to yours again. Obviously do this when your kids aren't there. Who cares if he cries. He sounds awful.
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