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Original poster

Do you tell your OH everything?

83 replies

BlueMoons90 · 20/09/2021 20:16

Just inspired by a recent thread - do you tell your OH everything? I know that's incredibly broad. My DP knows pretty much everything there is to know about me, and I'm very guilty of texting him sporadically throughout the day to tell him very menial things! I put that down to being a SAHM though.

OP posts:

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 20/09/2021 20:46

I don't know. I don't withhold my information but I'm sure there's lots of dull stuff it's never occurred to me to tell him because it's never come up.

Same the other way too. I found out about 3 months ago he isn't that keen on mushrooms.

We've been married 23 years. 😁

We don't tell each other other people's information though. We each spent years working in various support services and need to know, right to know and privacy, safeguarding and so on are well ingrained in both of us. There's something very huge a good family friend told me years ago. I've never told him because it's not my information and if they wanted him to know they'd have told him

Or maybe they have but I don't know because he views other people's information the same way I do. 😁 They didn't tell us when we were together is all I can say for sure.

notacooldad · 20/09/2021 20:49

There's not enough time when we are together to talk about everything.
Personally he knows pretty much everything about me, I think. I've not withheld anything.
If I've been out with friends it's usually late when I get back so he just asks if I had a nice time. I do not break confidences. They are not my stories to tell.
I dont chat much about work except about colleagues ( sue has tried that new Italian restaurant or Pete and his wife are are going to Center Parks.)
When we are together there's loads of stuff to chat about eg films that have just been released, bands on tour, food ( lots of food!)

I dont ring him during the day " just because " and it would piss me off if he started doing that. I dont mind if the call has a purpose or reason ( eg Ds1 called, he wants to know if we fancy going to the Red Lion)

Texting about menial stuff would drive me nuts when I have a job to do.

romdowa · 20/09/2021 20:50

I tell him quite a lot 😅😅 wouldn't break someone's confidence but I do tell him the most mundane shit sometimes and some pretty gross stuff too 🙈🙈

Brokeandtired3 · 20/09/2021 20:53

I havent told him entirely about my "experimental" past and I dont feel the need to anymore.

At first I thought I owed him every inch of me. Then I sat back and realised if it is not current nor effects our current present and our relationship I'm not obliged to tell him anything.

Hawkins001 · 23/09/2021 03:54

@Theriband

Yes. Apart from the affair I've been having for 5 years

How did it begin and how do you balance the time ect ?

NoEffingWay · 23/09/2021 04:44

Yes, but partly because we have known each other for almost twenty years. We were friends before and have seen the good, the bad and the ugly

SpiceWeaselBAM · 23/09/2021 05:50

No. I'm a very private and guarded person. He would probably like me to be more open/honest but it makes me feel uncomfortable for someone to know everything about me. I also have self-esteem issues so I usually don't think he'd be interested in a lot of what I am thinking or doing. He's a very good man, it's me with the issues!

nyktipolos · 23/09/2021 06:04

I would tell him if I know is going to directly impact him.

But there's loads I don't tell him. Some because I just don't think to.

I never tell him anything my best friend tells me as she is his sister. If she wanted him to know she would tell him herself. But also when it's something serious he would want to jump in and help her and often she just wants to vent.

We don't share finances, so there's quite a bit of financial stuff he doesn't know. Like how much I have in savings and invested. I am not going out of my way to keep that from him. I don't know how much he has either.

We aren't getting married to protect my assets and my kids financial futures. So as long as the bills are paid and we are both contributing to shared things, we don't really talk about money. If he wants to buy a new motorbike, he does. If I wanna buy something big for me I do.

I think any relationship can work in anyway as long as both people are happy with it on the same page. If I wasnt telling dp about all my financial situation....but was insisting dp told me everything about his finances, that would be a shitty thing to do and abusive and not a good relationship.

HarrisMcCoo · 23/09/2021 06:05

Yep. He hates it😬

Frannibananni · 23/09/2021 06:10

There’s nothing I couldn’t tell him but that doesn’t mean I tell him everything, anything important or interesting happening now I definitely remember to mention but he doesn’t get a in depth Run down of my entire life.

HelloDulling · 23/09/2021 06:15

No. I don’t have secrets, tho perhaps he does, but equally I don’t tell him all about what going on day to day.

Ragwort · 23/09/2021 06:20

No ... most of my life is pretty dull and boring so why would he want to know ? What do you mean by 'everything'?

I have quite a few hobbies and interests and it would bore him senseless if I discussed them all the time - just as I don't want to hear every detail of his golf game or fishing trip.

Likewise he isn't interested in my friends or want to hear about their daily lives.

He certainly doesn't want to hear about what I discuss on Mumsnet .

MaudebeGonne · 23/09/2021 06:22

No. Like other posters have said, I hear a lot of people’s stories through my work and it would be unethical of me to be chatting about them like it was a storyline in Eastenders. I will say if I have had a particularly emotionally heavy day at work, but just so he knows that I need a bit of time to be quiet and to recover myself.

Generally I share things if I think he would find them interesting or if it is something new that I am engrossed in (like a book or some music), but not every book or piece of music. And thank goodness he is selective about what he shares with me. I don’t need (or care) to know every intricate detail of his latest role playing game.

starrynight21 · 23/09/2021 06:24

Not my past life, no. He just got the highlights of that when we were getting to know each other. Now, yes, nothing is off-limits on a day to day basis, we talk about everything.

SpringRainbow · 23/09/2021 06:26

If I don’t tell him something it’s because I forget, I never got round to it because life got in the way, or it’s just so dull/ menial that I wouldn’t bother telling anyone.

There isn’t anything I would purposely/ maliciously keep from him.

NotReallyAPrincess · 23/09/2021 06:27

I don’t think there’s anything I keep from him, but I don’t tell anecdotes about my day or anything (unless clearly interesting to him).

Always fascinated by threads where someone has told their DP about some nonsense involving a friend, and the friend has kicked off about it. Wouldn’t occur to me to go into loads of detail if I’d been for a catch-up with someone, even if DH knew them well.

SpindleWorld · 23/09/2021 06:46

No, not really. Certainly not other people's confidences.

Oblomov21 · 23/09/2021 07:03

Yep. I don't keep anything from him. It's the way I want my marriage to be.

garlictwist · 23/09/2021 07:06

I don't really tell him the minutiae of my day as it's pretty boring. I'd tell him if something funny or interesting happened.

Mybalconyiscracking · 23/09/2021 07:09

There’s nothing I couldn’t tell him, some things I don’t tell him because he’d just be bored.

MrsDThomas · 23/09/2021 07:14

Absolutely not! Why would you?

Chunkymenrock · 23/09/2021 07:23

No, absolutely not. I'm my own person, not half of a whole.

WhatDidISayAlan · 23/09/2021 07:24

Nope. He doesn’t know much about my past because it’s in the past. He doesn’t know how much I earn. I don’t gossip about my friends. We just live in the present.

JorisBonson · 23/09/2021 07:24

Yep. We chat absolute crap all day long.

bloodywhitecat · 23/09/2021 07:33

Not everything no. I am shit scared about his cancer but I don't tell him my deepest inner thoughts and fears about his and my futures. What is to come terrifies me but he doesn't need to know that.

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