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Original poster

Why do people develop an old person mentality when they reach a certain age?

62 replies

YanTanTethera01 · 20/09/2021 15:40

I am friends with a couple, she is 50 and he's 65. My girlfriend has always been very young-minded, active, trendy etc. but in the past two years she's let her hair grow grey, cut it short, joined activity groups for older people, moved with her husband into a retirement complex and has an attitude of "I'm old, I'll say and do what I want". Both still work in good and enjoyable jobs but aspire to be retired and get positively envious of people who retire early and travel the country in a camper van.

I'm more of an age with her husband but find myself drifting away from them because I can't stand this grump old pair they're turning into. I wonder if it's because I have young family that keeps me young but at some point, I'll also "turn".

OP posts:

Mariell · 20/09/2021 15:44

I’m an old codger and I love it!

MakeMeCleanTheHouse · 20/09/2021 15:44

Are they happy?

Original poster

YanTanTethera01 · 20/09/2021 15:50

I'm not sure they are happy you know. One thing that gets me is them being rude because "they're old now and don't care what people think".

OP posts:

Comedycook · 20/09/2021 15:52

Wow, 50 is so young nowadays...that's shocking imo. I know loads of fifty year olds, they still seem really young, go to gigs, dress young...they're not old.

MrsRobbieHart · 20/09/2021 15:55

I’m 35 and I want to retire also recently chopped off all my hair but haven’t succumbed to the grey yet. A retirement complex sounds quite nice. Do they do meals on wheels?

BeggingCandle · 20/09/2021 15:57

I'd hardly say grey hair is "old". More like not conforming to unrealistic beauty standards.

I'm 41 and grey BTW. But very much young at heart.

TooBigForMyBoots · 20/09/2021 15:59

Old at 50? Fuck me pink and call me Rosy, that's insane!

inmyslippers · 20/09/2021 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

SalsaLove · 20/09/2021 16:00

Growing older is a big deal and maybe she’s scared and uncomfortable. Maybe she doesn’t know how to behave. Who are you to judge a woman at the middle of her life?

Anordinarymum · 20/09/2021 16:03

I'm 66 and I am not old. My hair is grey but it's cut well. I do not have an old person mentality and even if I did my children would snap me out of it quick sharp.
There is a fine line between saying what you think and being rude IMHO

DottyHarmer · 20/09/2021 16:08

Some people do aspire to be old.

The Pil were in rehearsal for retirement their whole life. Dh looks back and thinks, “Gosh, my dad was my age then” as he remembers him moaning about the loud music on Top of the Pops. They were on Saga tours asap and looking for pensioner specials the day they hit 60.

rocklamp · 20/09/2021 16:11

I think it's okay to begin older age planning in good time than leaving it too late, having a crisis and ending up needing others to pick up the pieces. My pil's did no planning and it ended up being very stressful after fil died because mil couldn't cope in the big house with steep stairs and no shower etc.

Your friend's dh is quite a bit older and their planning is probably based on his needs primarily.

The hair thing is no big deal as dyeing it can get expensive and annoying after many years. I'm 51 and no longer dye my hair as I think it's a waste of money.

PermanentTemporary · 20/09/2021 16:12

At 52 I do feel some changes in me - a reduction in mental speed and flexibility at times, plus it takes longer to heal if injured, and fitness disappears quicker if I don't keep it up. But bloody hell, just looking at my 87 year old Mum I know I have many terrific years ahead of me and I'm not old yet!

I wonder if your friends have recently lost or don't have an older generation any more? That shift to 'front of the queue' can be quite a mental challenge - i can see it will be for me.

MrsRobbieHart · 20/09/2021 16:14

@DottyHarmer

Some people do aspire to be old.

Well you see for some people, retirement is actually a nice experience, so why wouldn’t they look forward to it? They’re clearly financially comfortable enough that they can afford to spend their retirement on holidays and such.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/09/2021 16:16

What does the colour or style of her hair have to do with anything?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 20/09/2021 16:16

I don't think you can draw any conclusions about people from a sample of one couple.

I'm 47 and I don't feel like I ever became an adult 😁 I feel like a phoney

JaninaDuszejko · 20/09/2021 16:17

Some people seem to get old quicker than others. My MIL is 85 and full of life and easy going and tolerant. My parents had a lovely neighbour who was the same until she died in her 90s. But I know other people who seem really old in their 60s.

I'm 50 so the same age as your friend and still have a child at primary school, I'm nowhere near thinking about retirement yet. I do have a few grey hairs though that I don't plan to cover up.

PercyPug · 20/09/2021 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Repeats deleted post.

TooBigForMyBoots · 20/09/2021 16:21

I'll be 50 when DS2 is in first year of primary. Being old at 50 isn't an option for me.

Droite · 20/09/2021 16:22

This has very little to do with age. One of the most energetic and forward-thinking people I know is in her 80s.

SecretWitch · 20/09/2021 16:23

I’m 56. Some days I feel older than other days. I exercise 5 days a week and try to eat reasonably. I have a 13 year old at home so I feel the need to keep fit and healthy. My blonde hair is halfway down my back. I do that because I love my hair and want to enjoy it whilst it is still thick and healthy. I look forward to my daughter growing up and my husband retiring. I hope to have a good 25 more years to enjoy life.

RiotAtTheRodeo · 20/09/2021 16:24

Moving into Shady Pines Retirement Home at the age of 50 is pretty funny. If she lives to 100 she'll have spent half her life there.

OrangeTortoise · 20/09/2021 16:26

Moving into a retirement complex at 50

Tal45 · 20/09/2021 16:29

Shocking, a woman let her hair go grey and cut it short? I really hope the man hasn't got short grey hair too but for some reason you didn't mention that.....

Maybe they're just rude to you OP because they find you shallow and misogynistic?

museumum · 20/09/2021 16:30

My parents moved into a retirement flat relatively young (mid 60s) but for them it was so they didn't have to worry about the house and garden when they went off galivanting round the world (pre covid). They didn't travel much when we were at home but since they moved into the flat and released the house equity up till covid hit they were off around europe three times a year, having a wonderful time. plus all over the uk.

I think travelling the country in a camper sounds great and i'm not 'old'. Horses for courses as htey say. But if you no longer have things in common with them then fair enough to drift apart.

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