Why do people develop an old person mentality when they reach a certain age?

[YanTanTethera01]

I am friends with a couple, she is 50 and he's 65. My girlfriend has always been very young-minded, active, trendy etc. but in the past two years she's let her hair grow grey, cut it short, joined activity groups for older people, moved with her husband into a retirement complex and has an attitude of "I'm old, I'll say and do what I want". Both still work in good and enjoyable jobs but aspire to be retired and get positively envious of people who retire early and travel the country in a camper van.

I'm more of an age with her husband but find myself drifting away from them because I can't stand this grump old pair they're turning into. I wonder if it's because I have young family that keeps me young but at some point, I'll also "turn".

Wow retirement complex at 50! That is scary. I wonder why she has done that? I am 58 and DH and I are busy building our own house (and I don't mean having it built, I do mean building it). We also have a 12 year old DS, so sinking into our dotage is not really an option...

I took early retirement from my "day job" but in order to have flexible work (I am freelance now). I have no interest in "retiring" as in not working any more. That would do for me.

It varies from person to person though. Some people carry on enjoying and challenging themselves and pushing boundaries and some people just don't.

I don’t think people do , in mid 50s and my husband is early 60s and we aren’t old at all - he’s on holiday this week and is currently in the garden building a block paving patio . We both have a very young outlook on life .

Travelling the country in a camper van is very trendy right now. You need to keep up with the times, OP.

I'm 53 and a few years ago I looked into local WI meetings. I slapped myself and that notion is now on the back burner.

I'm 70 next year. I cut and dye my own hair blonde with pink tips and apparently pass for mid-50s. My twin sister has just moved and had a stair lift installed, bought a reclining chair and a bed that bends both ends. She says she's future-proofing her house but I think she's potty.

I'll be 50 next year, I have a 9 year old, am training for a marathon, and I don't recognise 50 as some kind of Gateway to Great Age.

Some of people in their twenties who post about their lives on here strike as old before their time

Some people are born old.

I'm 52 and don't recognise myself in anything you've written. I'm certainly not grumpy and still have the good grace not to say every ugly thought that crosses my mind out loud, just because 'I'm old'.

It's not unusual for women to have grey hair these days, it's actually quite trendy.

@Tal45

Shocking, a woman let her hair go grey and cut it short? I really hope the man hasn't got short grey hair too but for some reason you didn't mention that.....

Maybe they're just rude to you OP because they find you shallow and misogynistic?

Yes to this! Struggling to see how grey hair makes anyone grumpy too 🤣 Is the OP jealous of their freedom?

I still have to do the arithmetic to remind myself how old I really am.. 78? How on earth did this happen? Did I fall asleep like RipVan Winkle?

And as they say. "Old age is not for cissies, "

But it sure beats the alternative,

I am hiding out on a small island as before I found refuge here folk in authority kept tellin g me they had arranged a place for me in "sheltered accommodation".

I would be dead in a month. I need the challenges of this wild place to stop me stagnating and fossilizing.

So I will evade capture as long as I can. After all I am ONLY 78

And the authorities hate coming out here. lol.. Scares them.

@TooBigForMyBoots

I'll be 50 when DS2 is in first year of primary. Being old at 50 isn't an option for me.

Yes me too, I'll be 50 when my DD is in P1. Hope I won't be too much of an old codger. They should put a character like that in Motherland, everyone else in their 20s/30s, maybe early 40s and then the oldest mum on the block 😄. 50 is the new 40?

I dont neccessarily think aspiring towards retirement is a bad thing. How many people would work if they didnt have to? It's essentially more time for hobbies and things you enjoy.
If you go on any thread that (however it starts) descends into working parents v SAHM you'll see there are all kinds of ways to use your time productively without working.
I actually think travelling around in a camper isnt all that old-peopley.

I dont think theres any need to be rude, but I also dont think its excusable to be rude if you're "old" either (at what age is it acceptable to become rude because you're old and you dont care what people think...? )

Good on you @SoloISland! Keep evading capture!

None of that sounds "old" to me.

• She's reverted to her natural hair colour and cut it short. So have I, it gives me more time to actually live life and takes less time to put right when I've been for a run/swim/danced all night/got caught in a rain storm

• Aspiring to have the time and means to travel? That's what young people do, isn't it.

• Saying what you think? Isn't that what teens do?

In terms of attitudes, I often find youngish parents are the "oldest". If old means judgemental OP, I think you've proved that point

I'd let my hair go grey if it was. I get envious of people who retire and I can think of nothing better than touring around in our motorhome. I'm 31.

Because we are tired and we ache.

I'm confused

How can you be 65 with a 'young family' ?

Do you mean grandchildren?

Surely it's not all or nothing. I'm 55. I left my hair go grey during COVID as it seemed like a logical time to do this. I work in a professional job. My daughters, who are 20 and 23, borrow some of my clothes. I was on holiday recently and tried parasailing and stand up paddling for the first time. I have also got to love gardening in the past couple of years since I got older and have more time. I prefer going to friends houses for dinner than going to a noisy pub but really enjoy a pub where I can sit and chat. I am less concerned about other people's opinion of me but hope I am not rude. I want to embrace getting older because I firmly believe we should try and embrace wherever we are in life rather than wishing to be older/younger whatever. I don't think though this means I should be disregarded and considered "old" as a negative thing

I'm a bit at people who think having a child late in life keeps you young at heart. I have a ten year gap with mine and simply feel very old when I'm out and about with her (and I only had at 35! 🤣)

I definitely feel much younger when out with my eldest.

It depends on what you mean by "old person mentality". My experience of older people is that they are as diverse as those younger than them.

I do think that some character traits may become exacerbated as people age. Likewise, people know themselves deeply and may decide they want to indulge in likes and interests in a new way.

Do they have children? Having read the threads on here about people who have been left retirement homes to deal with, I'd be more "worried" nosy about that and the headache that'll cause any children.

What is most telling is the pace at which all this happened. A couple of years ago they were going to gigs, had 5 holidays a year, had aspirations to travel but now, nothing. But I accept those are decisions they've made but to be rude, and unapologetically so because they're "old" (at 50 ffs) is weird to me and I find myself having less and less in common with people who think their future is behind them.

A couple of years ago they were going to gigs, had 5 holidays a year, had aspirations to travel but now, nothing

Perhaps because they’ve been there, done that? Maybe they want to just chill after all those back to back holidays and gigs.

They should put a character like that in Motherland, everyone else in their 20s/30s, maybe early 40s and then the oldest mum on the block. 50 is the new 40?

That would be brilliant @SukiPook.
One of the mums at his nursery once asked me if his "other granny" would be picking him up that day.