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Original poster

When someone turns up at your house...

102 replies

PurpleSapphire · 20/09/2021 06:04

I don't like it. Even friends, I like to know a day and time they're visiting. I'm the kind of person who changes into pj's/slobbing around stuff as soon as i'm in the door, bra off, messy hair tied up out of the way. I've never been confident about how I look and I just find it really intrusive. It's my home and I should be able to relax any way I want, not be on constant alert in case someone turns up. Am I just really antisocial and strange?

OP posts:

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 20/09/2021 11:56

I completely agree with Steeple and Sparklingbrook on the bras - I'd say that's the biggest MN phenomenon that I completely don't empathise with at all - the right bra in the right size is more comfortable than no bra! There are a lot of women wearing ill fitting bras clearly!

I used to dislike the idea of letting people into my house when I hadn't had tome to tidy, and rather like the fact that in the non UK place I live its completely normal to call around unannounced but chat on the doorstep for half an hour - there isn't the compulsion to let people in if they've only popped over from a few minutes away . Now the kids are older the house is generally less messy and I care less not at dll about what people think of it anyway, so I'm happy to invite people in but I wouldn't much like unexpected visitors expecting to stay for hours as I usually have things I want to do, and so enjoy time to myself uf I'm not working and the kids are out.

I've always been happy for the kids to have friends over any time, including now teens, as long as they entertain their own friends.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 20/09/2021 12:06

There’s generally a point each day when my house is spotless and I am clean and dressed. There’s also a point when the house is a riot I’m still in pjs cleaning and scrubbing Guess which one almost always is when people turn up unexpectedly at the door?!

Steeple · 20/09/2021 12:24

@wolfstarling

I never take my bra off! I have visions of mumsnetters frantically undressing whilst closing the door with the other hand now.

I think people have actually said this on other past threads on which it’s come up — that they are literally taking off their bra as they step out of their shoes, while shutting the front door behind them.

I’m not saying I don’t believe people do this, as people say it on here so often it’s clearly true, but I do think it suggests a lot of badly-fitting bras, if they’re really uncomfortable enough to have people take them off the moment they’re home…

EssentiallyDisorganised · 20/09/2021 12:36

I think it's nice when people call, I might apologise for the state of the house but I am dressed throughout the day and evening, I wouldn't dream of wandering around the house in just knickers or no bra, it all stays on till bedtime. I never change into pyjamas for the evening either, maybe jogging bottoms and a teeshirt if I want to get out of smart clothes.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 20/09/2021 12:38

I'm also often puzzled by why people (who are in good health and not parents of babies or caring for other dependents who are up frequently in the night) don't get showered and dressed when they get up. Why drag everything out by going downstairs in pyjamas?

theseoldbone · 20/09/2021 13:31

I am actually dressed right now. And I just hoovered and house is tidy. But I don't want to see anyone. If I did I'd have made a plan.

GTAlogic · 20/09/2021 13:39

I'm a total introvert but I really don't mind when people call over, even if the house is a state and I'm in my PJs. They don't even knock, they just walk in. These are people who like and care about me so they are not at all bothered about me or my house looking like a bomb has dropped.

bringincrazyback · 20/09/2021 13:41

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

I suspect the answer lies in the fact that it takes some people longer than others to feel properly awake in the mornings. At any rate, that's why I don't shower and dress straight away.

PoshWatchShitShoes · 20/09/2021 13:43

I love visitors. I like a busy house and I love visiting other people too.

But my bra fits well and I always shower, do my hair and make up when I wake up, so maybe it's because I'm not caught off guard if someone popped over.

Fattedthesecond · 20/09/2021 13:45

Surely most people in the real world ring or text ahead before turning up nowadays. Most people I know do anyway.

My PIL used to turn up announced every Saturday night when DH and I first moved in. It always felt like they expected us to entertain them. Once they turned up in the middle of dinner. They stopped it after DH and I went out one night and they phoned us up, being really arsey and asking where we were.

Seventhascent · 20/09/2021 13:47

It's good manners to text first.

user7012893145776 · 20/09/2021 13:47

I don't mind visitors, sometimes the house is a mess but I live in it so that's to be expected.

SirenSays · 20/09/2021 13:53

I'm a bit of a nudist in my own home 😂 takes me forever to answer the door.

Livpool · 20/09/2021 13:57

A lot of people on Mumsnet do seem to have an irrational hatred of visitors, especially unexpected ones.

It has never bothered me. If people turn up without notice they have to accept the state of my house - I don't care as it's never a complete mess

Betty000 · 20/09/2021 14:00

Doesn't bother me. Anyone who popped round unannounced would be either a good friend or family so couldn't give a shite about me wearing pyjamas or having no bra on!

ReeseWitherfork · 20/09/2021 14:02

sometimes the house is a mess but I live in it so that's to be expected
Glad you've said this, I won't be tidying for family and close friends. After all of the people on thks thread saying they don't want to be caught with their house in a mess it's reassuring to hear I'm not completely alone.

Just to confirm: although I don't mind unexpected visitors, I wouldn't do it to many other people. There's a handful I would though but after years of turning up announced and them welcoming me in and making me a cuppa, I'm confident they don't mind.

I see the argument for calling ahead, but most often than not it's as spontaneous for me as it is for them. My sister lives on my dog walking route, I might pop in one dog walk in 20 to say hello, especially if I have something to tell her. My mum lives on the way back from the shops so if I see her car is outside I'll say hello. I never expect to be invited in for hours, I might be expecting a cuppa at most but those people can tell me to bog off if they're busy (or they don't need to if I can clearly see that they are). It's that sort of thing.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 20/09/2021 14:05

bringincrazyback thats a bit chicken and egg isn't it? Many people sleep walk to the shower and wake up when the water hits... I feel grotty til I've showered, which is why I get up before I need to wake the kids on a day I'm home, and make sure I shower even before an early shift with a 6am start. That's fairly common talking to colleagues who also work shifts, and working in residential accommodation with clients who have to get up early - most people seem to be more awake if they get in the shower, and to stumble downstairs groggily if they don't.

Pinotwoman82 · 20/09/2021 14:08

Haven’t read all of the replies but I agree with you OP, I think it’s rude, I’d never just turn up without letting them know first it’s just common courtesy. I remember years ago I didn’t feel very well had a bit of a tummy ache and was in the toilet and heard a knock at the door, I thought they’d go away but then they were knocking louder and shouting through the letter box, it was my friend saying I know your there. It was really not what I needed

EssentiallyDisorganised · 20/09/2021 14:09

A lot of houses, including ours, have the bathroom downstairs, so showering and dressing before you come down isn't an option. I tend to potter about a bit in my pyjamas before showering and dressing but I can grab a dressing gown to answer the door if needs be.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 20/09/2021 15:23

EssentiallyDisorganised that's a good point - I've never seen a house like that where I live now, I think they're a UK phenomenon and had forgotten about that set up! Still its possible to have the same routine without the upstairs/ downstairs aspect, just as people in flats do. Showered and dressed first thing/ before doing anything else, rather than dragging the process of getting ready for the day out and actually making everything harder for yourself.

EssentiallyDisorganised · 20/09/2021 15:56

Yes, it is but I have found I'm much more likely to get distracted on the way to the bathroom (by cats wanting to be fed amongst other things) than I was when I lived in an upstairs bathroom house. I do agree that its preferable to get dressed soon after getting up, I do feel more efficient and ready for the day that way.

simitra · 20/09/2021 16:35

Its not social anxiety!

I run a business from home. When I am working I am just as much working and unavailable as if I were sitting in some office somewhere. People would not be able to just "drop in" for a coffee/chat or whatever. In these days of universal mobiles its very inconsiderate to just turn up on someone's doorstep unles its a life or death emergency. If you call or text and dont get an answer then the person is either out or its not convenient. End of.

Ring doorbells or small cameras placed over the front door can help you decide whether you want to open the door or not. Ive sat there and watched someone knock and walk away. There can be a great deal of satisfaction in rejecting a whiney neighbour.

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 20/09/2021 16:43

I thought I was an introvert but reading some of these posts I guess I’m really not.
Also, there’s more pressure on you if you’re expecting someone. But if someone just turns up unannounced you’ve got a perfect reason for not being prepared.
I don’t have any friends who would literally turn up and expect to be entertained, anyone I know would make a big thing of not stopping too long and if they overstayed their welcome I’d just find something I “really need to get on with”.

flippertyop · 20/09/2021 16:44

I hate it

theseoldbone · 20/09/2021 17:12

I don't mind the knock and walk away people so much. It's the ones that ring several times, then call your phone to see if you're there or look through the letter box.

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