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Original poster

When someone turns up at your house...

102 replies

PurpleSapphire · 20/09/2021 06:04

I don't like it. Even friends, I like to know a day and time they're visiting. I'm the kind of person who changes into pj's/slobbing around stuff as soon as i'm in the door, bra off, messy hair tied up out of the way. I've never been confident about how I look and I just find it really intrusive. It's my home and I should be able to relax any way I want, not be on constant alert in case someone turns up. Am I just really antisocial and strange?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 20/09/2021 07:20

People who don't mind people dropping in must be permanently showered, dressed and alert

Or they have visitors that don't judge them if they find them not like that at all?

I mean I would rather a text or a call but if a good friend saw me in my dressing gown the world wouldn't end.

ReeseWitherfork · 20/09/2021 07:21

@theseoldbone I'm generally dressed, yes. If I'm napping or in the bath then I don't answer the door. I'm not sure what "guest ready" involves. The people that would turn up unnannounced to my house are they same cohort of people who I'm quite comfortable seeing me without makeup on. On the contrary, I don't see the point in someone calling me asking me if they can come round. Just come round! No appointment needed.

theseoldbone · 20/09/2021 07:30

I'm not talking about being fully made up and perfectly presented. Im just no where near that if I'm not expecting anyone. I think when I was married (going back a few years!) this would have been fine as I always got up and got dressed and he was a clean/tidy freak so the house was always fine.

I guess a true friend can see you in dressing gown, no make up/bra etc. But why not just call ahead and make it a nice visit that you're both ready for instead of catching people unawares.

RampantIvy · 20/09/2021 07:32

People who don't mind people dropping in must be permanently showered, dressed and alert

Dressed and alert, yes, not always showered. I wear fairly scruffy clothes at home, but I don't wear pjs/nightie all day because it makes me feel so unmotivated. We don't have small children, and DD is away at university so the house always looks fairly presentable anyway except for the kitchen

You must be new to MN, not answering Theodore or having months of advanced notice of visits is entirely normal I don't know how you could think it's unusual

I think you should all get some new bras. If you have to tear it off at the front door you need to get measured up properly.

I agree @Sparklingbrook

Do they never have a bath midday or a nap in their pants?

@theseoldbone No. I don't wear make up unless going out, I always get dressed, and my house is usually presentable, so unexpected guests aren't an issue for me. Who wears make up to stay in the house anyway?

derxa · 20/09/2021 07:37

It's the precious phrase 'my home' that annoys me on here. Do people really use this in every day conversation?

Camrette · 20/09/2021 07:37

@PoorCatto

I don't let people in without prior warning. I think it's rude to turn up unannounced unless it's an emergency. I once turned away my own father who arrived on my door step 8.30 on a Saturday morning on his midlife-crisis-cycle. I'd just done 12 days of 12 hours on, 12 hours off shifts. I sent him to the pub at the bottom of the street for breakfast and told him I'd meet him there in an hour. He told me I was something horrible and rode home instead.

I’d have told him to make himself a cup of tea and entertain himself for a bit while I got ready not sent him off to the pub on his own for an hour!

SoloISland · 20/09/2021 07:39

Living on a small sparsely populated island solves a lot of these problems.
As I have CFS/ME I spend most of each day abed and there is a large PRIVATE sign and a mail receptacle on the big locked gate

In absolute need I keep a kaftan to hand. Elegant ...

Travelledtheworld · 20/09/2021 07:41

Brush your hair, put on a clean top and always have one room in the house that looks tidy for visitors.
No problem.
Good friends won't care anyway.
If it's someone really tedious you can always give them 10 mins and say say " really nice to see you but need to go out at 11am so I will be heading for the shower soon."

Sundancerintherain · 20/09/2021 07:42

I used to hate it, especially the in laws as my old house always looked messy ( bugger all storage plus 2 kids) .
Now that the kids have flown the nest we have downsized to a bungalow with great storage so my house always looks ok, I dont mind visitors dropping in unexpectedly.
As for how I look - barefoot in summer sobbing around in shorts ( I'm fat and in my 50's) or in winter in fluffy boot slippers and a mahoosive snuggle cardigan. So meh , I'm at an age when I dont give a shit about someone catching me looking less than perfect.

HalzTangz · 20/09/2021 07:48

OP I'm like you, as soon as I get in I shower and PJ's on, but, I don't care if anyone turns up (because let's face it whoever turns up also has PJ's or casual wear they like to wear when at home).
If people don't like seeing me in PJs they can choose to stop visiting.

I don't get changed even if they announce they are coming

Florasteddy · 20/09/2021 07:50

I quite miss people dropping in. Used to happen a lot when I was growing up/ when my children were young.
People do it less now, I find. Life is very different. But with phones at least you can get to arrange things very easily.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 20/09/2021 07:53

In this day an age it really isn't hard to send a message to someone asking if they're free for a visit. Just turning up is rude.

longwayoff · 20/09/2021 07:58

Friend of a friend with terminal cancer, single parent to three young children, decided a last day out by the sea would be a nice treat for them. They could drop in on Auntie while there. Did Auntie answer the door? She did but only to say she was going out so you can't come in goodbye. Some people.

Beachbabe1 · 20/09/2021 07:59

I'm with you OP. The thought of my knickers drying on the radiator when unexpected guests turn up horrifies me!! Lol I would also like to clean my house before guests arrive and make sure I Look presentable with my bra on!! Ha ha

GameofPhones · 20/09/2021 08:08

But family and friends DO make negative comments, that's why I prefer to keep them out.

RampantIvy · 20/09/2021 08:14

@GameofPhones

But family and friends DO make negative comments, that's why I prefer to keep them out.

You need new friends then.

I am not in the habit of dropping in on people, but I would never judge a friend for not wearing a bra or having an untidy house.

I don't dress in my going out clothes at home, but neither am I a slob. I might be in scruffy jeans and a T-shirt, but I will be wearing knickers and a bra. I only stay in night clothes if I am very ill. I'm not a student

Tintino · 20/09/2021 08:15

Yanbu, no one drops in now because of where I live, it would be ridiculous to not warn me as its a hell of a trek. But I found dropping in so rude before, just the assumption that I'm going to drop whatever I'm doing? No, use your phone to arrange a convinient time for both of us, not just you.

justlonelystars · 20/09/2021 08:18

I can never understand people that show up unannounced. What if the person isn’t in? What if the person is in but has just settled down with a book or Netflix for some peace and quiet? What if they’re busy cooking? What if they’re in the shower? What if the house is a state ana they’re not comfortable with guests seeing it? It’s not hard to text ahead and see if it’s convenient!

justlonelystars · 20/09/2021 08:20

There was a time my mother in law visited unexpectedly then insisted on having a nap in the spare room where all my lacy thongs were hanging up to dry. Mortifying!

DustyMaiden · 20/09/2021 08:24

I think it’s rude to just turn up. People plan their days as they wish then someone else decides to rearrange it.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 20/09/2021 08:25

Is be more concerned about the state of my house sometimes rather than the state of my hair/boobs. I'm not part of the MN crowd who whisks my bra off the minute I'm home, I don't get the whole bra discomfort thing?

HemanOrSheRa · 20/09/2021 08:27

@AFuturisticalSound

You must be new to MN, not answering Theodore or having months of advanced notice of visits is entirely normal I don't know how you could think it's unusual

In the real world ime some like some don't but don't seem to have quite such strong feelings

Poor old Theodore

We live in a small block of flats with a door entry system and security gates. We rarely get unannounced visitors because they can't get in. In fact, someone actually knocking the door is a bit of an event according to the dogs and DP who always says 'Who is that?!' to me 🙄. How the hell do I know. Answer it!

Hawkins001 · 20/09/2021 08:27

As much as I like my friends, personally I think it's a mix when it's your base, especially with different projects happening at different stages.

dworky · 20/09/2021 08:30

Like many people, you have some social anxiety.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 20/09/2021 08:31

never mind what i look like,
it is the state of the house that would concern me
i want that to look at least tidy

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