Page 3 | When someone turns up at your house...

PurpleSapphire · 2021-09-20T05:04:29+00:00

I don't like it. Even friends, I like to know a day and time they're visiting. I'm the kind of person who changes into pj's/slobbing around stuff as soon as i'm in the door, bra off, messy hair tied up out of the way. I've never been confident about how I look and I just find it really intrusive. It's my home and I should be able to relax any way I want, not be on constant alert in case someone turns up. Am I just really antisocial and strange? [grin]

ElinoristhenewEnid · 20/09/2021 08:34

Welcome to Planet Mumsnet!

bellabride · 20/09/2021 08:41

I wonder, too, why people wear these uncomfortable bras.

PattyPan · 20/09/2021 08:46

I don’t look forward to unannounced visitors because my house is generally a huge mess but I’d always let them in and do a quick tidy up. I don’t understand putting pyjamas on before bedtime, I’d feel grotty or like I was ill. And I like wearing a bra, the support is much more comfortable than not wearing one!

LindaEllen · 20/09/2021 08:51

Same here. My dad has a habit of either just turning up, or texting me saying are you home in 10 mins I'll drop round - but then coming even if I've not seen the message yet. Invariably the house will be a mess (and he passes comment about it, really subtly), I'll be working, or have other plans - but I always feel too guilty to turn him away .. which I think is what he's banking on.

PattyPan · 20/09/2021 08:51

People who don't mind people dropping in must be permanently showered, dressed and alert. Do they never have a bath midday or a nap in their pants?

I find it baffling that people are out there padding round their houses ready for guests at all times.

This is one of the weirdest things I’ve read on MN. I’m baffled by how you can be baffled that most people are dressed and awake during the day. Yes, I am dressed during the daytime, that’s a very low bar. And no I don’t nap unless I’m ill generally and if I do I just do it in whatever I’m wearing.

theseoldbone · 20/09/2021 08:53

@PattyPan

People who don't mind people dropping in must be permanently showered, dressed and alert. Do they never have a bath midday or a nap in their pants?

I find it baffling that people are out there padding round their houses ready for guests at all times.

This is one of the weirdest things I’ve read on MN. I’m baffled by how you can be baffled that most people are dressed and awake during the day. Yes, I am dressed during the daytime, that’s a very low bar. And no I don’t nap unless I’m ill generally and if I do I just do it in whatever I’m wearing.

Happy to be operating low bar 😊

Fl0w3ry · 20/09/2021 09:24

I hate it too. I some times operate the approach of 'an unanswered door is a happy door', but some people in my life are so rude that not only do they turn up unannounced, they ring the bell repeatedly and then they lift my letterbox to look in and start calling my name! It's like they think I have nothing better to do with my time than wait in until they decide to do an unexpected 'royal' visit. I wouldn't actually know if they had an emergency because these particular people treat every visit like an emergency is happening! It probably makes me sound antisocial, but it's these overbearing people who have no concept of boundaries who have made me feel that way!

RampantIvy · 20/09/2021 10:28

I’m baffled by how you can be baffled that most people are dressed and awake during the day. Yes, I am dressed during the daytime. And no I don’t nap unless I’m ill generally and if I do I just do it in whatever I’m wearing.

Same here. Everyone I know is up and dressed during the day - except for DD and her student friends

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/09/2021 10:34

@Steeple

To be honest, I don’t get the Mn thing of ripping off your bra the second you get in the door, as if it were an instrument of torture, and think if it’s really that uncomfortable, you should get a professional fitting. A bra that fits you shouldn’t be uncomfortable.

Same. I find not wearing a bra more uncomfortable than wearing one but I have fairly big boobs and wear decent, fitting bras.

As for unannounced visitors, the only ones I get are my parents and it’s a bit annoying when I’m working but I know there will come a day when I’d give anything for them to drop round so I’m not going to complain.

Sunshineandflipflops · 20/09/2021 10:40

@RampantIvy

I’m baffled by how you can be baffled that most people are dressed and awake during the day. Yes, I am dressed during the daytime. And no I don’t nap unless I’m ill generally and if I do I just do it in whatever I’m wearing.

Same here. Everyone I know is up and dressed during the day - except for DD and her student friends

Also, yes if I’m not in bed (which is generally between the hours of 10pm-7/8am) then I am up, showered and dressed. I don’t always have a face if make up on but I don’t nap in the day and I don’t walk around in pants. I think my two teenagers would be mortified if I did…

MintyGreenDream · 20/09/2021 10:48

I agree.Sil always rocks up without calling ahead it pisses me off.Its like their time is more important.

eddiemairswife · 20/09/2021 10:55

Don't the walking around in pants people ever have window-cleaners?

ReeseWitherfork · 20/09/2021 11:00

Don't the walking around in pants people ever have window-cleaners?

Or nosey passers by?

RampantIvy · 20/09/2021 11:08

Or windows even

Boombadoom · 20/09/2021 11:09

I hate it. My dad used to just turn up, as does my brother and my FIL. I absolutely can’t stand it. I didn’t grow up with any of them and I don’t feel comfortable in my pjs unshowered with them there. Once my brother turned up and I’d just got out of the shower, so still in a towel. It was so embarrassing.

Thankfully nobody else I know does it.

GreyCarpet · 20/09/2021 11:13

I don't do pop ins. Everyone knows. I don't answer the door if it goes and I'm not expecting anyone.

theseoldbone · 20/09/2021 11:15

@eddiemairswife

Don't the walking around in pants people ever have window-cleaners?

Haha no, top floor flat, no onlookers and window cleaners use long sticks

Magspy · 20/09/2021 11:18

I don't "get" the ongoing Mumsnet drama about people not answering the door when they aren't expecting someone. I'd have said it was pretty common before I ever read a word on Mumsnet, and it's not all about messy houses or being half undressed. I know a lot of women who live alone who do it for safety and peace of mind, plus people working from home or caring for children that don't want or can't have random interruptions. Sometimes there is also an element of anxiety or even trauma (much more common than people seem to ever consider).

If you pop by someone's house unannounced, you're always taking the chance that they're out, in the shower or bath, asleep, blasting music, wearing noise-cancelling headphones, or in the middle of something they can't put aside. So even if someone doesn't answer the door because they just don't want to, no one is any worse off.

And for the people who KNOW that a particular person dislikes surprise visits, it IS rude to just drop by. The fact that YOU would like or not mind it is irrelevant.

bringincrazyback · 20/09/2021 11:36

Always irks me when people talk sarcastically about 'appointments' on these threads. It's not about appointments, it's about respect for the other person's time.

Turning up on someone's doorstep was all very well and good when there weren't umpteen other forms of communicating. But now that there are, I don't get why people - even close family and friends -wouldn't want to check it's convenient before they rock up. It's better for the visitor too so they know they won't be wasting their time.

RampantIvy · 20/09/2021 11:41

Although I don't mind people turning up I wouldn't do this to anyone without ringing first.

I do answer our front door though (and the phone )

bringincrazyback · 20/09/2021 11:43

@theseoldbone No. I don't wear make up unless going out, I always get dressed, and my house is usually presentable, so unexpected guests aren't an issue for me. Who wears make up to stay in the house anyway?

Me. I WFH but on a good day (which isn't every day as I have chronic fatigue) I like to dress nicely and wear makeup to feel good about myself.

Re the aforementioned chronic fatigue, part of the reason drop-ins can be difficult for me is that on a bad day I might not manage to get dressed until lunchtime or even later.

EvilPea · 20/09/2021 11:43

I always wanted to be that person who loved and welcomed unexpected visitors.
But I’m not good with it. At all. I’ve hidden and told the kids to shhh before

wolfstarling · 20/09/2021 11:45

I never take my bra off! I have visions of mumsnetters frantically undressing whilst closing the door with the other hand now.

SmellyOldOwls · 20/09/2021 11:45

I don't often get unannounced guests but when I do, it's ALWAYS when I've decided to put on my pjs at 4pm (which only happens once in a blue moon) or when it's almost the kids bedtime, or when I'm just about to sit down to my dinner.

user1471538283 · 20/09/2021 11:53

I used to love it! I always had people over and we used to meet up at mine prior to a night out. I like people coming over but I couldn't host (partly because the apartment is so small) and if I am meeting people I like to be out somewhere doing it.

More and more I like my home to be just quiet and still.