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Original poster

Mentally unwell partner just walked out

68 replies

Wiggles278 · 19/09/2021 13:47

He feels like he can't be at home because 'they're coming for him' and he has to 'go into hiding'. He hasn't told me where he's going or for how long, but he's gone on foot.

I really just don't know what to do. I'm not necessarily worried for his safety so I don't want to waste police time.

He has been in contact with mental health services for a while but thinks they're in on it. As a brief background, he has been treated very badly by an employer (in healthcare) and has had some not great but not awful experiences with a GP and mental health services, and now believes there's some NHS/healthcare-wide cover up/conspiracy to get him. I don't know how to get him help when he thinks everyone is working against him, and if they suggest he goes on medication (which they have, multiple times) he takes this as confirmation that there's a cover-up and they're accusing him of being insane to deflect from what's really going on.

I'm just at the end of my tether with it all. I feel exhausted, defeated and just so, so sad.

OP posts:
HairyFeline · 19/09/2021 13:49

Have you contacted the MH crisis team? If he’s in the system they will advise you best. Sorry you’re going through this; it’s very hard isn’t it.

FrankiesKnuckle · 19/09/2021 14:00

He's clearly paranoid and delusional.
I would call his crisis team and ask for advice. If he's missing for more than 24 hours then it may be a matter for the police, you can report as a high risk misper.

Hen2018 · 19/09/2021 14:09

Phone the police. I had to do this for a family friend in similar circumstance and the police went to huge efforts and were really good. (Apologies to any police personnel but I was really surprised).

I hope it all goes ok - a very worrying time for you.

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General health
ThatsNotMyReindeer · 19/09/2021 14:12

As above, contact his mental health team for advice. Does he have a diagnosis? Sounds like hes experiencing paranoia and delusions, possibly having a psychotic episode.

ThatsNotMyReindeer · 19/09/2021 14:12

(the MH team will likely say to call police)

Original poster
Wiggles278 · 19/09/2021 14:23

Thanks everyone.

I'm worried about calling the crisis team because he thinks they're part of the conspiracy. I'm also worried about wasting police time as he might come back of his own accord later on.

He was recommended anti-psychotics and a consultation with a psychiatrist recently after a previous episode of paranoia (which didn't involve him leaving the house) but he refused as he thinks he's being offered them so he can be labelled insane and this will help with their conspiracy as they won't have to take him seriously.

I would feel so bad getting the mental health team and police involved as he made me promise I would stop him getting sectioned if it came to that, and I would feel like I'm breaking the promise and throwing him to the very people he doesn't trust, but at the same time I know he's not in his right mind.

OP posts:
KeyWorker · 19/09/2021 14:47

Call the police!! He’s paranoid, they aren’t in on anything! Call the police to get him the help he needs.

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 19/09/2021 14:49

You do not need to wait 24 hours to report a person missing. Especially when they are mentally unwell and could put themselves at risk

Hellocatshome · 19/09/2021 14:52

You know your DH but if someone said "they are coming for me" and that they had to go into hiding I would call the police. You do not need to wait 24 hours for a vulnerable person.

Rainbowheart1 · 19/09/2021 14:56

It must be hard for you both. I imagine he feels his living in a nightmare that no one else can see if he feels “people are coming for him”. And it must be hard for you as your rational and he is not, but how do you explain to someone they are not thinking straight when they are so convinced people are “all in on it and maybe you too”.

It’s hard, call the police and the crisi team.

Rainbowheart1 · 19/09/2021 14:58

If that’s the case can he sit down and talk to you about who is coming for him and what you can do together to get this under control.

He does need to take meds, so he needs to compromise. Can he take meds if he knows you have his back and will ensure no one will come to the house to take him? Would he do it then?

VavavoomHenry · 19/09/2021 15:01

I was unwell about 15 year ago and very paranoid. There was some truth in it (very nasty employer doing illegal things). The craziness and injustice of the actual facts of the situation made it somehow easier for me to believe that all kinds of other crazy things were going on that weren’t.

I ended up getting a private counsellor through a charity. Knowing they were independent was really helpful and they believed me and tried to understand the ‘trigger’.

No doubt my husband could have got me sectioned but I’m very glad he didn’t.

I have been fully well for such a long time it honestly feels like it happened to a different person.

I don’t want to give advice because you will know far better the right course of action OP. But I just wanted to offer a different perspective that paranoia doesn’t have to be part of a life long serious mental health condition and can be situational, even when it seems really, really ‘off the deep end’.

Mariell · 19/09/2021 15:02

He’s vulnerable. He could start speaking this nonsense to anyone and they take advantage of him.

I could tell him that I’m an angel sent to rescue him and for him to come to my home for sanctuary where sadly he gets beaten up in a bed sit and his wallet taken etc.

Call the mental health team and the police.

GoWalkabout · 19/09/2021 15:03

Sorry for your troubles. You can't do deals when someone is not rational. Just tell the crisis team what you have told us.

WellThatsATurnipForTheBooks · 19/09/2021 15:09

Call the mental health team although, in my experience, they may not be of any help at all. Then call the police.

I had to do this with a friend of mine. The police were actually far more interested and helpful than the Crisis Team.

I can understand how difficult it must be for you and how utterly exhausting it is dealing with the situation. My close friend has been unwell and regularly sectioned for years so I have seen what impact it has had on those close to her.
Look after yourself

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 19/09/2021 15:10

Oh OP, this is a tough one. I've been your DP. I have bipolar disorder and C-PTSD, and in the past I've done very similar things. It's unbelievably distressing for everyone involved, so my heart goes out to you both.

The crisis team in my area is nothing short of useless. I was once found by the police several miles away from home, in the early hours of the morning, in pyjamas and barefoot in the snow. I was taken to the station because I couldn't remember where I lived (I was in the midst of a psychotic episode), and the crisis team told them that a psychiatrist wouldn't be available to assess me until Wednesday. It was Sunday. Sadly, this is really common.

The police took me home because they genuinely didn't want to put me in a cell for 'safety' - I wasn't a threat to anyone, but they could see I was desperately unwell.

Getting appropriate and timely help is a minefield. I wish I had some solutions here, other than keep on pressing the crisis team. Gather as much evidence you can of erratic and paranoid behaviour. Call an ambulance if necessary - my STBXH had to do that once, and the paramedics were fantastic, they made sure I got the help I needed and a proper assessment.

Good luck x

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2021 15:12

Op you know you need to call them for his safety. Please don’t buy into his delusions and paranoia. He needs help.

Polkadots2021 · 19/09/2021 15:14

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm afraid sectioning him is the only real possibility for him getting the long term help that he needs bit I understand why that's so hard to do.

romdowa · 19/09/2021 15:24

I know you promised that you wouldn't call the mh team or the police but if he was bleeding would you promise not to help him then? During a crisis you have to break promises to keep others safe.

CharlotteRose90 · 19/09/2021 15:33

I get why you won’t call the police but I’m sorry you need too. What happens if he hurts someone or himself. The police need to find him and fast. He’s in a crisis and doesn’t trust anyone. He’s a danger to everyone. Contact the crisis team and the police .

Original poster
Wiggles278 · 19/09/2021 15:34

I've called the Crisis Team and they basically said it was up to me whether or not I thought it was worth calling the police, but they advise that I should.

I have just spoken to my partner and he said he has an awful headache (he has had it for a while after an injury at work). He's going to take some painkillers so he can decide 'how to sort this out' but he still seems to think people are after him. I am tempted to give him another couple of hours to come home before calling the police as I just feel so guilty. I am also worried they'll just bring him back home and he'll be angry/upset about why I called the policy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wiggles278 · 19/09/2021 15:36

@VavavoomHenry Something similar might have happened here. The way he has been treated by his ex-employer has been awful, I don't dispute that, but he is now attributing some malicious intent to it and thinks everyone else (NHS etc.) is covering it up. You said "the craziness and injustice of the actual facts of the situation made it somehow easier for me to believe that all kinds of other crazy things were going on that weren’t" and I think that is going on here too.

OP posts:
Cameleongirl · 19/09/2021 15:41

If he’s had a persistent headache due to an injury, could he be suffering from concussion or some sort of brain injury? He really needs to be medically assessed, OP.

Original poster
Wiggles278 · 19/09/2021 15:43

@Cameleongirl He was taken to A&E the day of the injury and they said it was just a concussion. He has been to see his GP about the persistent headaches but the GP said it was probably just stress. This has compounded the issue as he now thinks the GP is refusing to look into it properly to help cover up his employer's incompetence.

OP posts:
Cameleongirl · 19/09/2021 15:44

Oh dear, I’m so sorry, OP. It’s a horrible situation.💐