How would you respond to this friend?

[JBlow]

I have a friend who i am very fond of but every time I see her, she tells me I look tired.

This is even when I am fairly well rested and have made an effort with my appearance. It is starting to make me feel bad about myself, like I must look ropey.

I have tried responding that I thought I looked ok (in shocked tone) but she replied that she didn't say I didn't look ok, but that I look tired.

How can I put a stop to these comments? For background I do have a baby but the sleepless nights have improved in recent weeks so I am sleeping more.

Beat her to it next time and tell her she looks tired

Very good 😜

“I am - tired of you telling me I look tired. You say it every time I see you, can you stop it now please”.

Sounds like badly worded concern. I’d be honest: “yes, I am tired, but we’re coping fine. I’m trying to put some effort in to my appearance and frankly you’re making me feel bad about myself”. Or “yes, I am tired, are you offering to help”!

Don’t say that I look tired when I tell you every time we meet that I’m not, as it pisses me off.

When you meet-up with someone and think they look tired you don’t leap in and tell them because if they do look knackered it would indicate they are stressed, so by telling they look tired you are adding to that stress!

I’m blunt but I would wait for the conversation to get flowing and see if they mention that they are having trouble sleeping or under stress or have a lot on their plate, rather than say they look tired which is really rather insulting!

I would mention ways in which I could help or suggest supplements etc that I use in similar times of stress.

Next time you are going to meet her, send her a text when you are on your way (so it's fresh in her mind) saying
"Just letting you know I'm nearly there and by the way I'm not tired 😂"
If she doesn't comment on it you've made your point. If she does comment on it you have the perfect opening to point out that she says it every time you meet so you were getting in first. She might not realise she does it, she might say it to everyone she meets like a habit.

I’d just be blunt. “I don’t know if you’re trying to make me feel bad about myself, but that’s what happens when you say that”.

Possible responses:

“Why?!”

“Thanks very much” with heavy dose of sarcasm

“So you do, are you okay?”

Burst into fake sobs and tell her she’s upset you terribly.

Oh my MIL does this to me! I just pretend that she hasn't said it and breeze past it in the conversation.

It is starting to make me feel bad about myself, like I must look ropey.

Tell her this*

Do you have a good concealer for under your eye area?

Perhaps you just have thin skin there which can look a bit blue and that’s what she thinks you’re tired when actually it’s just thin skin and you’re fine?

She is 100% doing this on purpose with full knowledge of how it will make you feel. Next time she does it look coy and giggle and say that due to your child sleeping better you and your partner/husband have been shagging like teenagers.

"Great minds. I was just thinking the same about you"

Thank you all some great recommendations on how to respond

'you say that every time I see you.... Time to accept that's just my normal face'