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Original poster

DC(6) refused to leave cafe and had a tantrum

73 replies

Walkingriver · 18/09/2021 13:32

DC(6) flatly refused to leave a cafe today and as I got up to leave he starting shouting, blocked the archway to leave with both arms and legs spread across it. I had to forcibly move his arm to get passed him and he threw himself on the floor screeching and howling. I managed to get him on his feet and pull him out of the cafe by his arm, all the while he was screeching and thrashing.

The cafe was packed and so many people were staring at us. I could die of shame and embarrassment. He’s 6 ffs. When I, as his DM, say we are leaving why on earth does a 6yo think they get to dictate otherwise?

What could I have done differently? I can never go into that cafe again, his behaviour was horrific and loud.

(We had been waiting 20 mins for table service and despite assurances they would take our order soon, 3 times, I said let’s go to a different cafe nearby).

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 18/09/2021 13:34

Is this a once off incident?

Quartz2208 · 18/09/2021 13:35

I take it you went to order food and he was hungry because he had been waiting and presumably saw leaving as not getting food.

How did you say we are leaving - I imagine you were quite annoyed given the situation of waiting 20 mins to order how did you explain it to him.

Did you just say we are leaving?

ItWearsTheBatteriesOut · 18/09/2021 13:36

Hunger

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FourTeaFallOut · 18/09/2021 13:38

You dragged him out by his arm? No wonder people were looking. Did you ask him why he was carrying on before it escalated to this point?

delilahbucket · 18/09/2021 13:38

He was hangry, that's why. You need to explain to him why you are doing something because he probably didn't understand and thought he wasn't getting fed if you left

MrsPear · 18/09/2021 13:39

If it’s not regular occurrence then don’t worry. Usually tiredness I find or just really hungry. Or both. Seriously in my book you did the right thing. You didn’t sit back down you just marched him out of there. We have all died internally of embarrassment at some point due to children’s behaviour. When he is a teenager it will be him dying of embarrassment just by your existence 🤣

MrsPear · 18/09/2021 13:41

Oh and ignore the tree hugging lot who never say no - there children always are like the golden goose child in Charlie in the chocolate factory and the class bully. And as for he didn’t understand he is 6 and we are not getting service let’s try else where is hardly difficult

victoriaspongecake · 18/09/2021 13:42

You were quite right in my opinion. You asked him to do something he refused you dealt with it. What else could you have done? He needs to learn that if you ask him to do something he does it. I wouldn’t be taking him to a cafe or anywhere else in the near future tho until he realised that he needs to listen to you.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/09/2021 13:44

You dragged him out by his arm? No wonder people were looking. Did you ask him why he was carrying on before it escalated to this point?

I would have physically removed him too. I am not negotiating with a screeching 6 year old. We would discuss it when he has calmed down.

FourTeaFallOut · 18/09/2021 13:45

I'm not a tree hugger because I'd ask my kid why he was being a pain before I dragged him anywhere by his arm.

More than likely, he'd answer he really wanted to stay because he was hungry. I think that's reasonable - I wouldn't want to give up on food after twenty minutes of waiting patiently.

DotBall · 18/09/2021 13:49

More than likely, he'd answer he really wanted to stay because he was hungry

🤣🤣 So you expect a hangry child who’s flipped his lid to instantly self-regulate and explain calmly and rationally why he wanted to stay?

Yeah, whatever.

MrsTumbletap · 18/09/2021 13:51

At 6 he is capable of having the situation explained to him (unless there additional needs you are not sharing)

At 6 you should be able to say, there is another cafe nearby shall we go there? Let him feel like he has a choice in the matter. If he says "no I want to wait because they do the nice sandwiches/special muffins" etc whatever it is he wants there. Talk, listen and compromise.

If he is having a tantrum it's because he is mad about something and can't communicate it with words. Which in my opinion ends at about 3 years old when they can explain what they are thinking.

Tantrums after that are from children that are frustrated with not being listened too or part of the decision making process. Why is mad? What was it he wanted? What is view on the whole situation?

FourTeaFallOut · 18/09/2021 13:53

"I'm hungry" is something most kids can manage. Also explaining how and why you needed to leave before you demanded it would help. And you can whatever me all you like, but I have three children all over six and I've never needed to drag them out of shop or cafe.

Sirzy · 18/09/2021 13:56

I think the key here is actually what happened before. Did you explain to here clearly that because they where so busy you would leave but that instead you wokld go somewhere else?

Often the key to a behaviour is in what happens leading up to it rather than the behaviour itself.

gardeninggirl68 · 18/09/2021 13:56

i'd just say bye to him and walk out....he would follow eventually

Longdistance · 18/09/2021 13:56

Yy y😻to hangry. I have one that gets mardy if hungry. She’s 10 now and would have lost it if she didn’t get her food. She is still grumpy when not fed, but I know to make sure she never skips a meal 😂
I hope he had his fuel and chilled out after. Maybe teach him about disappointment as there’s going to be plenty of that in life.

Wnikat · 18/09/2021 13:57

He was hungry and they’ve been back at school two weeks and are tired.

choli · 18/09/2021 13:58

@FourTeaFallOut

You dragged him out by his arm? No wonder people were looking. Did you ask him why he was carrying on before it escalated to this point?
Should she have left him there to carry on?
ShowOfHands · 18/09/2021 13:59

There could have been any number of reasons why he struggled in that moment. It could have been hunger, worry, lack of sleep, a misunderstanding, boundary testing and many more things.

The important things to remember are that those people are not part of your life and likely weren't judging you. I reckon many had a lot of sympathy actually. And there's still a way to repair things and use what happened to help teach him to manage his feelings. That's a skill we all need to learn and plenty of adults struggle with it. When he is calm, fed and able to talk, you can have a conversation about it which involves both of you listening and planning for the future and how he will manage his feelings better next time.

It feels awful but he's 6 and lost control and made poor decisions. This will be happening all over the globe right now!

AlexaShutUp · 18/09/2021 14:01

I'd have given my dd the choice as to whether to wait longer in the slow cafe or whether to go elsewhere to get served quicker. He was probably hungry and didn't fully understand why you were leaving.

FourTeaFallOut · 18/09/2021 14:02

Should she have left him there to carry on?

No. I'd never let it get that far. I'd have explained the plan and dealt with any questions and grumblings before we left the table.

Mariell · 18/09/2021 14:03

I’ve had this happen to me only the child was an adult. A vegan who when she got hungry would be like Gizmo one moment and Stripe the evil Gremlin the next!

She became positively satanic but thankfully that was many years ago and there is much more vegan food really available so it’s rare that she becomes ‘hangry’!

You handled it correctly.

Airplanes · 18/09/2021 14:03

My very easygoing, calm 6 year old had a complete meltdown yesterday because she was hangry. Her friend's mom was there and couldn't believe how extreme she was. She's normally a kid who can listen and understand disappointments but yesterday was just too tired and hungry to cope. 10 minutes later, she had food and was absolutely fine again.

The judgy comments don't help and just make people look like arses.

Mybalconyiscracking · 18/09/2021 14:05

It is acceptable to drag a sixth year old out of a public space if he is being an idiot. All of you going “ You dragged out by his arm? Shock” need to calm down.

DotBall · 18/09/2021 14:05

And you can whatever me all you like, but I have three children all over six and I've never needed to drag them out of shop or cafe

Fantastic, well done super-mum. I hope their teens go smoothly too.

(Mum of a NT mid-20s superbly well-regulated adult who knows where ‘the line’ is, yet had to be dragged out of Sainsbury’s, a hotel dining room, emergency car stops off an A road, etc etc as a young child in order to have time and space to self-regulate.)