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Original poster

How quickly did you make friends at the school gates?

59 replies

KittenMama · 16/09/2021 17:47

My DD has started reception and it's been a big change for both of us.

I'd kind of been looking forward to making friends with other parents and I keep reassuring DD she'll make new friends but I'm worried for myself. We've moved area and I desperately need local friends to keep my sanity!

However, it's been all of a week and a half and I'm still searching for my people at the school gates.

Have the WhatsApp groups already started?

OP posts:

2lsinllama · 16/09/2021 18:21

Down South - never accepted as I was an older, working mum.
Moved to the North West (Y4) and had an invitation to join the Mum’s group for our class by the end of the first week.
Maybe try to instigate a conversation with a friendly looking person - or ask a question (even if you know the answer)

Comedycook · 16/09/2021 18:22

A week and a half is nothing! You are expecting too much too soon. Give it time

lanbro · 16/09/2021 18:22

I have a habit of just talking to anyone so pretty quickly, just get in there, nothing to lose!

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CrumpetsForAll · 16/09/2021 18:24

It’s not really kicked off until now- the summer hol before year one for me and that’s after a year of pre school and reception. Possibly if covid hadn’t happened and a socially distanced playground through reception it might have been sooner

KeyboardWorriers · 16/09/2021 18:25

Give it time. For me it was when the birthday parties started that I started to get to know people and then friendships grew from there. I am in the south east though, but drew on my northern instinct to just strike up random conversations.

User5827372728 · 16/09/2021 18:25

My sons started reception and were ending week 2! I’ve only managed one drop of and one pick up with a 2 year old in tow so am also still friendless 😂

SockQueen · 16/09/2021 18:25

I haven't spoken to anyone there yet. There are such crowds and I've usually got 2yo DS2 with me as well, so I mostly just chat to him. Maybe I should make more effort.

Buyitinbamboo · 16/09/2021 18:26

My daughter is year 1 and we only just had a WhatsApp set up. A week and a half is nothing I wouldn't worry. I will smile and say hello but only really talk to a couple I knew before and DDs best friends parents

yellowgingham · 16/09/2021 18:26

About six months I think. Definitely give it time because it can take a while. In my area there is usually a whole class WhatsApp group, does your DD's class not have one? If not could you set one up?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 16/09/2021 18:31

Try not to expect too much - it's great to be friendly and get to know your DC's friends' families, but at this stage you are just getting to know names.

LimeRedBanana · 16/09/2021 18:31

It takes a lot longer than a week and a half!

It was probably a year of small talk, play dates, kids’ parties, meeting people, chatting, before I really started to get an idea of who the kindred spirits were.

For the most part, you just don’t spend enough time with people at drop off/pick up to really get to know them.

It takes time.

Lavendersquare · 16/09/2021 18:32

I met my best friends by joining the pta and getting involved with school fetes and organising treats for the children. In a addition one of the other ways I made school friends was to invite a child round to play and have tea after school, always have a cup of tea with the mum afterwards when they came to collect and again made some lovely friends.

Thatsplentyjack · 16/09/2021 18:35

I didn't, I oy talk to people that I know for other reasons. In all honesty I have no interest in making friends. I'll smile at people and say hello every now and then, or if they say hello to me.

ivykaty44 · 16/09/2021 18:36

you need to be pro active with chat, coffee and invitations

be thick skinned to the knock backs and continue onwards

lannistunut · 16/09/2021 18:36

Honestly would suggest you focus on making friends away from school. The trouble with school gate friends is if they go wrong, you are left dealing with it for years. Plus it can negatively impact your child at times.

So if you are new to an area - hunt elsewhere for now and let the school gate friends evolve naturally.

ivykaty44 · 16/09/2021 18:39

try "meet ups" to make friends any from the school gates, they have various rambling, book, mans clubs you can join - the beauty is you can know others also want to be friendly at this type of event

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/09/2021 18:40

Never. I've got friends already, I'm not bothered about forcing school mum friendships. DS is in Year 4 and I have never socialised with any of the parents.

Shakeyourface · 16/09/2021 18:44

WhatsApp’s groups may well have started. Ask around if there’s a class one. If there’s not set one up. Then arrange a social. If no-one does it it won’t happen.

Shakeyourface · 16/09/2021 18:47

And ignore people who feel above being pleasant and friendly to others in their community, making school mum friends is hugely helpful - even if you have other friends as most of us do 🙄. Helping out at drop off/ pick ups, organising play dates for the children - during home schooling it was a lifeline. And, at my child’s school at least, those kids with parents who socialise occasionally seem to have better friendship groups purely because they hang out more out of school

HotPenguin · 16/09/2021 18:51

Join the PTA! They are usually separate for volunteers.

HotPenguin · 16/09/2021 18:51

*desperate

TeenTitan007 · 16/09/2021 18:52

I had moved area too so I volunteered for a lot of things in Reception - class parties, Xmas events, school trips - made inroads with the whole year group pretty quickly. Some are good friends now but everyone does smile/talk (even when I might have forgotten their name or whose parent they are 🙈). It's a friendly bunch (but I've heard gossip that says the opposite so maybe I am naive)

rooarsome · 16/09/2021 18:53

We hosted the first birthday party of the year for DD, so I got to know parents via that.
Sadly I still don't know anyone from my son's class as he started during covid times. I wouldn't know most of them if I tripped over them in the street, as we still have staggered drop off/collection times

fruitpastille · 16/09/2021 18:58

Could you ask the teacher who your child is friendly with? Then ask the child for a playdate and suggest mum could come and have a coffee with you at the same time.

I agree that being friendly with the other parents is massively helpful as they go through school. For friends not at school I would check out local groups on Facebook.

alphabetspagetti · 16/09/2021 18:59

The person who became one of my closest friends I didn't speak to until the summer term although I'd also spotted her frequently looking equally friendless.
Another person who became a really good friend I didn't meet until Yr2 as she worked weekends so never did the birthday party rounds as the two pick ups I did a week happened to coincide with the days her child went to the grandparents for tea and the day her DH did pick up.
Some that I spoke to in the first weeks of the autumn term I've never really spoken to since as we moved onto different friendship groups.

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