How quickly did you make friends at the school gates?

[KittenMama]

My DD has started reception and it's been a big change for both of us.

I'd kind of been looking forward to making friends with other parents and I keep reassuring DD she'll make new friends but I'm worried for myself. We've moved area and I desperately need local friends to keep my sanity!

However, it's been all of a week and a half and I'm still searching for my people at the school gates.

Have the WhatsApp groups already started?

Stop panicking. It took me 3 years . I did have to join the PTA though and make a bit of effort.

have you asked the school if there is a class watsap OP? Normally there is a class rep and you might have been missed off it.

When we joined a new school it was really different according to DC classes.

DC2 started year 3 when we all went back to school in September last year so every one had masks on. It was a cold bunch already in groups of established 'friendships' - I only really speak to one or two a year later.

DC3 started kindergarten at the same time and it was a totally different kettle of fish. Much warmer and friendlier, every chatting over how cute the kids looked ect we met up for clandestine walks in the parks with the kids and got to know each other that way. A year later the class has moved up, all still very friendly with each other and welcoming new parents.

Ask the school who - if any Ione is doing the class watsap. if no one is, you do it. The school can put your number in the kids school book bags.

It depends on the school and the area.

DD1 started reception in a lovely little school and I made loads of friends quite soon.

We moved areas when she was between year 1 and 2. Brilliant school but very cliquey area and didn't manage to make friends with any of the parents. I put it down to her being in year 2 and the fact that the other parents had known each other since their DC had been in reception, they probably weren't interested about making other friends. I thought I'd make some when DD2 started reception.

DD2 is now in year 6 and I've made a grand total of 1 school mum friend at that school . To be fair, she's brilliant and one of my favourite people so she makes up for the lack of numbers. It's quality not quantity 😂.

There are other people that I smile and say hi to, but it's never gone further. DD2 has lots of friends so that's what's important and that's all that matters.

8 years later and I have yet to have a solid conversation with another parent at the school gate...I park the car, walk them to the gate, let them into the yard and head to work.They are usually the second kids in the yard on a school morning and I drop them 10-15 mins before school starts so I don't actually see other parents.

Btw, when they get invited to parties and play dates that helps because you get talking to the other parents.

DD2 kinda scuppered me in that way because at parties I couldn't leave her. She wanted to go to the party but wouldn't leave my side. I had to sit with her on my knee which wasn't great for mingling with the other parents!

We have a year group coffee morning every week after drop off. Early enough (8.30) for those who work to drop by for a quick one, and really helps finding out what's going on. Obviously a core group keep it going (we did Houseparty for one year group throughout lockdown, the other just went on hold).
I also volunteered at the school uniform shop and to help with the discos/Christmas Fair etc.
My daughter has just started a new school for sixth form, and I was disappointed to read in this weeks newsletter that the 'friends of' and a couple other parent groups have already met - I wish they had published or reached out to new parents who might not know how and when these groups meet.

And if there isn't a coffee morning, set one up. I did after my eldest's year group fell apart due to factions within the group. Just start with one or two other mums, get the word out a few more will join in.

@MajorCarolDanvers

Don't rely on the school gates for friends. Just because people have children the same age doesn't mean you will have anything in common.

Join a club, a gym, get a hobby, volunteer, get a job. You are far more likely to find like minded people that way.

This ^

If you are doing something you enjoy / are interested in, they you are starting off with a natural talking point / bonding point, plus of course, if you aren't actually talking to someone or meeting anyone new for some of the time, you are still having a good time.

I agree with Raaaaaaarr, that you "can't force friendships" and that friendships evolve naturally over time when you choose, or circumstance makes you, spend time with people, and some of those people just 'click' with one another, and some bond over shared experiences (hence many folk being friends with people from University or from school even).

My son is 8 and my other is 5 and I talk to no one at the school gates. I took my eldest out of school at the beginning for a couple of weeks as he was wetting himself every day. By the time he went back the school mum groups had already firmest. Plus I think they knew each other from the nursery the kids went to before school which mine didn't go to. My youngest started 2 years later and I though it was my chance but most people seemed to know someone already. I'm a bit awkward at talking to people as well and don't make friends very easily so I think people were put off by me. They don't bother trying if they already have friends though.