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Original poster

Things you thought were normal/harmless until joining mumsnet

595 replies

Antsinyourpanta · 16/09/2021 09:41

(Lighthearted )
lots of things that I thought were quite normal /fine/harmless before I joined MM seem to be quite abhorrent to a large percentage of posters. I often find myself wondering about whether my perceived normal is actually the minority. Some examples

Home made food or cakes - I bloody love home made cakes and think they are always nicer than shop bought - my first thoughts when offered one is usually yum, a cake! I've never given a moments thought to whether the person owns cats or dogs or has a hygeine certificate.

Ensuite bathrooms - I've got an ensuite bathroom. It's used for any instance where you may need a toilet. Apparently this is very very wrong.

Eating carbs

Bayliss and Harding toiletries - I would not be offended by this as a gift unless it was from my husband

(I'm with you on Thorntons though - they are nasty)

Answering the door to someone - if I see ex criminals selling stuff door to door, I dont answer, otherwise I dont have a problem with answering the door, and i get on with all of my neighbours.

Speaking to and socialising with work colleagues - i speak to, socialise (outside of work) and am friends with most of my work colleagues. I'd count many of them as friends. We buy each other birthday cards and presents and sometimes bring in cakes. (See point 1)

What are the things you've been educated on since joining MN?

OP posts:
TiredButDancing · 16/09/2021 12:20

@Frazzledbutcalm that's sweet of you but I hope not! I hope they just thought, "oh look, a normal woman let us cuddle her baby because we love babies" and never gave it another thought! Grin

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/09/2021 12:23

These things are all harmless and normal.

What's abnormal and potentially harmful is reacting poorly because someone chooses to live their life differently to you.

DillonPanthersTexas · 16/09/2021 12:24

I thought a tradesman doing an all day job at your house should be allowed to use your toilet. Clearly this is wrong and he should hold it in or bring his own portaloo.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Frazzledbutcalm · 16/09/2021 12:24

I hope they thought that too …. I just picture their joy at the cuddle you gave of your lovely squishy baby 😊

Annasgirl · 16/09/2021 12:26

@Geamhradh

Old people smiling at babies Opening my front door if the doorbell goes My child's paternal grandmother Teachers doing their job Leaving my washing on my balcony at night Homework London Going on holiday and actually treating yourself rather than paying thrupence ha'penny for a leaky tent Buying Christmas presents Talking about TV programmes AFTER they've been aired

Now I'm wiser and know I'll be screaming, shaking, ringing the police and acting like Mr Dursley nailing up the house should even one of those things happen across my path.

OMG - sorry I sound so South Dublin, but @Geamhradh, you must be from Ireland - my mum used to say "thrupence ha'penny" about everything!!!!!! I can even guess which part of Ireland your family are from if you use that phrase!
Neolara · 16/09/2021 12:27

Having a shower at night instead of in the morning. Apparently that makes me filthy.

moynomore · 16/09/2021 12:28

@Neolara I thought it was the opposite. How could anyone get into bed with the dirty day all over them. So confused now! Grin

GCAcademic · 16/09/2021 12:29

I thought it was normal to be obliging and say yes to everything before I discovered this place. I don't think I'd ever heard the term "boundaries" other than in relation to fences and fields.

Lily78123 · 16/09/2021 12:35

Washing your child 2-3 times a week.

Taking shoes off in other people’s homes, I really could not have imagined this insults and freaks people out.

Roast chicken feeds us for one meal. I’m really doing something wrong as the norm seems to be it has to last you a week and then you freeze the leftovers Grin

Answering phone to unknown numbers as well as opening doors.

IveShaggedSomeMingers · 16/09/2021 12:38

@slashlover

I'm single and have male friends, apparently that makes me some sort of vixen with a mission to steal boyfriends/husbands.
I think you'll find it's the husbands who do the sniffing
Pippapet · 16/09/2021 12:41

@Brollywasntneededafterall

I saw my dm do it. Makes sense. Throw ddog out for a wee. Hang washing. Go to bed. Get up washing dry, bring in start day.
How is the washing dry though? Even in summer, the grass is wet with moisture by the morning and so is any washing left out Confused
Luckyelephant1 · 16/09/2021 12:51

Putting babies in anything other than a plain white babygrow/sleepsuit for the first 6 months of their life.

Snowisfallinghere · 16/09/2021 12:58

@Lily78123

Washing your child 2-3 times a week.

Taking shoes off in other people’s homes, I really could not have imagined this insults and freaks people out.

Roast chicken feeds us for one meal. I’m really doing something wrong as the norm seems to be it has to last you a week and then you freeze the leftovers Grin

Answering phone to unknown numbers as well as opening doors.

Is 2-3 times a week too little or too much washing for a child, according to MN? Grin I bathe mine... whenever they seem like they might be whiffy or when it feels like it's been a while Blush. In the summer that might be daily, in the winter that might only be once week...
Liltzero · 16/09/2021 13:01

Amongst my friendship group it is entirely normal to invite a few people out for your birthday and for the guests to pay for their meal and drinks. They are happy to help you celebrate and don't expect a free meal.
In MN land nobody should be expected pay a penny in response to any invite and if you can't afford to host a few friends then you "should cut your cloth accordingly."

EssentiallyDisorganised · 16/09/2021 13:04

Not knowing the threadcount of your bedlinen. I buy mine in supermarkets, Ikea etc. Nice pattern - check, cotton - check, right size - check. I haven't got the faintest idea what threadcount any of it is.

Lily78123 · 16/09/2021 13:08

@Snowisfallinghere
Is 2-3 times a week too little or too much washing for a child, according to MN?

According to MN you are beyond filthy if they are not washed daily.

BearSoFair · 16/09/2021 13:09

@LouLou789

I’m a MiL and have a lovely relationship with my DiL 😮😮😮😮
This too! I'm the DIL but I love MIL, absolutely consider her part of my family (not just DH's) and regularly arrange to meet her without DH for coffee and a chat. Never seemed unusual at all until MN.
Abhannmor · 16/09/2021 13:13

@DillonPanthersTexas

I thought a tradesman doing an all day job at your house should be allowed to use your toilet. Clearly this is wrong and he should hold it in or bring his own portaloo.
You made me laugh! A common complaint from Irish tradesmen is ' She never asked if I had a mouth on me'. If a job is taking all day a bit of grub is obligatory. Now having said that , he may decline the offer but it is nice to get the option.
pussycatlickinglollyices · 16/09/2021 13:13

I moved in with my Fiance (now DH) 18 years ago, and didn't offer to pay rent or any of the bills.
I have 4 loo brushes (1 for each loo).
My cats "sleep" in the kitchen overnight and can be seen licking toast crumbs off breakfast plates most mornings they mostly sleep on our bed during the day
I put my Christmas Tree up in November and the fairy lights are still around the conservatory from last year

Shoot me!

Geamhradh · 16/09/2021 13:17

Offering your child one of the chocolates you've received as a gift.
They're YOURS and the little madam should keep her beadies off them.
One of the saddest threads I ever read (again, DD was about 5 so yes, I was projecting) was a MNer who had bought herself a box of chocolates. Her daughter asked if she could have one, and was told no. They were her mum's. The child STOLE one and all hell broke loose.
I just felt so sorry for the little girl. They were her mum's chocolates, sure, but how much of a cow do you have to be to say no.

The noisy neighbour thing also seems polarised. If the neighbours have children, then 18 of them on the fucking trampoline at 5am is fine, and the OP should just move into Blenheim. BUT, if it's Albert next door (probably the same Albert who dares to say "hello" when he sees you, the filthy perv) mowing his lawn at 10.30 on a Sunday morning, then it's time he went into a home as it's disgusting that at his age he has the temerity to live in his own house.

Likewise, my Mum who was scammed out of two years rent by her lowlife tenants should obviously not only have sucked it up but invited them for Christmas dinner as well. Fuck that.

4 year olds should be going to school on their own, but 20 year olds need their mammy to go and speak to the boss of the shop they have a PT job at if he says "can you get here on time do you think?"

Don't you sometimes wonder how exhausting it must be inside these people's heads. Do they just go through life with a bucket list of what to be offended by?

earthyfire · 16/09/2021 13:22

Giving your teen a lift anywhere!
An en-suite - I have two, I like them.
White front door - I have one I am ok with it
Can't question a teacher otherwise "you're that parent" - not bothered in the slightest.

Snowonthemountain · 16/09/2021 13:24

Most of this is socioeconomic based though, isn't it?

Claraboochuffing · 16/09/2021 13:25

Breast vs formula feeding ...never knew it was a debate.

Zebracat · 16/09/2021 13:26

Being willing to do a family member, friend or neighbour a favour, and asking same for favours in return. I had no idea that this made all of us cheeky fuckers.Sometimes shouting at my children. Letting said children do their own homework. Being late for work on several occasions. Being antisocial enough to have lots of offspring and animals. And owning 3 toiletbrushes,( stealth boast!)and failing to teach the household that toilet lids must be kept down. Oh and not insisting that men pee sitting down. Looks soo bad written down.

LittleMysSister · 16/09/2021 13:26

Omg loads of stuff!!

But the main thing that I'd say is often seen as unacceptable/unnecessary on here would be being considerate of anyone that isn't just you and your children. Not even extending to your partner in many cases.

I see so many comments on here where there's a very 'pull the ladder up Jack' attitude, which I would say isn't generally reflected in real life. Particularly towards in-laws and neighbours.