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Original poster

Positive input on latchkey kids please!!

87 replies

solittletime · 16/09/2021 07:05

Please don’t tell me all the bad things. I have read them in enough detail to be coming her to ask for some positive reinforcement.
Having been always at home for my kids due to part time work, I’ve now gone full time and they have to let themselves in after school.
They are on their own until 5:30 (get gone at 4)

It didn’t seem like it would be a big deal but actually I am feeling so guilty!!
They are 14 and 11.

Live in a block with nice neighbours who are around if help is needed.

Any positive stories or useful ground rules to establish would be welcome!

Stories of mental health strain and stranger danger definitely not.

It has to continue happening for at least this academic year, then will re evaluate next year.

OP posts:
EspressoDoubleShot · 16/09/2021 08:47

It’s ok. 11 and 14 they can get a snack,go on their tablets or phone
They’ll like the downtime after school
Get a webcam so you can check in on them

N4ish · 16/09/2021 08:53

I loved being a latchkey kid! Really appreciated that bit of time after school to potter around, make a sandwich and decompress before the rest of the family came home.

Felt very sorry for a friend of mine who had a stay at home mum - the minute my friend walked through the door her mum was all over her asking questions, offering food and generally being a helicopter parent. Not my cup of tea at all.

Original poster
solittletime · 16/09/2021 08:55

I think you’re right about internalising the outdated term. I live in an area where many families are much wealthier and have stay at home mums who might raise an eyebrow.

I apologise for using the term wrong, I just heard it once and thought it referred to any child who has to let themselves in. No intention of undermining a bigger problem there.

Maybe I was being dramatic, but I was lucky enough to work part time for most of their education so obviously it’s a big change for me, and only two weeks in I was getting phone calls from distraught kids in tears!

No matter how matter of fact and practical you want to be, it’s not nice to think ‘I wish I was there to give them a hug’ and feel a bit guilty, then ask for some positive comments to make me feel better!!
So thank you for pointing out how normal and a non issue this is, it has very much helped validate my choice and yes, I do believe a bit of freedom from parents and independence is healthy, especially after a long time of everyone being stuck at home together!!

OP posts:
41sunnydays · 16/09/2021 08:55

I loved the independence of being home alone, and in school holidays would often be home all day.

Now days with technology it's so much easier. We went shopping the other day abs left 14 yr old looking after 8 yr old sibling. Well not so much looking after as 8 yr old playing on his switch and not moving Smile

Husband and I both had to go as we had to choose a paint, and it took longer than expected to mix it etc, but I could call them both on the Alexa and see them which was nice so less of a worry.

mdh2020 · 16/09/2021 08:58

Back in the 80s my children were latch key kids at Primary School. I know that now the school wouldn’t let them leave without an adult collecting them but in those days it was accepted. They walked home together about 1/4 of a mile. We had one golden rule, in that they were not allowed to accept lifts, even from our neighbour, no matter the weather. I had just started teaching and I trained them to have a gin and tonic ready as I walked through the door. No one came to any harm and they learnt to be self reliant and look after each other. They liked being in the house on their own as they could watch Neighbours. Your children will come to no harm.

EspressoDoubleShot · 16/09/2021 08:59

My siblings and I were so called latchkey kids, parents work FT we came home and started preparing the tea. Popped casserole in an oven etc. Or pressure cooker was on

I liked it, the independence the down time. Watching tv.
My housekey was literally around my neck on a ribbon

Finally latchkey kid is dreadful pejorative term. It’s old fashioned and outmoded. When I was at school most of my friends had FT working parents and we all had a period at home prior to parents returning

Greenmarmalade · 16/09/2021 09:03

I leave my 5 and 2 year old with my 14 year olds when I pop to the shop or walk the dog. I think 12 and 14 is a suitable age to be home alone for a short while. It’s good for them to start having this responsibility and space- it’s just about getting used to it.

I’m sure they’ll learn to love it!

Greenmarmalade · 16/09/2021 09:05

But just to add- your feelings are perfectly understandable!

TooMuchPaper · 16/09/2021 09:05

Get a webcam so you can check in on them

Do not do this.

KimWexlersPonyTail · 16/09/2021 09:08

Let myself in from age about 10. Sister one year older. My job was to light the coal fire with a gas flame thingy and prep the veg for tea. With strict instructions not to touch chip pan! I think it helped make me independant and capable. Mum didn't drive so she got home around 6.30pm

EspressoDoubleShot · 16/09/2021 09:09

Why? I have webcam in various locations for security and we all know it’s there
I’m not advocating you gawp 24/7 but I don’t think it’s overly intrusive
If the mum has peace of mind being able to quickly look I can’t see the problem

TooMuchPaper · 16/09/2021 09:11

What if they are in a different room? Surely a phone call will suffice?

EspressoDoubleShot · 16/09/2021 09:13

It’s easier and more disreet in work to access a webcam app than to make a how’s it going call

WouldBeGood · 16/09/2021 09:18

No need to worry, I think this is perfectly normal. DS is sensible and does this regularly, and for longer, as there’s no alternative: in fact he was horrified a couple of years ago when I suggested a babysitter after school 🤣

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 16/09/2021 09:21

I was a latchkey child from age 7. Not every day or every week but when parents shift patterns didn’t work and it was for up to an hour.

I loved it!

I’d put music in and dance most of the time without worrying about anyone walking in in me.

I had neighbours I knew I could call in if I needed anything, but I never did. I knew if I did anything wrong like turn in the stove I wouldn’t be allowed to do it any more so I was really careful.

afaloren · 16/09/2021 09:22

I used to absolutely love that slice of time with the house to myself. They’ll be fine OP Flowers

Catnuzzle · 16/09/2021 09:25

I was a latchkey kid from 5, my brother was 7. We lived right next to the small village primary school and DM was a single parent. It never occurred to me this wasn't normal or right until I had my own kids!

FawnFrenchieMum · 16/09/2021 09:27

I think this is totally normal for a lot of kids. My DS was always happy with it. He could get home, out of his uniform, have a snack and turn on the TV / Xbox and relax before everyone else got him and start tea etc.

My daughter will join him next year when she starts High School. Although as a one off, he’s picking her up from school today and bringing her home on the bus. The biggest concern here will be who gets first access to the snacks!

GameSetMatch · 16/09/2021 09:35

My parents both worked and from about age 9 I would walk home about 2.5miles let myself in and make myself my evening meal. I felt lonely but I had a cat for company and now i see the benefits, I can cook a decent meal and my husband (age38) needed help with an omelette the other day, he can’t cook at all.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 16/09/2021 09:38

This is really interesting for me. I'm currently looking for a job and it's likely 2 days a week I will be out of the house till 5 30. DS is 9 (10 in December). He currently gets himself to and from school on his own as we're a 10min walk away.

He crosses 2 quiet rds by himself. What's the collective thoughts about him letting himself in alone aged 9 (likely nearer 10 in actuality)?

He's sensible but I would put it past him to sit in his pants with crisps from 3.30 until 5.30!!

Peanutsandchilli · 16/09/2021 09:38

They'll be fine for a couple of hours. Don't worry. I'd leave my 13 and just turned 11 year olds together after school, no problem. Plenty of children at high school do exactly the same so don't feel guilty!

PermanentTemporary · 16/09/2021 09:39

I was a latchkey kid from 11 and it was absolutely brilliant, I loved it. I can't say I developed huge responsibility or anything but I really enjoyed it and went on to do well academically. I never really saw friends outside school at that time and I think my mum worried about that, but hell we lived in the middle of nowhere! As soon as we moved to a town I was happily independent. Great memories of the peace and space to decompress and read and watch TV.

NewYearNewTwatName · 16/09/2021 09:40

@mdh2020

Back in the 80s my children were latch key kids at Primary School. I know that now the school wouldn’t let them leave without an adult collecting them but in those days it was accepted. They walked home together about 1/4 of a mile. We had one golden rule, in that they were not allowed to accept lifts, even from our neighbour, no matter the weather. I had just started teaching and I trained them to have a gin and tonic ready as I walked through the door. No one came to any harm and they learnt to be self reliant and look after each other. They liked being in the house on their own as they could watch Neighbours. Your children will come to no harm.
aww that's really nice no one came to any harm.

I mean no one came to any harm, when I at 5 got a fascination with a melted candle on the hearth, and how it was interesting that burnt out matches could burn again if piled into melted candle wax on a saucer. it was great for a couple off days I could even walk about the house with plate flaming in my hand. But one day I'd added too many marches and it was too hot to pick up and the flames were huge! I panicked and chucked a load of water over it, and it went out. Happy days no one came to any harm Smile

or there was that other time I locked my sibling out and taunted them from inside, until the punch the glass pain in the door. but they only had a small cut on there hand, and it was only a small panel so easy to replace. again happy days.

or the fact sibling and me actually really hated each other and would argue, shout and push punch each other almost constantly. oh how I look back on those happy days with joy.

No harm done though, and my god I was fiercely independent, resilient and self reliant, waaaaaaay beyond my peers. what a great job my parents did, well done them 👏

HelstonaireMonty · 16/09/2021 09:42

Completely normal for secondary school children to be home alone after school. There is no childcare that covers this, childminders only usually cover primary aged children.

I suppose an au-pair or sixth former could be paid to be there however coming home at 5.30 rather than say 8pm is a massive difference in the time they are left alone.

moynomore · 16/09/2021 09:43

Do people realise we are talking about two secondary age kids here?! Webcams?!