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Original poster

How far from school do you go on a day? (Possibly Irrational question...)

62 replies

PalmarisLongus · 15/09/2021 15:17

Long story short. I went for a walk today after morning drop off and got about 2 hours from school.
I got a bit concerned that if my daughter needed me, I'd be 2 hours from her, she's 8.

Is this a weird and an irrational worry? Do schools have things in place just in case? Or do other parents stay close to schools just in case?

In the past, I've thought about getting a bus to the nearest big city, but then I might end up 3 hours away and I haven't done it just in case.

For what it's worth, I dont have anyone to pick her up and I don't drive so bus and feet are my only transport.

OP posts:

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/09/2021 15:20

In a couple of weeks I'll need to go 100 miles away. But I'll leave at 9, two hours each way so a couple of hours spare. Usually no more than anhour away.
DH is four hours away.

Maflingo · 15/09/2021 15:21

I think given what you have said about transport limitations and not having anyone else to collect, I understand why you felt a bit nervous being further away.

Most of the calls I’ve had from the school have been about minor things that didn’t require attendance, or couldn’t be resolved another way.

If you were at work, many companies require phones to be in lockers so it could easily be several hours between checking for calls?

Do you not have anyone that is listed as emergency contact in the event of illness, etc?

NotSure94 · 15/09/2021 15:21

I've had to go to London from the Midlands for work since they were at nursery, when I was married we'd try to keep it so one of us was closer but practically it would have been quite frequently that we were both 2 or 3 hours away. Few people can work close to the school. Do you have a designated next contact registered with the school? That's usual, but I am sure in an emergency the school will assist as best they can.

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horseymum · 15/09/2021 15:23

Surely you need an emergency contact? They would keep a hold of your child if necessary but maybe there is someone who could do this for you.

TeenMinusTests · 15/09/2021 15:25

I think you need another emergency contact, even if it is 'just' another SAHP.

ErrolTheDragon · 15/09/2021 15:25

When DD was small, another mum and I had a mutual arrangement to be each other's backup if one of us got stuck away from the school (at the time our DHs also travelled quite frequently.) we never had to call on each other but it was a sensible precaution.

Original poster

PalmarisLongus · 15/09/2021 15:27

I moved where I live after a relationship breakdown, had little choice and I know no one. The ex did live 20 minutes from school but they loved 200 miles away.

OP posts:

Original poster

PalmarisLongus · 15/09/2021 15:28

*moved 200 miles away.

So it's just me now.

OP posts:

NoYOUbekind · 15/09/2021 15:30

I've got on a plane to go to one place while DH was on a plane to come home before, and vice versa! (though we did have a friend who was aware and also able to pick DS up at hometime in case there had been any sort of horrible delay). It's never really occurred to me to stay close to school.

Get another SAHP to be an emergency contact if need be.

RubyFakeLips · 15/09/2021 15:49

Foreign Country, often had to go over to France/Netherlands for work, occasionally been to Spain or Italy too. All there and back in the same day. Just have a friend/family member as an emergency contact.

I’ve five children so if I’d had to stay close to school all that time, I would never get anywhere!

CMOTDibbler · 15/09/2021 15:59

200 miles. We've never had a backup emergency contact, never had anyone to ask

Original poster

PalmarisLongus · 15/09/2021 16:14

@CMOTDibbler

200 miles. We've never had a backup emergency contact, never had anyone to ask

That's a lot further away than I've ever gone. On public transport, that'd take all day tho.

It seems I should maybe relax a little or try and find someone nearby I can trust... That may be difficult.

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Phillipa12 · 15/09/2021 16:16

I've always been within 30 mins of school, am very lucky with my job. A few weeks ago I had a day off and arranged a trip to IKEA with sister and sister in law, it's 1.30hrs away. Low and behold school called halfway round ikea as dc2 was ill, dc1 was off secondary that day and was sent to collect him as both my emergency contacts were with me in ikea. I now have spare back ups just incase as exdh lives 200 miles away. You really do need a contact close incase of an emergency, I've worked as a ta in a school and have had to accompany a child to hospital and wait till their parent arrived....over 2 hrs later.

TeenMinusTests · 15/09/2021 16:18

or try and find someone nearby I can trust... That may be difficult.

Do you not know any of the parents at the school? Are none of them SAHP?

We adopted, and one thing we were assessed on was our ability/willingness to build a support network and ask for help if needed.

Finding another parent to be a mutual emergency contact for might help them as well as you.

Original poster

PalmarisLongus · 15/09/2021 16:24

you not know any of the parents at the school? Are none of them SAHP?

I am from Midlands, near to Birmingham. When relationship broke down the only housing I could get was near Hull or stay in emergency accommodation.
I don't make friends easily, especially in this small town, everyone at the gates knows everyone else. Daughter went to a party just before Covid, I talked to the people there and they'd known each other since they were kids and always lived in the same town.

Hard to explain, but it doesnt really make me feel 'welcome' if that makes sense.
But I'll have to try.

OP posts:

Chocfondant · 15/09/2021 16:30

I work in a school and if you were a couple of hours away and no one could collect we would, of course, keep your child and look after them until you arrived. If they were under the weather and would rather be in bed it's a bit of a shame but nothing really bad will happen.

I've accompanied a child to a&e and waited with them until mum could get back on the train from work. That was about 2 hours like a pp has said. It was fine. He might have preferred mum but he was ok with me, we played some games and watched the TV.

If this is worrying you though, I agree with others that building some friendships with other local parents might be good

TeenMinusTests · 15/09/2021 16:31

Oh, that sounds hard for you. I know what it's like joining a school where all the parents know each other. That's what happened to me when my DC were first placed with us. I never did click 'in' with parents in DD1's year. however I got involved with the PTA which helped me get to know others.

Well done for talking at the party. Was there anyone there who seemed a bit friendlier than the others? I think as the 'newbie' you have to keep persevering if you can.

idontlikealdi · 15/09/2021 16:32

My normal office is 1.5 hours away if trains are in time. Dh is a teacher so he can't leave. We have emergency contacts, luckily never needed to use them.

Original poster

PalmarisLongus · 15/09/2021 16:34

Well done for talking at the party. Was there anyone there who seemed a bit friendlier than the others? I think as the 'newbie' you have to keep persevering if you can.

Yes there was actually. I got chatting to her and she was telling me all about how she'd moved to the area and stuff. We got on really well for the 2 hours. But during that conversation, she also excitedly told me how she was moving to Bournemouth in a fortnight... Typifies my luck really. Lol

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TeenMinusTests · 15/09/2021 16:37

Oh no

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 15/09/2021 16:37

I can't say I've ever thought about it. In four years I've yet to have a call saying my presence is required at school. As long as somebody will be there for pickup, I go wherever I want/need to go in the meantime.

ChoccyJules · 15/09/2021 16:42

I used to be about two hours away for work but our school demands two emergency contacts over and above the parents. So a lot of us use a couple of other parents. Every so often I check they are still OK with the arrangement. If they happened to be hours away as well I guess a member of staff would stand in.

I can see it’s hard when you haven‘t made many strong connections yet. Maybe you could put it to one of the other parents and suggest you be their contact and they be yours? It doesn’t mean you have to stay within a short distance of school, just that school will have more options of who to ring.

Etinox · 15/09/2021 16:43

@TeenMinusTests

or try and find someone nearby I can trust... That may be difficult.

Do you not know any of the parents at the school? Are none of them SAHP?

We adopted, and one thing we were assessed on was our ability/willingness to build a support network and ask for help if needed.

Finding another parent to be a mutual emergency contact for might help them as well as you.

That’s so interesting that it’s a criterion for assessing suitability as adoptive parents. IMO having a support network is vital. Not just when it’s needed but to model to your dc that they’re part of a community. I’always had schoolmate as emergency contacts for school and would often collect or wait in the playground for delayed friends. For your dc it’s very important that they see good boundaried and ‘helping’ behaviour.

PeterPomegranate · 15/09/2021 16:46

Son went to school in an ambulance and we were both working an hour away (separate locations). A TA went with him. It was horrible but what can you do. They couldn’t have waited for us even if we’d been closer unless literally 5 mins away.

He’s fine now!

PeterPomegranate · 15/09/2021 16:47

Went to hospital in an ambulance obviously. Not school …

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