How far from school do you go on a day? (Possibly Irrational question...)

[PalmarisLongus]

Long story short. I went for a walk today after morning drop off and got about 2 hours from school.
I got a bit concerned that if my daughter needed me, I'd be 2 hours from her, she's 8.

Is this a weird and an irrational worry? Do schools have things in place just in case? Or do other parents stay close to schools just in case?

In the past, I've thought about getting a bus to the nearest big city, but then I might end up 3 hours away and I haven't done it just in case.

For what it's worth, I dont have anyone to pick her up and I don't drive so bus and feet are my only transport.

Crap though it sounds, you 'just' need to give an emergency contact. If the DC are ill or injured (or test positive on lateral flow), it's important that somebody can get there ASAP because, ambulance emergencies aside, it's crap for kids to be stuck in medical for hours because there isn't anybody around to come and take care of them when they aren't well enough to be in school.

(Slight whinge) it's remarkable how many parents just couldn't come because they were simply too far away Christmas shopping in December 2019. And Dads in particular never have transport despite kids saying 'Dad takes the car and Mum catches the bus into work' when they're called. Grandmas also tend to answer the phone wherever they are in the country when Dads are 'working from home' and the school has to call, even when the Dad's phone has rung out and he's only 20 minutes away. caller ID has its downside

Schools need somebody. It doesn't have to be you, you aren't tied to an invisible rope 1 mile from the school, it only has to be an adult you trust and authorise if you can't get there. But when you've got a kid the colour of doom, they've puked up five times, has a banging head and you have to tell them Mum/Dad can't come right now, you can see their faces change.

I’ve naturally always stayed in close range purely because I always have at the back of my mind that I have to do pick up at 3pm. I would find it too risky travelling further afield just in case something stopped me getting back on time so no I don’t think it’s an irrational worry especially when you have nobody else who could get to the school for her.

Well that’s all very well @NeverDropYourMoonCup but most people who work in central London don’t live in central London. I know you were too excluding ambulance emergencies but it does feel harsh.

On the occasion mentioned above my parents were at London Colney shopping and couldn’t get there either. The school also had the child minder’s number but I can understand why they didn’t call yet. I feel bad about it but my husband and I have jobs. It’s life.

I would go to the nearest town, 8 mins on the bus or 1 hour if you just missed one. If it was ambulance emergency, I'd go straight to the hospital! If it was non hospital then I'd probably get a taxi. DH thinks it's crazy, but I only go running (1.5hrs) or walking (2.5hrs) if he's working from home. But that's more because I'm worried I'd do something daft and not be able to get home in time for the DC rather than not being able to get there if school call.
In fact, the only time my Dc has been injured and needed stitches so far, they didn't call me and handed DC over to me an hour and a half later at home time white, shaking and in shock and still bleeding

Not at the moment but when DS1 was at nursery there was a day per week when I'd be 2h away (uni) and DH 1.5h away (work).

DM is local and our emergency contact though.

I can easily be an hour of so away, and there are times when I’m working that I can’t simply drop everything and get to the school, there are also times when I’m not near my phone for a couple of hours. My DH similarly has times when he can’t just get up and leave his work. The school just need to hold the D.C. until we can get there - which will be as quickly as possible obviously but practically might mean they need to wait at school.

In saying that, I can only think of one time when neither of us could get there within the hour. If my child is so poorly they need collected from school, or something is so urgent they need me there I’d not be comfortable asking another parent to deal with it.

@PeterPomegranate

Well that’s all very well *@NeverDropYourMoonCup* but most people who work in central London don’t live in central London. I know you were too excluding ambulance emergencies but it does feel harsh.

On the occasion mentioned above my parents were at London Colney shopping and couldn’t get there either. The school also had the child minder’s number but I can understand why they didn’t call yet. I feel bad about it but my husband and I have jobs. It’s life.

Doesn't take that long to get back from central London here, 35 minutes to a couple of hours at most depending upon what side of the river and whether they opt for bus rather than train. It's the whole reason behind commuter towns.

I agree I can sound unsympathetic, but the kids didn't think that, they just saw the person looking after them for ten hours (until the building closed for the night and three hours after everybody else has gone home and I'd stopped being paid) because they needed to go home at 8am and nobody's come. It was that or call social services, which seems to really annoy parents.

I don't miss that job as much as I thought I would, tbh. Too many kids who were really ill but we knew there was no point calling as we'd be shouted at and they still wouldn't come. So you called, you got ignored, hung up on and/or shouted at. And still ended up being used as an unpaid childminder/nurse. I really felt for those kids.

I certainly didn’t shout at the school when they called me. Husband and I left work straight away and went straight to the hospital. When I’ve been called when children have been ill I’ve got there as soon as I can.

Maybe those parents you’re talking about would have lost their jobs if they had left in the middle of a shift. Maybe not everyone has the choices you do (or indeed I do).

I’m not condoning leaving a sick child and I have never done that. But I hope to god my son’s school didn’t judge us like you have judged those parents. At what was a time of enormous stress and worry as our son was badly injured (as I say, thank goodness he’s fine now). But I don’t think they did as they all seem like nice professional people.

I’m a SAHP - I wouldn’t be more than twenty minutes away from school, though my husband often works from home so if he’s home I’ll go further. My parents are fairly local and in serious emergency could attend school too. And I have a few parent friends who’d pick up for me if I got unexpectedly delayed - I wouldn’t burden them with a sick child though.

My reluctance is not because of an unlikely dramatic emergency though (if he needed an ambulance I trust school to deal with it) but because DC has special needs and I get a lot of calls about toilet accidents, meltdowns and minor dramas that while school could probably sort out, for DCs sake I’d rather come in myself. It’s one of the reasons I’m a SAHP. I don’t really need to go far from home though, we’re urban and everywhere I go is pretty local anyway.

I can understand some people can’t get away from work or are reliant on trains to commute or whatever, but personally if I was literally the only contact school had I wouldn’t be two hours away just on a walk for leisure purposes.

I think nowadays people tend to overthink this issue rather - because we tend to have such instant connectivity due to phones and most people have cars.
When I was about 6 forty ish years ago - the nit lady (remember them lol) arrived at about 9 30am. By 10am I had been identified as a pupil with hair full of nits along with a few others. The parents of the others arrived to collect them. Mine had gone to visit a friend, name unknown to me. I spent all day sitting outside the nurses office with a book.

I survived! Obviously not an emergency.............but in the unlikely event it was, the school would totally have cared for me just as well as my parents would have done.
Yes obviously its important to have consideration for what to do in the event of an emergency with a child whilst they are at school - but sitting at home waiting for the call "just in case" isnt healthy imho.

I think it's OK. In a true emergency someone from school could accompany your DD to hospital, otherwise she could wait. There must be a lot of commuter belt towns where it's pretty common for both parents to be working a long distance from home. At least on your walk you'd be contactable and able to start making your way to school immediately. If you make friends with another parent you could make them an emergency contact, but I think for now it's OK.

I never go more than an hour away but it's for a specific reason. DS1 uses an insulin pump which if it fails means I need to give insulin via injection within an hour or risk seriously high blood sugar levels. I do think it's natural however to feel anxious about being far away from your children during the school day.

Quite a long way with work..but I cancel if kids slightly unwell or anything. No disaster so far.

You do need to find an emergency contact who is nearby, even if it's just another parent in the class.

It's not just if your child has an accident. There might also be a sudden emergency closure of the school for example. It puts the school in an impossible situation if some children are not picked up.

I can't go more than 15 mins from school when DS is there as the school call me to pick him up due to violent meltdowns at least once a week. His school is a 40 minute drive away, so I spend the hours he's there sitting in the car park waiting for him. "Luckily" he only goes for 1.5 hours three days a week!

I agree I can sound unsympathetic, but the kids didn't think that, they just saw the person looking after them for ten hours (until the building closed for the night and three hours after everybody else has gone home and I'd stopped being paid)

In fairness if someone failed to collect their child at home time, and left them there until 6.00pm without having made any aftercare arrangements they’re being negligent, that’s quite different from being unable to immediately get to school within school hours to attend to a poorly child.

Not read whole thread and I sympathise with your position but there are some parents who work outside the home and travel overseas for work frequently (pre COVID) and have no choice but to have suitable back up and build a support network.

Very occasionally we have to both go to other cities for work the same day. I could be a three hour train journey away and dh one hour by train or the other way round (station is about 15min taxi from school).
We try to avoid it but more out of concern about being delayed for pick up rather than emergencies.
MIL lives 30min walk from school but is unlikely to be sitting around the house waiting for a call.

It puts the school in an impossible situation if some children are not picked up.

I can count on one hand the number of times the school has closed as an “emergency” measure, and on each occasion it was reasonably predictable they would need to. I’ve not known a school need to close immediately due to some unanticipated crisis and wouldn’t be planning my working life around the very slim possibility it might happen. If it’s a crisis to where school needs to close immediately, it would be enough of a crisis for me or DH to need to attend immediately (eg fire or some such at the school).

I travel 70 miles into central London occasionally. I've been doing it since DS was 2. It has been an issue once in 11 years - train stuck in a siding etc. On that occasion my childminder kept ds until 11pm when I finally made it back.

If it happened now, DS would go to the boarding house at school and wait for me there or stay overnight.

As a single mum, I always have multiple layers of backup, so I don't worry too much. I provide backup for two of ds's friends. They can always have tea and stay the night if an emergency. I don't mind.

I never went far either. It was just me too.

@Notebooksarefabulous

I think nowadays people tend to overthink this issue rather - because we tend to have such instant connectivity due to phones and most people have cars. When I was about 6 forty ish years ago - the nit lady (remember them lol) arrived at about 9 30am. By 10am I had been identified as a pupil with hair full of nits along with a few others. The parents of the others arrived to collect them. Mine had gone to visit a friend, name unknown to me. I spent all day sitting outside the nurses office with a book. I survived! Obviously not an emergency.............but in the unlikely event it was, the school would totally have cared for me just as well as my parents would have done. Yes obviously its important to have consideration for what to do in the event of an emergency with a child whilst they are at school - but sitting at home waiting for the call "just in case" isnt healthy imho.

Oh my word @Notebooksarefabulous that's just reminded me of the time we came into school and the boiler broke down! No-one could raise my DM (I actually think she might not have had a phone) and I had to sit there in the cold with a secretary who was no doubt cursing my existence until my grandparents turned up!

We are in the London commuter belt where it is normal to be 1-2 hours from home depending on train times.

@Jellycatspyjamas

I agree I can sound unsympathetic, but the kids didn't think that, they just saw the person looking after them for ten hours (until the building closed for the night and three hours after everybody else has gone home and I'd stopped being paid)

In fairness if someone failed to collect their child at home time, and left them there until 6.00pm without having made any aftercare arrangements they’re being negligent, that’s quite different from being unable to immediately get to school within school hours to attend to a poorly child.

Two hours was seen as normal. 40 minutes was the most common.

The trouble is that people can forget it's not one child and one parent during the day; it's multiple children, differing reasons - a day could see any and all of the following;

Asthma not easing with inhaler use
Itchy rash that looks awfully like chickenpox
Vomiting/alleged vomiting
Tummy aches
Period pains
Tripped over in PE
Ran into somebody else and big lump on head/didn't listen when they were told to put the helmet on before picking up the lacrosse sticks
Tripped over in 2nd lesson PE
Struggling with mental health/have self harmed and chosen it as the safe place to disclose
Nosebleeds that won't stop or have soaked them to the skin
Haven't done homework
Have a Maths test next lesson
Blood glucose monitor has gone off and their levels aren't stabilising
Blood glucose monitor has failed so alarm is going off
Blisters on heels. Sometimes really nasty ones.
Heard somebody else saying they felt sick, so now feels sick/is emetophobic and wants to go home rather than risk getting sick, being extremely distressed and inconsolable
Random allergic reaction and in a lot of discomfort
Threw up on the way in but sent in anyhow and has thrown up again
Has fainted
Has turned to the left but left their kneecap pointing to the right
Slipped in the playground and has multiple deep grazes/the inevitable consequences of buying slip on shoes for girls
Child with coeliac disease shared somebody else's snack because it was made with oats, not gluten free oats
Migraine
Temperature
Coughing
Diarrhoea
Has already called a parent to come and get them and knows they're on the way but isn't actually ill, they either just want to go home or they've just told a teacher he's a fat cunt
Regular Medication to be given at set times
Flu outbreak
Covid outbreak
Norovirus outbreak

During the pre Covid flu/norovirus/tonsillitis season of 2019, there were ridiculous numbers that needed to be collected each day for a month. Where do you put 22 kids with vomiting, fevers, headaches, coughs, sore throats even after you've sent the minor injuries with an ice pack and the bit of a tummy aches back to class? You need them out and home. And for that, you need emergency contacts as well as the standard parental ones so that you're only left with the minimum number - the ones where they genuinely are trying to get back as quickly as possible, where you're waiting for them to pick up their phone after being in theatre or court all morning/to have a PPA, where their emergency contact is coming from ten miles away by three buses.

To a parent, it's just one child. But to the staff in a school, it's not just one, it's any number - which is why it's important to at least have a plan and emergency contacts/backup.

You described children being left for 3 hours after school finished on what sounded like a regular basis. That is negligent, and as a social worker we would get a call from the school if a child wasn’t collected - I’d routinely wait at the social work office with a child who wasn’t collected at the end of the school day.

What you’ve then described are all the reasons why a child might need collected during the school day, which is a very different thing. It could easily take me 40 minutes to get to school if I was at work, i don’t have the gift of teleportation so can’t do it any quicker. I don’t have family close by, and there aren’t many of the situations you’ve noted that I’d expect another parent to deal with for my child, so my child will need to wait for me or DH to get there.

In 4 years of parenting two school aged children I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been called to come and get them and they’ve had to wait more than 20 minutes. In those situations they really do need to wait, no matter how inconvenient it may be to the school, because I can’t do it any quicker.