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Original poster

Do you allow mixed gender sleepovers?

63 replies

habibibibi · 15/09/2021 03:05

My 14 yo dd wants a mixed sleepover. I'm on the fence. She assures me that there is nothing romantic between the boys and girls in the group, they are just friends.

I'm really undecided here. On the one hand, my parents allowed it back in the day. We would sleep in the living room and there really was no hanky panky going on. I like that DD has platonic friendships with boys, she enjoys their friendship a lot (less drama, more just being silly). On the other hand, am I inviting trouble by allowing this?

Kind of leaning to yes but that they don't all sleep in the same room (boys in living room, or our office/spare room and girls in bedroom) and that I check with the boys' parents first. Just wondering what others would do or think?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/09/2021 03:37

She assures me that there is nothing romantic between the boys and girls in the group, they are just friends.

Come on now, what do you think she's going to tell you? Of course she will say that.

My children are in their 20's now, but I did not allow mixed sleepovers at that age. Totally unnecessary and I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for any shenanigans. I would tell her no.

vickyc90 · 15/09/2021 03:41

I would allow it but insist on a bed time with boys and girls in separate rooms. We work night shifts so one of us could stay up all night to make sure it stayed that way

Original poster
habibibibi · 15/09/2021 03:43

@Aquamarine1029

She assures me that there is nothing romantic between the boys and girls in the group, they are just friends.

Come on now, what do you think she's going to tell you? Of course she will say that.

My children are in their 20's now, but I did not allow mixed sleepovers at that age. Totally unnecessary and I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for any shenanigans. I would tell her no.

I tend to believe her,I know she likes another boy who is not in that group.

I remember my parents did allow mixed sleepovers and nothing happened. THere was just a whole bunch of us in sleeping bags in the living room.

But now as a parent I'm thinkng there is a lot of potential for things to go wrong...

OP posts:

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14 year olds Families
Blueskythinking123 · 15/09/2021 03:48

My DD went to numerous parties in school years 10 & 11, they generally stayed over and slept in the lounge.

She did go to a school where the DC travelled long distances to attend. So any party drop offs were often at least an hour round trip (longer on public transport).

I am not aware of any inappropriate behaviour at the sleepovers. Having said that I never hosted a mixed sleepover here for that age group.

This summer uni DC had some friends come and stay. They were a mixed group and all slept in the lounge. I did look in on them in the morning and they were all in there own sleeping bags.

If young people are going to sleep together, they will do so regardless of a mixed sleepover.

Blueskythinking123 · 15/09/2021 03:53

My DD did go to a performing arts school for years 10 & 11. Her local friends from her old school were not having mixed sleepovers.

Original poster
habibibibi · 15/09/2021 03:54

@Blueskythinking123

My DD went to numerous parties in school years 10 & 11, they generally stayed over and slept in the lounge.

She did go to a school where the DC travelled long distances to attend. So any party drop offs were often at least an hour round trip (longer on public transport).

I am not aware of any inappropriate behaviour at the sleepovers. Having said that I never hosted a mixed sleepover here for that age group.

This summer uni DC had some friends come and stay. They were a mixed group and all slept in the lounge. I did look in on them in the morning and they were all in there own sleeping bags.

If young people are going to sleep together, they will do so regardless of a mixed sleepover.

That's also what I have been thinking. It's not one boy and one girl alone in a bedroom. We're not a quiet household, we have another 2 kids at home plus me and DH! Not very romantic :)

We're not in the UK either and have an additional problem that the country we live in has a curfew of 9pm at the moment. So any party has to end by 8.30.

OP posts:
Blueskythinking123 · 15/09/2021 03:57

Both my DC have a mixed group of friends. I think it's really healthy to encourage mixed friendship groups.

moanyhole · 15/09/2021 07:32

My DS is 14. All of his friends are girls. He is he only lad among them. He goes to sleepovers in their houses and they come here. All in one room. No issues at all. I'm glad he's not excluded because of his gender.

Itstheprinciple · 16/09/2021 19:08

My DD does go to mixed sleepovers. Teens don't have to be together at night to have sex.

Verbena87 · 16/09/2021 19:14

Our parents allowed it too. Usually nothing happened, and sometimes we had sex. Even so, I’ll probably allow it too when my little one is older - I think it’s really important having a strong inclusive friendship group and not being segregated by sex all the time.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/09/2021 19:17

Nope - not because I believe they will have sex but I don’t think they should share a sleeping space at that age.

HawksAreRed · 16/09/2021 19:17

I went to plenty of mixed sleepovers as a teen. My parents didn't allow it, but my friend's Mum lied for me and said there would be no boys spending the night!

It was always fine and nothing dodgy happened. But it was stressful having to lie and would have be easier (for me!) to not have had any boys there.

However you may find some parents aren't happy with it. Also it would be your responsibility to make sure that all the children were safe and comfortable. I think there's more 'risks' with mixed sleepovers.

MissAmbrosia · 16/09/2021 19:21

Yes - we've had them. All in one room. Bit sad to think all they are thinking about is sex. Well they probably are, but not doing it in a room full of people.

careerchangeperhaps · 16/09/2021 19:38

Have the boys stay all evening for a movie / snacks / whatever they're doing but get them collected late (11/midnight) just before the girls go to bed.

Stompythedinosaur · 16/09/2021 19:39

I work as a therapist with teens - there is not chance I will have mixed teen sleepovers (though I've had mixed sleepovers for younger dc). I've had too many teens talk about feeling pressured into situations that they didn't know how to get out of.

careerchangeperhaps · 16/09/2021 19:39

Oops - just read about the curfew so that won't work Grin

Littleants · 16/09/2021 20:03

Not on your nelly. If brothers and sisters have to be separated for sleeping at ten, no way am I going to allow friends (potentially with relationships) to sleep together. I know they can have sex any time. That does not mean I have to facilitate it.

ColouringPencils · 16/09/2021 20:28

At the sleepovers I went to as a teen, people had sex. There was a bit of pressure, eg if people had boyfriends in school but had not had sex yet. Almost more pressure than had they been alone, in fact. It sounds like your daughter is not interested and genuinely has a mixed group of friends, but that doesn't mean other people in the group won't want to have sex.

NatashaRf · 16/09/2021 20:33

Not sure about sleep overs from your youth.

But mixed gender always meant at least one girl got fingered....

Amongst my friends it wasn't ever full sex. But the hormones are raging at that age. So I wouldn't expect there to be zero sexual behaviour, no.

endofthelinefinally · 16/09/2021 20:43

I dont think you should be making that decision for other children and parents.

YourFinestPantaloons · 16/09/2021 20:46

No way, purely from a perspective of if anybody has sex/eye pregnant/is assaulted/something else terrible happens i could have prevented it from not allowing it on my turf

SmallGreenStripes · 16/09/2021 20:47

Nope. Mine are 12 and it is different sexes in different rooms when we have sleepovers

Hugoslavia · 16/09/2021 20:49

I went to a mixed sleepover at that age, but girls were in one room, boys in the other come lights out.

BrownEyedSquirrel · 16/09/2021 20:49

We had mixed sleepovers growing up and things definitely happened that I wouldn't have told my parents about. Kissing and "show me your, I'll show you mine" type thing from about 12 or 13 if I remember rightly. Presumably depends on the personalities and maturity levels of kids attending.

ShowOfHands · 16/09/2021 20:53

DD is 14 and her friends are all boys. I'm more than happy for them to sleep in the same room together but DD is gay and more often than not, she goes and sleeps in her own bed and leaves them to the blow up mattresses.