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Original poster

What time are you actually allowed to leave a wedding?

63 replies

WithABiffBangPow · 14/09/2021 21:03

Is it wedding law to have to stay until the bitter end?
Limp drunkenly across the midnight finishing line before you're finally allowed to crawl into a taxi and go to your bed?
I once got into a heap of trouble with a bride friend as I decided to leave her wedding at about 10pm and this upset her greatly, so now I feel like I have to stay at weddings long past the time I'd like to.
So, when is the earliest you can decently leave without upsetting anyone?

OP posts:
BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 14/09/2021 21:06

You can leave when you like but obviously someone might be upset if you haven't been there very long. I think 10 pm is ok if you've been at the wedding all day and stayed for the cake and any food etc but if you only arrived at 8 for the party then you wouldn't have been there long to leave at 10.

It depends on your circumstances as well - travel, children etc.

SquigglePigs · 14/09/2021 21:22

Agree with Bunny that it depends on circumstances. Recently we attended the day, the meal, listened to the speeches, watched the first dance and then left. The bride and groom seemed to understand and weren't upset with us - we have a 2yr old and that was as much as she could manage.

10pm doesn't seem particularly early to me. I suppose pre-kids I'd have stayed til somewhere between 10 and 11 usually.

Also depends for me where you're staying - in the same building I'd probably push it later, but driving an hour home or something then not so late.

Sorry, none of that was a straight answer! I think your friend was being unreasonable to be annoyed with you though.

Original poster
WithABiffBangPow · 14/09/2021 21:23

The particular wedding I tried to flee was an all dayer. I must confess that I find the mere thought of being at a wedding for 10+hours to be utterly exhausting (especially when sober, I find booze is often required).

OP posts:

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Weddings
DismantledKing · 14/09/2021 21:24

As soon as I’ve had a go on the buffet, generally.

Invisiblewoman1 · 14/09/2021 21:26

I think you can leave when you want but the reason your friend might have been upset is she may have seen it as a sign you aren’t as close as she thought. Some people want there nearest and dearest with them till the last second. She may have also been offended that you didn’t want to stay longer and thought it meant you didn’t enjoy the wedding. The times I’ve left weddings before the end we’ve not been close and ive been a little bored

firstimemamma · 14/09/2021 21:26

Our own wedding was done and dusted by 7pm Grin

Soupsseason · 14/09/2021 21:27

Yes, I believe there is a £10,000 fine if you leave before midnight. If you pay within 14days it goes down by 50%. Stays on your record for 10yrs.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 14/09/2021 21:27

I'd leave when I felt I wanted to. Sod the competitive staying till the end thing. There is only so much small talk you can do. After that there isn't much to do other than watch people get drunk and over tired. So you sit there bored, annoyed and all you can think of is leaving.

MintyGreenDream · 14/09/2021 21:28

All day wedding-hour after the evening buffet

Evening wedding- stick it out for minimum of 2 hours.

Original poster
WithABiffBangPow · 14/09/2021 21:29

@firstimemamma

Our own wedding was done and dusted by 7pm Grin
The perfect day. Home in time for Corrie.
OP posts:
weegiemum · 14/09/2021 21:32

I can go home early cos I'm disabled and everyone understands. At all- day weddings we leave after the meal, speeches etc in that sort of "dead time" before the evening starts. Except for close family (basically siblings) when I'll stay to the end. Not been at a wedding for a couple of years now, thank goodness!

Fedupcyclist · 14/09/2021 21:34

Leave when you want to

I’ve definitely pissed a few brides off leaving before the bitter end. They need to be less touchy - it was them not me that wanted a rave up until midnight (my own wedding finished at a civilised 10pm Grin )

Fedupcyclist · 14/09/2021 21:36

Oh and I once went to a wedding where I spent half the day in bed in my beautiful room in the very expensive hotel.
(Had been forced to pay ££££££ to stay over night at the wedding so I wanted to enjoy the room)
Yep I am a terrible wedding guest

DGFB · 14/09/2021 21:38

After 11pm

Just10moreminutesplease · 14/09/2021 21:44

I think it’s generally seen as rude to leave before last orders if you don’t have a solid reason (usually either because you’re elderly, in poor health , or have young children to see to).

Of course you can leave early… but If too many people do the same then it might put a bit of a dampener on the bride and groom’s evening.

PegasusReturns · 14/09/2021 21:48

As a rule I think you should stay until after all the official bits are done, the last of which is usually the first dance.

firstimemamma · 14/09/2021 21:52

@WithABiffBangPow haha! Even though our wedding was so short and simple, we were still both absolutely shattered when we got back to our hotel! I really don't know how couples have the energy for traditional weddings and dancing into the night. I think the emotion etc just took it out of us. Both early thirties with no health issues so that wasn't it! It was a truly amazing and beautiful day but I was definitely overwhelmed by it and ready for sleep!

chaosrabbitland · 14/09/2021 22:09

its been years since iv been to a wedding , but i do remember i left really really early in the evening as i was bored to death by then and just wanted to go home .
but then iv never been to a wedding that didnt bore the life out of me anyway

LukeEvansWife · 14/09/2021 22:15

If it’s a fairly big wedding, I’m guessing the bride and groom aren’t really going to notice once the speeches have finished

CMOTDibbler · 14/09/2021 22:22

Recently, my SIL who was MOB got really narked because BIL and SIL2 (who had been non covid related really ill all week) left before the evening reception. She even texted them the next day to complain about it. DH, ds and I left at 10 and I think even then we were in the bad books for not staying till the fireworks

DelurkingAJ · 14/09/2021 22:37

I confess I was surprised when DH’s best man informed him that his wife was getting tired and they vanished straight after the speeches. I have wondered since if she wasn’t well and didn’t like to say. Someone who isn’t a member of the bridal party…up to you.

Motherdare · 14/09/2021 23:46

Good etiquette is not to leave before the bride and groom.

Anoisagusaris · 14/09/2021 23:52

You wouldn’t leave an Irish wedding at 10pm unless you were aged 80 and over. And even then some of your contemporaries could still well be having the craic.

Crunched · 14/09/2021 23:53

Good etiquette is not to leave before the bride and groom. But they stay so long!
I was at a wedding on Friday, the b and g left at 10pm, which was perfect. Usually that doesn't happen.

GU24Mum · 15/09/2021 07:25

When the bride and groom used to heave late afternoon/ early evening, that was fine but it's a bit of a marathon when there's an evening do too. When you arrive quite possibly midday/early evening and are told the bridal party isn't leaving til midnight, it can feel pretty daunting especially if you're friends with the couple but don't have loads of your own friends or family there.