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Original poster

What time are you actually allowed to leave a wedding?

63 replies

WithABiffBangPow · 14/09/2021 21:03

Is it wedding law to have to stay until the bitter end?
Limp drunkenly across the midnight finishing line before you're finally allowed to crawl into a taxi and go to your bed?
I once got into a heap of trouble with a bride friend as I decided to leave her wedding at about 10pm and this upset her greatly, so now I feel like I have to stay at weddings long past the time I'd like to.
So, when is the earliest you can decently leave without upsetting anyone?

OP posts:
BIoodyStupidJohnson · 15/09/2021 07:29

I think after the first dance is fine, generally. DH and I tend to shoot ASAP — neither of us enjoy weddings particularly and we’ve generally been there since 11am so bolting at 9pm is a reasonable stint.

Kanaloa · 15/09/2021 07:32

I don’t stay too late - I don’t drink so the late hours are miserable to me watching everyone get progressively more drunk and feeling absolutely knackered as I’ve been there all day. If it was a very close friend or relative I’d stay late, but if it’s DH’s second cousin I’d buzz off early-ish.

ReeseWitherfork · 15/09/2021 07:33

Your friend's upset says significantly more about her than you.

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Weddings
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/09/2021 07:35

It used to be etiquette to not leave before B&G but that was when they left at a reasonable hour to go on their honeymoon.

burritofan · 15/09/2021 07:36

She can’t have been enjoying her own wedding much if she had time to notice you leaving. For all-day events I think any time after the first dance is fine (really, any time is fine with a good reason): you’ve seen and done ceremony, pictures, meal, speeches, cake, the dance… everything after that is just a fancy version of a bender.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 15/09/2021 07:36

@Anoisagusaris so true Grin

PurBal · 15/09/2021 07:40

Last wedding I went to we left at 9. We have a child though.

BogRollBOGOF · 15/09/2021 08:47

My (pregnant) bridesmaid went for a nap after the wedding breakfast and that was her out for the night. I didn't notice! She'd been up and busy with little rest since 8am.

I'm normally happy to party until the end, but we scarpered at 10pm after the first dance at theworst wedding I went to that involved 5 hours of standing with only an over-priced bar for refreshment between the 12pm church and 8pm food. It was politeness that kept us waiting for the bland, uninspiring food that had hung around nearly as long as us!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 15/09/2021 08:58

@Motherdare

Good etiquette is not to leave before the bride and groom.
This!

We staged leaving our own wedding at about 10:30pm to allow the old folk, those with young kids or work in the morning to leave then returned a few minutes later and continued the party with everyone who wanted to stay.

Motherdare · 15/09/2021 11:32

Miserable sods on this thread. Everyone knows weddings are late nights. Unless you’re ill or elderly, you stay until the bride and groom leave, with one caveat - after midnight! If the bride and groom are still in full swing at midnight, you’re free to leave. That’s my take and the way I think my friends and family would see it too. I did leave a wedding early once when the groom started breakdancing at 1am. Tbf the bride left shortly after that and he spent the night asleep on the sofa.

It’s a major celebration and if you’re not on board with it and just want to be in bed with a cup of cocoa by 10, maybe don’t go?

MitheringMytryl · 15/09/2021 11:40

Totally depends on the circumstances. There is no universal time.

For something that started in the morning, I think it's totally fine to be done with it by 10pm. Personally if I was close with the couple I would want to stay until the end, but I have young children so that would only be possible if the babysitter had been able to get them settled and in bed. In reality, any night out I have is usually cut short by an apologetic phonecall with my kids screaming blue murder in the background...

burnoutbabe · 15/09/2021 11:56

I think you should be able to accept the invite to the cermony/reception and then say no thanks to the evening do.

I generally leave as soon as i politely can - claiming a headache if needed. I find them dull as anything, standing around in uncomfy shoes, can;t talk as loud music.

So yes, if gone to the day thing, i don't see why you also have to attend ALL the night part.

IllegibleSquiggles · 15/09/2021 12:01

@Anoisagusaris

You wouldn’t leave an Irish wedding at 10pm unless you were aged 80 and over. And even then some of your contemporaries could still well be having the craic.
Actually the last time I was at a wedding, the over-80s way outdid me on stamina. I was staying at the hotel and as I glanced over my shoulder from the stairs, the conga line I could see weaving its way through the function room had an average age of about 75, and they were seriously in the party mood.
PissedOffNeighbour22 · 15/09/2021 12:16

I've been wondering this as I'm expected at a wedding (my brother's) which starts at 11am and finishes at midnight Hmm. I'll have a 20mth old with me and I'll be heavily pregnant at the time.

I've tried to get out of the bride when we ACTUALLY need to be present and got no reply.

They don't seem to understand that my toddler will need a nap and we can't wait until 4pm to be fed (also the meal choice is crap). Luckily the venue is about 30mins from us so we're hoping to come and go when we can and to get some food at a reasonable time.

She's said we need to be there for them cutting the cake. Why???? Will it be the most exciting cake cutting I'll ever see?

maofteens · 15/09/2021 12:23

I'd be surprised any bride would notice! I suppose they'd be worried that you were bored. Frankly English weddings are a phenomenon- I didn't understand how they worked and went to registry office wedding at 11, lunch at 12, then people just sort of hung around and I couldn't understand what the heck for - oh evening do! Ridiculous. Other weddings I've gone to the pub for a couple hours between ceremony, meal and evening do. And only inviting people to the evening thing? Bizarre. My own wedding I had the timeline tight so there was none of this waiting bored what's happening next thing. And no kids as I thought the kids would be bored and the parents not being able to enjoy themselves.

drpet49 · 15/09/2021 15:02

@Motherdare

Miserable sods on this thread. Everyone knows weddings are late nights. Unless you’re ill or elderly, you stay until the bride and groom leave, with one caveat - after midnight! If the bride and groom are still in full swing at midnight, you’re free to leave.

^Rubbish. I’ll leave when I want which tends to be after the buffet.

Motherdare · 15/09/2021 15:07

I think that is ignorant. To eat your fill and clear off.

burritofan · 15/09/2021 20:12

It’s a major celebration and if you’re not on board with it and just want to be in bed with a cup of cocoa by 10, maybe don’t go?
“Sorry, Mavis, I can’t come to your wedding. I know, I was looking forward to it too! But a random on the internet says my choices are stay out later than I can cope with, or don’t go! Of course I’d prefer to see all the big hits - the dance, the cake, and so on, and have a boogie with you, then go home around half nine or ten, but rules is rules.”

carlycurly · 15/09/2021 21:58

We once went to a close friends wedding and had arranged to stay with some other good friends. One of them decided they were ready to leave at 730pm just as the evening guests were arriving, before cake cutting, first dance etc. The rest of us tried to subtly delay but they then went off to wait in the car outside. We had no other accommodation and due to another big event nearby there were no taxis available.

We had absolutely no choice but to go home with them. It wasn't safe to try and walk even. I still feel cross about that now and felt so bad for the bride and groom, although they knew it wasn't our choice. We've never stayed with them since.

freshcarnation · 16/09/2021 07:52

This is why I hate weddings.

LavenderAskew · 16/09/2021 07:59

My leaving times have varied between 11pm to 6am depending on my circumstances and who's wedding.

burnoutbabe · 16/09/2021 11:24

@Motherdare

I think that is ignorant. To eat your fill and clear off.
But you have watched them get married and watched them make speaches and toasted them and given them a present.

Quite why you also have to watch them have a drunken dance as well, I have no idea.

My sisters wedding ended at 6, was perfect, I went for a nice pizza with parents and my aunt. Was still 6 hours of socialising and celebrating which was enough for everyone.

Bigfathairyones · 16/09/2021 11:27

I'm sure you were there til the end weren't you? You were in the garden/at the bar/passed out in the conservatory as you had such a wonderful time. Obviously you hadn't left early.....Grin

VikingsandDragons · 16/09/2021 22:21

I'm really hoping having children is a reasonable excuse to leave before the bride and groom. Sister in law gets married this weekend and we have to be up at 6 for hair and makeup (myself and primary school aged child are in the wedding party, so is our son but no hair or make up for him so he gets a lie in), wedding is at 10.30, the bus for everyone back to the hotel everyone is staying in is an hour away from the wedding venue but isn't until 1.30am, my two kids will be broken if they have to stay up until then, so I'm hoping we can get a taxi at 10ish without it being rude.

Original poster
WithABiffBangPow · 22/09/2021 13:55

Who gets married at 10.30am?! What madness is this?
Surely wedding law would dictate that they'd have to feed you at least 3 times after that early start, and I'm definitely not including the canapes here

OP posts:
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