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Original poster

Would you hate me if I was your mum?

59 replies

Statisticz · 07/09/2021 09:30

This morning between 7:30 and 09:00 all I did was bicker with my DS (8yo). I’m constantly nagging him, prompting him to do things, it’s like he’s in his own little world and has absolutely no realisation of such a thing called time.

I hate being late and I hate rushing. He isn’t a morning person so I wake him up 07:30ish for school so we both can have a bit of extra time - him to waken up properly and me to leave plenty time to avoid being late.

Anyway, he takes way too long to eat breakfast (nearly 30mins for two slices of toast), I need to remind him to get dressed within next 10mins etc, I need to come in and check he is in fact getting dressed as he doesn’t take instructions and will just dilly dally at his own pace.

It’s frustrating and today I just felt if I held a mirror to myself would I be classified as a good mum, probably not. I said things like “you’re hard work”, “I really hope you change one day”, I even said “I pray to god to help you change”.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 07/09/2021 09:34

Nope, you're a perfectly normal parent with a frustrating kid. I'm with you there

I found a change in my dds slow pace if I make her get dressed etc before she has breakfast. She speeds up everything because she's hungry and it saves me nagging her.

WheelieBinPrincess · 07/09/2021 09:34

He needs to be dressed and basically ready before he gets to have breakfast. If he pisses about, toast in a piece of kitchen roll on his way to school.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 07/09/2021 09:35

Ds is up and dressed in minutes.
On the promise of ten mins playing a game on my phone!! Gives me chance to shower in peace too!!
Who says tech is bad??

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StMarysKettle · 07/09/2021 09:37

I don't think you should be saying things like "you're hard work" even if he is frustrating.

If he's not learning these skills then maybe your approach isn't working.

Deadringer · 07/09/2021 09:41

My dd is like this, drives me crazy. Constant reminding and a bit of bribery is how i have managed so far. It was recommended to me to get a timer and to set it for say ten minutes, as a prompt for getting dressed, eating breakfast or whatever. We had mixed results, tbh nagging is just as effective.

Charles11 · 07/09/2021 09:41

I think most households with kids are like that on weekday mornings!
Breakfast only after they’re ready here. It makes such a difference.

Djifunrsn · 07/09/2021 09:42

I personally think the additional time is a mistake. I'd be giving him 5 mins to get dressed (clothes out the previous night) and 10 mins for breakfast.

A friend of mine told her ds to get dressed quickly and he didn't so she put him in the car naked. On arrival at school she asked whether he would like to go in naked or quickly shove on the uniform that she brought. No more messing about getting dressed. No good if you walk to school though!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 07/09/2021 09:43

It's frustrating but try not to tell him he's hard work and to hope he changes. Just make a point of moving forward not to criticise like that.

Have you tried a timer? Get dressed in 10 mins then a reward, 10 mins on the phone as a PP said? Lots of praise when he does it.

Talk to him about the need to get up and ready in a reasonable time. Half an hour for toast is ridiculous, can he eat it in the car if you drive to school? Can he have a yoghurt/ cheese/ham or something he'll eat faster?

PepsiHoover · 07/09/2021 09:43

Both of my DS are like this. Definitely agree that getting dressed needs to happen first. I usually find mind comply better if they have the incentive of being able to watch telly while they eat breakfast. Terrible parenting, I know, but honestly my mornings have been so much less stressful since we started doing it that way .

Soyouthought · 07/09/2021 09:44

Agree with breakfast being the absolute last task. And rather than saying 10 minutes to be ready give him the time so 7.50 be dressed, 8.15 all done. 8.30leave the house. I know myself if someone says 10 minutes it’s very easy to get lost in time.

UserAtLargeAgain · 07/09/2021 09:45

Carrot stick approach - reward (TV/tech maybe?) if he is ready before you need to go. Stick (no TV/tech after school?) if he isn't.

And stop nagging him. Give him a 30 minute and a 5 minute warning (or whatever works for you) only. Will help your stress levels anyway, and chances are he's actually zoned you out and isn't hearing you anyway.

AvoidingNextdoorNeighbour · 07/09/2021 09:46

My DD soon changed her ways after I dragged her out to the car wailing and crying and took her to primary in her pyjamas.
She was bloody lucky I secretly took her uniform with us and she could change in the car before she went in.

She learned a valuable lesson that day. You WILL be going to school for 9am and if you're not ready in time, then you will still be going for 9am. End of.

This was after months of trying everything while she fucked about doing nothing in a morning.

She's a 4th year in high school now and I haven't woken her up for school in about 5 years. She gets herself up, gets herself ready and some days I don't even see her in a morning if I'm having my shower etc when it's time for her to go. Not once has she been late. She wouldn't dare be late. She's been warned, the first time she is late through messing about I will stop allowing her to walk by herself (her choice, not mine) and I will drive her there but this time, I'll be in my pyjamas. And I will get out if the car in front of her mates.

She knows I'm batshit enough to do that.

namechange30455 · 07/09/2021 09:53

I said things like “you’re hard work”, “I really hope you change one day”, I even said “I pray to god to help you change

Not being funny but it's your job as a parent to help him change. Something about your strategy clearly isn't working, and praying to god and insulting your kid isn't going to make things better. He sounds like a fairly normal 8 year old tbh - he just needs a bit of help organising himself.

A laminated schedule/tick list with timings on helped my DS. Does he know that e.g. at X:xx am it's time to get dressed?

Does he want to have toast for breakfast? If he had something he chose, and like PPs said ate it in front of the telly, would he eat it quicker?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 07/09/2021 09:54

I’m not a morning person. I manage it better as an adult but as a kid (and for my first jobs!) giving me more time wouldn’t have helped. At 17, I had to get a bus to work at 5:30… I got up 30 minutes before, quick shower; dressed, toast on the way out the door to eat at the bus stop.

I’d second trying hard not to tell him that he needs to change or he’s hard work, too. For a start, that’s going to make him feel shit going into school. But you also don’t want him to believe those things about himself.

Goldbar · 07/09/2021 09:56

Why not do breakfast last and if you're running late he can have toast in the car?

I think we all say nasty things sometimes when we're stressed Flowers.

Rayna37 · 07/09/2021 09:59

My older sister is mid 40s but I still enforce "no breakfast until you're ready" if she's staying and we need to go out for the day!

WhatsMyNameGonnaBeNow · 07/09/2021 09:59

I’m sure he doesn’t hate you at all but it’s not a very pleasant start to the day for you or him is it? Of course it’s frustrating to have to chivvy him along at every point but saying things like I really hope you change one day and I pray to god to help you change is completely ott. I think hearing that from your mother must be quite hurtful tbh.

You need to put a better morning routine in place. That might mean waking him up earlier or getting more of the organisational stuff done the night before. What if anything is distracting him? Is the tv on, is he playing, is he having trouble finding things?

Travielkapelka · 07/09/2021 09:59

Get dressed ax soon as he’s up and no breakfast, or indeed anything until dressed

FabulouslyFab · 07/09/2021 10:11

I think you need to stop with the negativity. I realise it’s hard work but poor kid. Obviously nagging him isn’t working so change tack and go with rewarding him as other posters have suggested.
Good luck!

Boatonthehorizon · 07/09/2021 10:11

Hour and a half is a long time for a child.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 07/09/2021 10:13

Normal in my experience but by 12 yrs, my DS much better.

ssd · 07/09/2021 10:15

Well in answer to your op, i might not hate you but id hate my mum to say those things to me. Would you have liked @Statisticzit

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 07/09/2021 10:17

I agree that too much time is as bad as too little - no urgency. Allow an hour from waking up, maximum.

I also agree he should get dressed etc before breakfast - that always worked for us. On school days nobody is allowed downstairs until they're dressed.

Then breakfast is naturally time limited to whatever time is left before getting out the door. As others say worst case scenario he takes it with him. A musli bar is no worse than most breakfast cereal.

Regularsizedrudy · 07/09/2021 10:18

The thing is 8 year olds do not grasp the concept of time so expecting him to manage this himself is pointless. I understand your frustrations but it does all sound very negative

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 07/09/2021 10:20

The comments are unnecessary - keep it objective. No comments on his character. Military drill, comments on time remaining, nagging in the sense if reminding yes, but "I pray to god to help you change" is very melodramatic!

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