Would you hate me if I was your mum?

[Statisticz]

This morning between 7:30 and 09:00 all I did was bicker with my DS (8yo). I’m constantly nagging him, prompting him to do things, it’s like he’s in his own little world and has absolutely no realisation of such a thing called time.

I hate being late and I hate rushing. He isn’t a morning person so I wake him up 07:30ish for school so we both can have a bit of extra time - him to waken up properly and me to leave plenty time to avoid being late.

Anyway, he takes way too long to eat breakfast (nearly 30mins for two slices of toast), I need to remind him to get dressed within next 10mins etc, I need to come in and check he is in fact getting dressed as he doesn’t take instructions and will just dilly dally at his own pace.

It’s frustrating and today I just felt if I held a mirror to myself would I be classified as a good mum, probably not. I said things like “you’re hard work”, “I really hope you change one day”, I even said “I pray to god to help you change”.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Nope, you're a perfectly normal parent with a frustrating kid. I'm with you there

I found a change in my dds slow pace if I make her get dressed etc before she has breakfast. She speeds up everything because she's hungry and it saves me nagging her.

Absolutely this

Getting my dd dressed before brekkie makes a huge difference to how our mornings go.

@Statisticz we had that with getting dressed after swimming, we made it into a time challenge, and marvel loudly every time he beats his personal best, we got it down from 23 minutes to 4, worth a try...

Ds is 7and much the same
I've found if I say no TV/ ipad / playing until you are dressed that helps!
You are not alone

I would look at why he is not a morning person at 8 years old. Is he getting enough sleep? Does he have a good bedtime routine?

Definitely get dressed before breakfast, stop telling him to zip his jacket, he can learn when he is cold. He needs to remember things for himself without you prompting, a written list or picture list is helpful so they know what the next step is.

I think leaving him to it is the wrong idea. His brain is unlikely to be sufficiently developed to manage the string of tasks required to get ready for school without support and/or prompting. You would be setting him up for failure.

That's why most pps have suggested being more present and engaged.

I wouldn’t dwell to much on things you said in frustration I think a lot of us have said things we regret later. If you regret being a bit too harsh then at least you know to stop criticising in that way.
I was driven mad by my DD who could not get up and ready at age 11 so much so I took her to get her bloods done as it didn’t seem normal laziness and she had vitamin D deficiency and low foliate. This improved things a bit but she was still just very slow at doing the tasks!
I think if you are up and ready then you can really lead him through all the tasks and just micromanage until he can do it himself. Personally I would get dressed before breakfast then it’s just teeth and hair and shoes etc. If breakfast is taking too long reduce it to a slice of toast and half a banana or something.
My daughter doesn’t hate me and she’s still slow to get ready even after all my nagging but now at Secondary she is fully independent and doesn’t want to be late.

@ilovebagpuss that’s very interesting as I recently purchased vitamin D for him as I suspect it’s low. Other things such as weak bones led me to believe there is a deficiency, he’s always tripping and falling over.

Thanks all for the replies, I did apologise to DC after school today and just expressed my frustration for the slowness but that I didn’t mean the harsh things that were said. I hope to improve that from tomorrow and just try and get through the morning with patience and support rather than making it a battlefield (especially since I’m losing the battles clearly)

@ArabellaStrange

How is he with stuff such as shoe lace tying and cycling? I was like this as a child, constantly in my own little world and it turned out I have dyspraxia.

I was just going to say - my DS was like this. He was referred to OT for dyspraxia and they made him a visual, physical timetable which worked so well that we didn't need it after a few weeks.

Tbh, I was probably still dressing him at 8. Now he's 14, mornings go like this: brush teeth, shower, dress, check bag (packed night before), then breakfast. By that point he's dropping with hunger, so packs the food away quickly.