I cannot keep my house clean

[baybaybays]

I'm depressed, chronically ill and feel like a lazy failure. I cannot keep my house tidy, it's always a fucking mess. I'll get it to an acceptable point where I'm happy with it and can relax and in less than a week it's messy again.

I don't have a dishwasher so washing up piles up, there's always stuff on the floor everywhere, I don't know how or why I can't do it. I'm tired all the time and can't find the motivation to do it.

It's nothing meg too terrible but I can't live like this. I can't relax. It's not fair on my son. A cleaner would help a little but that won't help the messiness. My son has also spilled things on my carpet that I can't get up.

I try to clean/tidy as I go along but it just doesn't happen. I try to dedicate time to it but it doesn't work. I'm embarrassed.

Does anyone have any advice please? I'm desperate?

@Oceanbliss

Lot’s of pp have said robot hoover. It’s hard to know what to get on a budget. Anyone got a cheap or reasonably priced one that works well? And what brand/model is it?

I had an eufy which was amazing. They’re often on offer. Now I have a hosense one which is good but not as good as the eufy was. It still works fine but misses areas more than the eufy did and is 1cm wider so gets stuck on my dining chairs

I have a cheap Eufy11s which is £189 but currently 30% off voucher on Amazon so £133 this week.
They go on that sort of offer every few months.

That model doesn't work with a mobile or anything, it has a remote control you can use or just press the button on the top & let it go off.
You can steer it with the remote but after the novelty wore off we rarely even touch it, just leave it to make it's own way about.
I got mine in Nov 2019 & it's been used daily since then with no issues - I did replace the brushes & filters (all very easy to do) but it came with spares.

Fancier ones can be programmed with your phone or have strips on the floor they won't go past.

@Camrette Thx for your reply. I’ve been looking at the eufy it has mixed reviews. May I ask which model you had?

Thx @Snugglepumpkin

Living in a pickle probable doesn't help your depression. You are worth it you know. I just clear up after myself as I go, even if I don't feel like it. I have a dishwasher but when it was out of commission for a couple of weeks, I left the kitchen sink full of hot soapy water and washed stuff up as I used it and left it to drain. Then before bed I put it all away so that the house was all sorted to start the new day. It does mean my home is my sanctuary rather than a place of strife. Little and often works for me. Good luck with everything.

Sorry to hear you're suffering with this op. I have mental health issues and also struggle - I have a young child a similar age and a very messy older child. The main theme for me is overwhelm! I am beginning to feel resentful that I am the default for cleaning. My husband cleans work surfaces and tidies every now and again but the house is in a perpetual mess (and I am sure it aggravates my mental health).

I am by no means a perfectionist on the housework front but feel irritated that my home looks like this unless I spend hours sorting out otherwise (which I don't do). I am on the brink of employing a cleaner. The main aspect is the tidying though...I think I would feel far more motivated to clean if it were tidier. Clearing up my stuff in one thing, picking up after others is another. My bedroom is reasonably tidy and when opportunity allows, I tend to go in there (to re-claim headspace)...the children also go in there and take things/move things around, so no space is sacred.

@Oceanbliss mine was an 11. Had it for 5 years or so and then it suddenly started shrieking as it was used. It still worked perfectly apart from that but wasn’t fixable and I couldn’t deal with the noise! It zigzagged around haphazardly but did cover the whole floor and all the edges. my hosense one goes up and down in lines which is quite satisfying to watch but sometimes doesn’t realise there’s more room behind a child stood in its path for example.

Ive only managed to read a bit of the thread but wanted to sign in….So many good posts and comradeship here what a lovely supportive thread. I’ll continue reading and see if I have anything else to contribute….but wanted to say OP you are not alone! I have no kids (not counting too many pets), and work over-full time in a highly respected professional role, I do have some health issues that cause fatigue and pain and MH issues that impact this, but still I don’t feel there’s any excuse, my house is quite frankly disgusting at times. It’s shameful. DP works all hours as well for the emergency services and does a lot at home, probably more than me, but he never learned how to manage a house either (mum died when he was young, single grieving hoarder dad did his best bringing them up but FIL’s house is still a slight health hazard).

I’ve read so many books and blogs and methods and followed Youttubers. It just feels never ending.

But just reading the start of this thread tonight has motivated me to just do a little, so now the dishwasher is on and the surfaces are clearer than they would have been if I’d just given up. Little by little. Quite frankly I’d rather be out in the garden, out in the forest with the dogs or in my own world playing piano…. but if my house could be clear and clean, how much nicer would life be, how much better would we both feel. Maybe it’s achievable. I don’t know.

Im sorry you are feeling so down about this . I often have times like this and i found if i broke things down into small bites i could cope, i never went upstairs or down without picking some thing up and putting away. my favourite thing was having a quick tidy up everytime the adverts came on i was amazed what you can tidy in five minutes. dont be too hard on yourself a house doesnt have to pristine to be a home .

@LemonViolet lovely post. You sound like you have a rich and fulfilling life. I would much rather be outside than doing cleaning/ tidying too but in recent years have found i can only have a clear head with a (mainly) clear home. So on days when work allows, it takes 30 - 45 minutes. On other days, it's 15. House is in no way pristine but good enough most of the time to have a peaceful feeling and relayively organised for finding things. Took me about 13 years of living as an adult to get that way and i can't fit in many hobbies! So i suppose everyone has to decide what matters to them. But the repetition of housework is relentless.

Incidentally, OP hasn't posted for a while.

Where you're going wrong is getting it to an acceptable standard and then relaxing for a week.

If you keep on top of it by doing bits each day, it doesn't turn into a catastrophe the following Saturday morning.

It’s tough when you’ve no energy, try not to be hard on yourself. I like to get myself a few new cleaning bits, cloths, product, seems to motivate me! I also have three large flexi tubs, one usually full of washing that needs ironing and putting away, one at the top of the stairs and one downstairs. Move them from room to room chuck in everything that needs to go up / down. When you go up take the run and tip it out on your bed sit and sort through taking bits to the right room. Same when you go down (usually laundry and the bathroom bin bag). Even if you don’t sort the tubs straight away it’s off the floor and in the right area of the house! Also habit stacking, build on to things you already do - - quick wipe over the bathroom with a cloth after brushing your teeth. Wash a few pots while the kettle boils for your morning cuppa. Set timer so laundry is washed and ready to hand immediately in the morning. Small steps, you want to make changes so that’s a huge start. Good luck.

Paper plates and cutlery and recycle them in the bin each time ( for now)

A box that you can keep on a spare room or garage or under the stairs and just Chuck everything on the floor in there and then promise yourself each day you will put one thing away and then when you do that put two things away and so on

De clutter get rid of everything you don't HAVE to have

Employ a cleaner as wel ( I know you said about this)

Depending on the age of your son perhaps offer him pocket money for chores

Right a lost at the beginning of each week of the what you want to tidy or clean this week

Do one room a day not all the rooms at once

And lastly. Stop stresssing

Following!
Some really good tips here.

Do it bit by bit each day.

Thx @Camrette

I found the book - The life-changing magic of tidying by Marie Kondo - to be really great, the KonMarie method has really worked for me.

I'm still not finished getting my house completely sorted but cleaning is much easier now I've decluttered and discarded so much stuff I don't need. I had far too much. There is now more space to put things away and I know where most things need to go.

Ok I’ve read through now!

My contribution is the UFYH (UnFuck Your Habitat) app. I like the sweariness. It has a Challenge! function where you pick a room and a time period and it gives you a specific task - in just checked Living Room, 5 min and it gave me “dust TV and electronics equipment”. Quite frankly it would never occur to me to do this except in whole-house-manic-blitz mode which is not very often. So it’s good for random prompts of achievable tasks like that, and you get to feel a little subversive whilst you do it as it uses curse words