I cannot keep my house clean

[baybaybays]

I'm depressed, chronically ill and feel like a lazy failure. I cannot keep my house tidy, it's always a fucking mess. I'll get it to an acceptable point where I'm happy with it and can relax and in less than a week it's messy again.

I don't have a dishwasher so washing up piles up, there's always stuff on the floor everywhere, I don't know how or why I can't do it. I'm tired all the time and can't find the motivation to do it.

It's nothing meg too terrible but I can't live like this. I can't relax. It's not fair on my son. A cleaner would help a little but that won't help the messiness. My son has also spilled things on my carpet that I can't get up.

I try to clean/tidy as I go along but it just doesn't happen. I try to dedicate time to it but it doesn't work. I'm embarrassed.

Does anyone have any advice please? I'm desperate?

So many good suggestions.

Having a daily/weekly routine for the basics helps eg admin, make the beds, wash up, wipe the kitchen, put toys away at night, weekly bathroom cleaning, laundry, shopping etc. If you have a to do list and cross them off (on your phone or paper), it feels good to see what you are achieving.

The pomodoro method is a good way of getting anything done, especially if you struggle with getting started. Set a timer for 20 mins and just do what you can, then take a 5 minute break. Then set another 20 minute timer. You might need to modify it but you could do a 10 minute toy tidy up every day with the toddler "helping" and 10 minutes general tidying in the morning - make it a game, out on some music baby shark you rush around tidying while your DS runs with you, hopping, jumping, dancing, whatever you fancy.

If you can, save up and get a dishwasher, even if it has to be a small table top one to save space. You can easily lose an hour washing up and drying 3 times a day. Shop for food online, if possible. If you can afford it, get a robot hoover or have a cleaner.

Don't try and do everything at once. Start by sorting out your sitting room and keeping on top of it every day so you have somewhere lovely to relax in after your DS is in bed. Mark the end of the day and everything you have done each evening with something nice eg lighting a scented candle, a fancy chocolate, a bubble bath.

This is a good site for finding your organising style to make things easiest for you:
clutterbug.me/get-started

You can do this!

Commiserating. My rental is too small with almost no storage space and I am a knitter on a big scale

Bedroom is tiny then the kitchen cum sitting/living room and bathroom. Just too cramped to ever get tidy.

And the eejit who built put in pale lemon lino. I have seven cats and live amid fields etc.

One successful idea was to spread a hand knitted blanket over my knitting work at night. I have CFS/ME and energy is like gold dust and I am abed much of the day.

Do what you can?

@FatCatThinCat

I've just googled the Organised Mum Method that someone mentioned and to me it just sums up the issue. Like you I'm chronically unwell and my house is a bit of tip. The OMM says that everyday you should:

• Quick floor clean of main living areas. This obviously depends on what floors you have (carpets, tiles or wood floors). If you have hard flooring mop at least once a week.
• 1 load of laundry
• Quick clean of bathrooms, this includes a mop of the floors at least once a week.
• Make beds

It says these are quick jobs and you should do them all in under 15 minutes. WTF!? There's more chance of me winning the lottery than getting those jobs done in 15 minutes. Just cleaning the floors in the main living areas would take me 2 hours plus recovery time. 1 load of laundry including pegging out time, half an hour. Bathroom, half an hour. Beds also probably half an hour but need recover time as it's a physicaly demanding job for me.

So 15 minutes of work translates to 3.5 hours plus recovery time for someone who isn't well. No wonder my house is a tip. Because I've still got to do the school run, the after school activities, the cooking, the bedtimes and baths on top of that.

Just to say that the daily quick hoover is just that - you literally just whizz round once with the hoover in high traffic areas. It takes me or husband about 3 minutes. Again bathroom is wiping a different thing every day, so might just be the sink one day, which takes one of us about two mins. It's not meant to be a deep clean. It's a quick wipe down.

But obviously if you're not well things will take a lot longer and I'm not sure there's really a solution to that other than external help or other people in the house helping out. The sad fact is that if we want our house clean then we have to clean it - there are loads of different methods and ways to organise it that work for people, but there is still a time investment that can't be avoided unless someone else does it.

Also making the beds in the Organised Mum Method means pulling the duvets back to air the bed, not properly making them.

The way I do it is I choose 1 room a day to fully deep clean normally takes me an hour or 2 to tidy, hoover and mop and then I do 1 clothes wash every morning.
With dishes I have a dishwasher so it's easier but before I would just make sure to do the dishes after every meal so there wasn't a pile up.
It doesn't need to be spotless, if it's easier get big plastic tubs and just throw everything into there and sort it out when ready, all toys into tubs etc.

And minimalist stuff, if you find you have too much stuff lying around then just minimalise what you keep out, anything you don't need box it up and put it away.

Sorry if this is a stupid question / suggestion but how much storage do you have? I was in a similar position and overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I just had scattered about everywhere and one day I was sat down trying to build up the energy to tidy it away and realised I had absolutely no storage. Things were ending up everywhere because I had nowhere to put them.

I invested in three IKEA Kallax units and the buckets to go in them and it’s made a massive difference. Each bucket has a dedicated use so everything has a place to live. It doesn’t even matter too much if inside the buckets is a bit of a mess, the units look tidy on the outside and it looks so much better which really helps to clear my mind.

I loosely follow the TOM and have the app so I could I theory tick off my jobs.

I also set a timer but keep it short. I do 30 minutes without stopping. My house is still a mess but I have no choice. The kids washing has to be done. Washing up has to be done. Do the the things you have to every day.

What you dont need to do every day try to chip at for 30 minutes once a week.

But even if you only do laundry for 30 minutes a day. Wash up for 30 minutes a day you are doing something. It's about building habits but I'm not perfect either

@ThePotatoCroquette has nailed it.

One step, shelf, load of dishes at a time.

Also don’t get bogged down in stuff. It’s ok to hoover the crumbs off the middle of the floor and not worry about going round the edges. It’s ok to tidy one shelf of a cupboard and not do the whole thing. It’s ok to clean that sticky mark off the kitchen floor but not mop the whole thing...

I also agree with instilling one habit before adding another.

I’m not chronically ill and I know it doesn’t compare but I did suffer hyperemesis during my pregnancies which gave me an idea of how even the smallest task can wipe you out and require recovery time. I used to see it as anything I did get done was better than nothing.

And robot hoovers are amazing! Mine is currently oootkung around while I type this 😄

*pootling

I do lots of little jobs and one big one every day.

My daily little jobs are:
Pots are washed and put away as soon as they’ve been used.
Beds are made.
I sweep under the table every evening after dinner.
I do a load of laundry and put it away every day.
Cleaning kitchen

Then just one big job every day so that they’re done every week, e.g:

Cleaning the bathrooms
Cleaning the bedrooms
Washing and changing the bedding
Hoovering through the house

Then two days a week I’ll do really big jobs e.g:

Sorting the back garden
Steam cleaning the carpets
Cleaning the oven etc.

I’m heavily pregnant and have a 4 and 3 year old so can often feel overwhelmed by stuff that has to be done but once I get started (with a podcast on) I’m amazed how quickly and painlessly I get stuff done.

Try and pace yourself. I only get through doing all this because I know my husband won’t be working 90 hour weeks come October and I’ll have help again.

If you need help, and can afford it, then please get a cleaner. You’ll only need to do the daily little jobs and small tidying then.

Just to echo what @salviapages said about counter top dishwashers. A wonderful machine! I have a Cookology one. I fill it with 3 jugs of water(jug provided) the hose goes in the sink. Throw in a tablet, I pick a programme(say, quick or glasswear) and switch on.

I bought it on Ebay through a cashback site(I used Quidco) and got money back few weeks later. Win win.
Do you have storage? Cupboards, toy boxes, laundry baskets etc?

Thank you all

I used to be the same OP.

Awhile ago, I started with what I call my 6-day system.

Every day, I must do these six things and it has helped me so much.

1. Make bed(s)
2. Clean kitchen and do the dishes (handwash or load into dishwasher)
3. At least one load of laundry. Start to finish, so definitely have to dry it and put it away!
4. Vacuum one room in the house.
5. Tidy front entrance. Put anything away that has been left there. (shoes, recycling)
6. Clean toilet and wipe over basins.

Yes to the pottering mentioned. I never do a big clean really
Stuff like when I've washed my face, I wipe the sink over with the flannel (before it goes in the wash!)
In the shower I put pink stuff cream cleaner on the glass doors with a sponge at the end of my shower and rinse it off

I try to do 30 mins a day but some days I do 10 mins and it looks fine, and I do nothing at weekends
TV advert breaks are great for doing stuff! Work out what matters to you as well - things that annoy you, focus on those first
Even washing up and hoovering makes a huge difference and making your bed
If you wanted to then maybe start a thread in housekeeping and people can post what they have managed to do?

Also have you got cash to throw at the problem?
For me I pay to have my oven cleaner (£40) and I've had my carpets cleaned before (was maybe £100 and well worth it)
The dr beckmann carpet cleaner with the brush is the best I've used (I have a cat that likes to throw up)

The first step is to completely declutter. If you haven't used/worn it in the last year, get rid. Can you afford some cheap shelving and plastic storage bins? Once you've decluttered (and again only keep stuff that you truly use) make sure to sort all the like things together, like all Christmas stuff in one tub, all your sheets in another tub etc. If you are really ruthless it will be easier. One thing you can do is anytime you are going to go to a different room, take something with you that belongs there.
And I say get a cleaner, you do have to tidy up for them, but it will get easier each week, you'll get more and more used to putting stuff away regularly. And if there comes a week you don't have the time or energy to Tidy up before they come it's ok, nothing bad will happen, just tuck your dirty laundry away and let them do the rest, the trade off is they might not have enough time to do a deep clean but it's ok!

@baybaybays
How's it going, OP? Some amazing advice on here but maybe a bit overwhelming...how nuch can you realistically do with your chronic illness? If it's 15 mins per day, keep to that and that is a real achievement. Is there anyone who can help lighten the load a bit to get started? If you are worried about a cleaner coming in, any non-judgemental friends ir family? Also, do you think you need help with the depression or are you already getting some help?

We don't know about your work/ childcare situation either which is an important factor.

But in general, while systems like TOMM and flylady are great, they might be overwheming right now. Take some time to think about what would make you happier. Build up slowly. Start with one task per day and then add more when you feel ready. Dripping of water wears away stone...so little and often.

You could do:
Day 1 - clear sink - wash up and clean sink.
Day 2 - add work surfaces
Day 3 - quick clean of loo/basin
Day 4 - 5 - 10 mins round house with bin bag/basket and declutter/ tidy.
Day 5 - load laundry

And so on...just maintain dishes, kitchen, bathroom for next two weeks, maybe, then see if you can do a little more.

30 mins on most days is ideal for getting most things done ime but any time is better than nothing.

Good luck, op.

I’m chronically ill too and no amount of following a method helps me to keep the house clean and tired because I am just too exhausted to do anything other than the bare minimum.

Two things have helped recently:

1. I got a very cheap second hand dishwasher. If you have the space (you can even get small counter top ones so there should be space), I would suggest doing this. It has made an unbelievable difference as I can use the energy I used to use on washing up for a different household job, and the counters are always clear.

1. I am paying for a cleaner twice a month. I can’t really afford to do this but I was desperate. I found a private cleaner rather than an agency as it’s cheaper - costs me £30 per month. It means that the kitchen and bathroom get properly cleaned twice a month, so they are easier to keep vaguely clean in between.

When you’re not having to wash up all the time and you know you’ve got someone cleaning a couple of times per month, you can use that energy on tidying instead. Things aren’t perfect here and never will be while I’m so unwell and fatigued but it has helped.

My other tip for cleaning and tidying with a chronic illness is to just a half arsed job if that’s all you can manage: sweeping the floor quickly and missing some bits is better than not sweeping it at all. Wiping the surfaces you can see but not underneath what’s on them is better than not wiping them at all. 5 minutes or vague tidying is better than no tidying. I’m sure that many (healthy) people would be horrified by this but there really is no other option when you can barely function.

The things that have made the biggest difference for me are a dishwasher (I have a small tabletop one as there are only 2 of us) and a robot hoover.

Stuff gets put into the dishwasher until it's full so even if I have a nearly full load of washing up, the kitchen looks cleaner & I can wipe the surfaces/clean the sink etc...

The hoover means I have (over time) slightly rearranged the rooms so there is not much on the floor but every time it goes round it makes everything look much tidier even if the surfaces are a bit of a mess.
All I have to do is empty it's little dust thingy.
When I first got it, it would get stuck somewhere & I'd tidy that bit up so it wouldn't get stuck there again, but now it can do the whole ground floor without getting stuck anywhere.
My son & I have both got into the habit of not leaving things on the floor so it doesn't get stuck.

I also have one of those stair baskets because I have to have a rest everytime I walk up the stairs, so I put things in the basket as I find them then carry it up when it's full.

My house was a complete tip.
I didn't want to be home (originally caused by ill health & no help at all) & I'd have been far too embarrassed to let anyone in.
I started with my front room which now takes about 5 minutes a day to keep visitor level tidy & I am slow.
Then the hall, then the stairs so everything you see as a visitor was done.
Then the kitchen & so on.
I still have to go round every six months making sure there aren't new things starting to clutter up the space again even though I don't buy anywhere near as much stuff as I used to.

Upstairs is nowhere near as sorted as downstairs yet but it will eventually be - although the bathroom & toilet are both always clean & tidy.
I've gone through each area of downstairs multiple times & got rid of anything we don't really need/use/want so much I keep it anyway.
Each time I always seem to find a few more things I thought I 'needed' that I haven't even remembered since the last time I went through & certainly won't miss.
I just had far too much stuff.
I had enough cups to last a community centre a lifetime, now I just have 16 so I can fill the diswasher with them & still have some to use.
I got rid of my everyday cutlery & just kept the really good set which has 12 of everything (bought double teaspoons so we always have plenty even when dishwasher is on because we use a lot of them)
Same with plates - one set good enough for best but can go in the diswasher. We use them everyday not just for special occasions.

For me (doesn't work for everyone) having one room that was a pleasure to be in & easy to keep that way helped me move on to the next one.

I do have some things I just don't really know where to put & for now they end up in my bedroom which is the messiest place in the house.
I know if I got the rest done & tackled the mammoth task of getting rid of all the clothes I have that are never going to fit me again I'd have room to put everything away but it's frankly overwhelming & I'm working towards it.
Marie Kondo just made it worse for me.
I pulled out every item of clothing & now I can't find a thing or figure out how to get it all put away.
It might be fine if you can drive to get rid of stuff (I can't) or have someone else who will take it away, but for me it's something I regret trying.
It only works if you can finish it.

@Snugglepumpkin I don't think Marie Kondo would work for me either!

I have decluttering my wardrobe but a bit at a time. So I've day i got rid of my holey old pants and then another day the socks. The next week I did one shelf of t shirts and jeans I'll never fit in again.

After a while there was less stuff and then I could organise it easily without destroying my room.

The Minimal Mom has good advice about how to do clothes. Rather than look at everything you just pick out your favourite things and then chuck the rest without really looking at it, it's much easier and removes some of the emotion as everything you're getting rid of is already not your favourite stuff.

Do you think if it was clean and tidy you could maintain it (perhaps with a cleaner), could you pay for someone who's also a tidier or get friends in to help get it straight in the first place?

Robot hoover for the win, you have to clear the floors first, but let it take the strain.

Lot’s of pp have said robot hoover. It’s hard to know what to get on a budget. Anyone got a cheap or reasonably priced one that works well? And what brand/model is it?