Advice please. I hate the way my DH parents our son

[Hogu]

DS is 2.5 years old. Full of life and inquisitive bright little thing. I'm a sahm, I take him to various toddler groups and we go on walks everyday, I like to 'gentle parent' as much as I can and let him explore as much as he can safely.

My DH is the opposite, he insists our son is 'naughty' as he won't do as he's told, constantly says he's not learning anything as I'm too soft on ds and don't shout at him. I've tried to tell DH that ds is only 2.5 yrs old and his behaviour is totally normal for his age, he wants to do everything and is interested in absolutely everything!

DH works full time but when he does see ds( which is only for an hour in the morning and at weekends) he's mainly on his phone then gets cross with ds as he's bored and wants attention.
Im so so sick of trying to diffuse Dhs annoyance at our son and feel like im constantly sticking up for our son to save him getting shouted at.

What can I do? I feel miserable when DH is home at the moment.

Sounds really tricky.

If you decided to leave, it doesn't sound like your DH would want 50/50 custody.

I can TL believe he has so blatantly said to you he actively avoids spending time with your DS... just such a cruel thing to come out with.

I bet he didn't actually want kids in his heart of heart and now he is treating you and your DS as an inconvenience.

What do you do as a family at the weekend? What would your DH say if you suggested he take DS to the park?

Your husband sees your DS for one hour a day? He's actually told you that he purposely avoids coming home until your DS is in bed?

Do you think any of this shouty, disinterested behaviour is a healthy environment for your DS to be growing up in? With you constantly having to referee the relationship between them?

You may think this isn't having any impact on your DS, because you feel you're there to make him laugh and play with him? There must be a terrible atmosphere, your DS will be picking that up.

I don't think your husband wants to be a father, he went along with IVF to please you. Your DS will sense your husbands hostility/ disinterest.
I doubt he'd even consider access if you split, he would probably be more than happy to leave your DS and you to it, and get on with his life.

Staying in this relationship seems to be putting off the inevitable, as your DS grows it'll probably not change.

I think you need to put your DS wellbeing and best interests first and end this relationship before anymore damage is done.

All the best x

He needs to connect with the DC there is no bond.

[quote Hogu]@Rainallnight DS is an ivf baby, it was actually me that wanted him so badly but DH was happy either way - if ivf worked or not.

[/quote]
The fact that your DH would have been happy if you hadn't succeeded with IVF is very telling.

It sounds as though he regrets becoming a father and your son is a constant reminder of that so your DH projects his discontentment into your son.

Ye forget connecting, I'd leave the fucker.

@Jobsharenightmare

I see gentle parenting as meaning using the carrot not the stick and a repertoire of strategies for nurturing a child. I can't believe how critical people are of attuned and emotionally engaged parents.

Probably because the children who benefit from all this lovely parenting are the ones whacking our kids with sticks while their mums back is turned and she's waffling on about how attuned their little child is to the natural world or something. And if you say anything to them they cry because they can't cope with anything more than a simpering 'kind hands please darling'