[quote RelentlessForwardProgress]@wellbehavedwomen oh that is a brilliant idea about asking if it can be recorded, it never occurred to me it would be allowed, I'll definitely ask, thank you.
She did not have chemo last year because it was felt the risk of her getting covid outweighed the advantages (this was last summer, before vaccines). I think they are going to offer her some now following these scans that have picked up the stage 4, but we aren't sure yet as it has to be decided at a meeting where different departments (?) talk about patients together (this bit is hazy, she's not sure she understood).[/quote]
Yes, a Multi-Disciplinary Team Meeting, with the surgeon, oncologist, endocrinologist (if hormone responsive) a radiologist (or radiographer? Can't remember the name - the person who offers views on radiotherapy, anyway) and her key nurse(s) all present - if reconstruction is at issue, then a plastics surgeon too. Those meetings are completely standard and essential at putting together the very best plan possible for that patient. She understood perfectly.
I am going to assume that she's had a PET-CT scan, and possibly some biopsies since?
The reason I ask re. chemo is that even before Covid, people with low recurrence risk (and in terms of what you've said, that would have by all expectations have been her) often don't have chemo, as of course it carries its own risks. Small tumour, hormone responsive, no lymph node involvement, is all good news so they wouldn't have expected a spread.
I think that that's actually good, being a chemo virgin, because if she had had a recurrence that swiftly after chemo, I'd worry that her cancer doesn't respond to it. Most people do respond, so for her, that option is fully on the table, and could arrest things I hope. Definitely worth calling Breast Cancer Now and asking, but that would be my hope for her.
Also, please don't be as scared of chemo as I was! Chemo's not nice, in the way no illness is nice, but it's no different to being ill more generally. The fear of it was so much worse than the actual treatment. Chemo's reputation is from ten or twenty years ago. It's not fun - think 2 or 3 days of proper flu for every cycle - but perfectly doable, too. They have amazing drugs to remove the worst of the symptoms now- very few women feel sick at all. It's the exhaustion that's the worst part.
I think trying to open-listen, and not jolly her along, would be a godsend. It can be very lonely, facing your own possible mortality while everyone around you declares that they just know you'll beat the odds. I mean, the odds already beat you, in getting it. And honestly, if your relative's got a dark sense of humour, then laughter is so important. I still grin, remembering a group of us sharing notes on inappropriate songs on the radio while you're getting radiotherapy, or an MRI. (Think: If I Was You (I'd wanna be me too); This Girl Is On Fire; Live and Let Die... 
). She may not find that stuff funny, but if she does, there's nothing better at lifting morale than finding life funny.