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Original poster

Why on mumsnet?

61 replies

Generalpost · 03/09/2021 12:32

Why on mums net is it as soon as they turn 18. Are there comments such as he/she is an adult? By law yes but it's not a flick of a switch is it? You could have an 18 year old that has matured more slowly and possible more like a 16 year old for example.

Then there's the 16+ year old . Why does he/she not have a job. They should be paying their way.

18+ year old: why are they still living at home . Why don't they have their own place.

There's probably more.

Is it just a mumsnet thing or do parents really think that young people should be them things Confused

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 03/09/2021 12:35

It's a mn thing.

TheWeeDonkey · 03/09/2021 12:51

It is a MN thing. I don't think its something you see IRL. I think as well its hard to give advice about kids when you don't have kids that age. You soon forget what it was like when they were younger and you have no idea what it will be like when they are older.

18 - 25 technically are adults but they still need a lot of parental support and guidance. Most people that age unless they're in uni still live with their parents IME.

Betsybanshee · 03/09/2021 12:54

It is MN thing for sure

The other thing i notice is 14/15 yo with say 11.30pm Curfews - dont know of any DC that age allowed out so late in Real life

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ChequerBoard · 03/09/2021 12:54

It's definitely an MN thing.

I wonder if it's because a lot of people who post here still have babies/toddlers/primary school age DC so don't yet have experience of life with older teens and therefore don't get that they are not suddenly fully fledged adults they day after their 18th birthday?

TheWeeDonkey · 03/09/2021 12:57

I think thats often the case Checkerboard

Geamhradh · 03/09/2021 12:58

For every post like the sort you mention in the OP, there are an equal and opposite number taking their 25 year old to talk to his boss, getting involved in his/her relationships and helping them with their A level homework.
Both groups are obviously bonkers but cancel each other out nicely tbf.

Thymeout · 03/09/2021 13:00

I remember when 21 was the age you officially became an adult. Having spent a lot of time in the company of 18 yr olds in my career, I'd say it was a much more realistic cut-off point, especially as 18 yr olds today are often far less mature in terms of being encouraged to do even basic things, such as needing to be taken by parents to university Open Days.

And don't get me started on 16 yr olds being given the vote.

Kithic · 03/09/2021 13:03

because its a generalised forum board

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 03/09/2021 13:11

Depends on your family and your 18 year old. Mine is now a 20 year old and always been mature and is a lovely lad working etc. 16 year old can’t even lock a door and is somewhat head up his arse tbh it’s endearing at times but he’s very different to his older brother and I can’t see him wanting to move out etc for quite some time.

The eldest does help out with digs and around the house. I know mumsnet think working adults should live rent free in their own homes but not when a parent is struggling and they are living the life of Riley they don’t in my house. Luckily my son understands paying rent etc. They have to do it eventually and learn to budget and live within their means so may as well start when they are old enough to earn a full time wage.

Ionlydomassiveones · 03/09/2021 13:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
Generalpost · 03/09/2021 16:16

@Thymeout

I remember when 21 was the age you officially became an adult. Having spent a lot of time in the company of 18 yr olds in my career, I'd say it was a much more realistic cut-off point, especially as 18 yr olds today are often far less mature in terms of being encouraged to do even basic things, such as needing to be taken by parents to university Open Days.

And don't get me started on 16 yr olds being given the vote.

That's makes alot sense for me actually 21 does seen a much better age to become an adult. Alot at 18 are still as school/6th form and have not experienced any adult life experience.

Also your post reminded me of when I was having a hard time with one of my children/teen and someone from MN explained to me that the brain does not fully develop until the age of 25. I have no idea if that's fully true . But made me feel better anyway Grin

OP posts:
Notstandinguptoday · 03/09/2021 16:45

It’s very much a MN thing. Most of the 18 yr olds I know are still in full time education.

Looking back I think some of my friends were closer to thirty before they were remotely able to adult.

HollowTalk · 03/09/2021 16:48

It always makes me laugh how people are prepared to charge so much rent to a teenager yet are expected to let a fully grown man move in and not pay any rent, just half the bills.

skippy67 · 03/09/2021 16:49

Definitely a MN thing.

MissyB1 · 03/09/2021 16:53

Yep a mumsnet thing.

skippy67 · 03/09/2021 16:53

@HollowTalk

It always makes me laugh how people are prepared to charge so much rent to a teenager yet are expected to let a fully grown man move in and not pay any rent, just half the bills.
Yes! There was a thread recently about a nearly 17yo, aka a 16yo being charged £50 a week to live at home because they're now earning. Lots of comments saying it'll teach them how to budget, responsibilities etc. How about encouraging them to save enough so they can move out?
Mamette · 03/09/2021 16:57

It’s an MN thing. These posters have small DC and aren’t aware of what an 18yo is like to parent.

See also posters who reply on the teenagers board saying “well when I was 18 I did x,y and z”. Oh thanks, I didn’t think to draw on my own experience at all when I was struggling to parent my 2020s teenager. Oh wait I did actually and then I dismissed it as irrelevant.

GoodnightGrandma · 03/09/2021 16:58

Definitely a MN thing.
And if you’re not charging your child to live in their own home you’re slack and you’ve not brought them up right 🙄

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 03/09/2021 17:02

MN isnt real life. Which is bonkers considering people come here for life advice. I really wish some would drop the facade and just be real, rather than perpetuating an odd MN reality

LynetteScavo · 03/09/2021 17:11

Yep, definitely a MN thing!

There no magic switch that happens in their 18th birthday that suddenly makes them sensible. My 18yo DS still needs a lot of parenting. It's very different parenting to washing his clothes and making sure he eats some vegetables, but he still needs help and advice on certain things. I don't know any teenagers that live by themselves, although DS had one friend who was a care leaver who lived independently as a teen. The friend lied to DS about something, saying his dad was going to help him do it, although it was obviously untrue. DS was upset his friend had lied, but I can see why he did. It must be so hard not to have any family support. Just because a random MNetter was raising three children as a single mother aged 19, doesn't mean everyone is capable of doing so.

itsgettingwierd · 03/09/2021 17:25

I know!

I was very independent and by 12/13 was travelling alone by bus or train into the city for my sport.

First PT job at 14 (paper round) and by 17 had a job at local soft play.

My ds is 17 now. Ok, he's autistic. But he doesn't do any of the stuff I did at that age and some of it's because he can't (also have physical disability), some is because he's developmentally behind in some areas (the autism).

I'm fed up of people thinking because he's 17 he should be doing x y and z.

I was probably quite advanced in independence but neither is right and I'm not sure yet either is a better way to be.

I am ds parent and will always be his parent and won't stop being his parent the day he turns 18.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 03/09/2021 17:28

I always think it’s this way unless the 18 yo is a ‘very high achiever’ and then it’s oh no they mustn’t get a job, you should still be wiping their arse if they are going to be getting 4 A*s at a level at their very exclusive grammar school, academic achievement is so crucial!

If it’s a standard teen with an apprenticeship in a hairdressers or as a kitchen fitter then it’s ‘make them move out and pay their way!’

bamboocat · 03/09/2021 17:33

'As soon as they turn 18' Perhaps that is because they are then legally an adult.

All depends on what the thread is about really.

BarefootHippieChick · 03/09/2021 17:40

I think it's a mumsnet thing. I have older teenagers, my friends all have teenagers and 20 somethings, and they pretty much all still live at home, a lot are still in education and the majority don't pay bed and board. Have to agree with the pp who said possibly a lot of those posters have toddlers who probably think they'll be moving out with a fancy car and high earning job at 18, because they're an adult.

TheVolturi · 03/09/2021 17:44

I wasnt an adult until at least mid twenties 😂