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Original poster

Why on mumsnet?

61 replies

Generalpost · 03/09/2021 12:32

Why on mums net is it as soon as they turn 18. Are there comments such as he/she is an adult? By law yes but it's not a flick of a switch is it? You could have an 18 year old that has matured more slowly and possible more like a 16 year old for example.

Then there's the 16+ year old . Why does he/she not have a job. They should be paying their way.

18+ year old: why are they still living at home . Why don't they have their own place.

There's probably more.

Is it just a mumsnet thing or do parents really think that young people should be them things

OP posts:

ChequerBoard · 04/09/2021 09:44

[quote TheReluctantPhoenix]@ChequerBoard,

Intruding?

Freudian slip?[/quote]

No just a good old fashioned autocorrect fail as I had already pointed out...

FatAnkles · 04/09/2021 09:48

My 17yo neice works part-time alongside her studies but she's saving up for university. I doubt she'll move out (other than for when she's at uni) for years to come.

I had my first job at 13 and worked pretty much constantly since then (alongside my studies) and I paid board towards the lecky and food to my parents but I know that's not the norm these days. My 15 yo has never had a PT job and the least I expect is for her to do some volunteering from the age of 16 (to look good on uni applications). I don't expect her to leave home for years.

mafted · 04/09/2021 10:11

Young adults living at home is a stage I'm finding difficult with my own children. I have DC aged 22, 18, 11 and 9.
I moved out at 16 then went back and moved out for good at 18 so I don't have experience of living at home as an adult to draw from. I think because I have the younger two I am too much in Mum mode with the older ones.
The few friends I have with adult DC at home just seem to complain about how lazy and entitled they are.

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Statisticz · 04/09/2021 10:48

@Generalpost I agree, and it’s as if now they are 18 yrs old you don’t have a say over them as their parent and they can apparently make their own hellbent decisions! I intend to have a say in my child’s life at that age otherwise they would be self destructive!

Each child will be different and some can be so mature as young as 16 and others take a lot longer. I know what I was like and tbh I only really matured into my late 20s

BarefootHippieChick · 04/09/2021 11:55

leaving home by 18

🙄🙄 I don't get why some people can't wait to shove their kids out at 18. I didn't leave home until my mid 20s, I still led a perfectly independent life, worked, drove and had a social life, I just didn't want to have to spend my whole monthly wages on rent and bills. My parents had absolutely no problem with that. I'm happy for my kids to stay at home until they choose to move out, whatever age that will be.

Shamsa03 · 04/09/2021 12:36

@Generalpost

Then there's the 16+ year old . Why does he/she not have a job. They should be paying their way.

18+ year old: why are they still living at home . Why don't they have their own place.

There's probably more.

Is it just a mumsnet thing or do parents really think that young people should be them things

I don't understand either. I started a thread which obviously meant my daughter was still at home, I was asked how old she was to and I told them that she had autism which seemed to pacify them. It's kinda sad that you have to give a reason why your daughter/ son is living in your home. I seen a post yesterday OP started a thread saying she was having trouble with her child one poster told her to throw him out! He was 13 years old!!!

(sorry if my post is hard to read I have been asked if my first language is English and if I have autism. I don't but I do have undiagnosed Adhd which makes it hard for me, apologies)

PegasusReturns · 04/09/2021 12:41

It’s a MN thing and when probed the vast majority of people who put forward this perspective have toddlers but were “living independently” at 17.

I moved out of home when I was 16. I wasn’t given a lot of choice but whilst it wasn’t a wholly negative experience it was far from ideal. I learnt a lot but I was very vulnerable. It’s not a model I am replicating with my own DC.

PegasusReturns · 04/09/2021 12:42

The one that makes me scoff is "They're 16they can legally get married

Quite. Said by no mother of a 16 year old girl ever!

Original poster

Generalpost · 04/09/2021 13:01

[quote Statisticz]@Generalpost I agree, and it’s as if now they are 18 yrs old you don’t have a say over them as their parent and they can apparently make their own hellbent decisions! I intend to have a say in my child’s life at that age otherwise they would be self destructive!

Each child will be different and some can be so mature as young as 16 and others take a lot longer. I know what I was like and tbh I only really matured into my late 20s[/quote]
Definitely. My 18 years old ds is much more mature compared to my 24 year old dd.

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 04/09/2021 13:03

I actually think it's more of a MN thing to deny 18 year old's are adults, rather than the other way around.

There's a balance to be struck. Yes at 18 they won't have their own place and may not have a job. But it's only on MN that I see people genuinely trying to say it's fine for 18 year old's to not show any maturity or emotional intelligence because "they're still a child".

Riapia · 04/09/2021 13:36

The views posted on MN are not necessarily those of the person posting them.
Why is this so difficult to understand.

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