Would you judge a fellow mum using an electric wheelchair?

[WhenShallIShare]

So I use a Powerchair / electric wheelchair for anything more than a couple of mins walking as I have several things wrong with me meaning I get fatigued easily and am prone to fainting.

Anyway, my daughter has her first session at school coming up in which parents are invited to stay for the first 2hrs to get to know teacher, keyworker, lay of the land etc

I’m having a bit of a panic because I’d been planning on us walking (daughter walking, me wheeling on my chair) to school (it’s half a mile but that’s too far for me to walk) but now I’m panicking because I fear I’ll be judged for being disabled. And obviously I’m v v aware of first impressions and all that! The only other option is us driving, there’s a small car park and walking up to the school from there (I’d be able to manage that but not sure how much standing around I’d be able to do).

Basically what I’m asking is, would you judge a fellow mum at the first day of school using an electric wheelchair / Powerchair??

I wouldn't judge at all! As someone else has said though, classrooms can be small and might be hard to get in and out of in a wheelchair. Also for example my DCs school has steps and no lift so you would need to go round a different way to the classrooms. Could you ring the school and discuss your position? They might let you park close to the school in the grounds and help you with a chair to sit down etc.

Judge for what? Of course I wouldn't. If I even thought about it I'd think you weren't doing it for fun.

Anyone that does, is a complete cock.

Absolutely not. I remember when DS was a baby I used to see a mum in a power wheelchair with a baby on her knee, I'd see her around town periodically. The baby got older and I'd see her catching a lift on the chair or walking along side her on reigns and older still she'd be stood on the back riding along. I was always in awe of them, they looked so cool together, having fun, she looked so in control and capable. Fast forward to school and on DS's first day they were in the playground! Took me months to pluck up the courage to chat to her, she was just as cool and lovely as I imagined and whilst we didn't become friends we always stopped for a natter. I never told her how I'd admired her from afar for the best part of 4 years! Didn't want her to think I was a weirdo stalker!

I would not judge you, I'm sad you think anyone would.

I would say be prepared for lots of smiles and offers of help, not because of wheelchair but because of kids...

I hid from mums and schools after being told I wouldn't have children. Today for example I was carrying baby in car seat, holding Dd toddler hand taking her to nursery, carrying papers, Dd bag, another mum rushed over and took stuff from my hand to help. Never seen her before in my life, just smiled and said gosh two little ones let me help. Sounds so simple but was not something I was prepared for, as like you I was worried about people judging me for various silly reasons.

DS has asd and loves him a wheel or a gadget, so I’d mainly be worried you might end up taking an extra kid home You’d certainly hear chapter and verse about your ‘tyres and wheels’! But judge?! Good grief no. What kind of a dick does that?

I wouldn’t judge at all but if you’re going to need a regular chair, I would ring up school in advance and let them know. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to accommodate you but it would be easier for them to have one to hand rather than trying to find one whilst also dealing with all the brand new children. As a PP said, deception chairs are tiny!

No not judgment but possibly sensible to ring the school so they can think about moving chairs or tables for you - or provide you with a seat if standing is an issue
Lots of mums will have pushchairs tho and in my experience primary classrooms are tiny so wheelchair or not it will probably be crowded.
But no no judging

I understand where you're coming from - as someone whose pain and mobility levels really vary. Some people just don't seem to get that you're not permanently using a wheelchair/other aids - they think you're either disabled or (miraculously) cured. I've had grumblings when I've used a wheelchair to go through an airport and then walked through the scanner. I've had colleagues ask if I'm 'cured' now when they see me without any aid.

So the vast majority of people won't judge, a few who have not had the opportunity to mix with someone using a wheelchair before may be awkward about it but not ill-willed, and in any crowd there's always at least 1 idiot.

I use a mobility scooter sometimes when out with my small DS/doing the school run (at other times, a cane).
At first I used to get embarrassed that people seeing us might be thinking stuff like "that disabled woman shouldn't have had a child as she is disabled" - but then I realised that I wasn't going to be friends with people who thought nasty eugenicist stuff like that anyway, so no loss to me if they did, and got on with life.
It has been fine, I've had very little feedback except a couple of comments along the lines of how nicely DS walked alongside it (eg: without running off) when he was a toddler.

I am in a similar situation to you OP. Only I had been taking my older kids to the school for years on foot and later years mainly driving in for my bowel condition. Then last year I had to go back in a powerchair.

People in the main are fine. The staff had been informed before I went and they were great.

A few mums have asked polite "how did the lockdown go for you", type question. Which I deflected by saying fine and asking about them.

A couple of mums were very rude/direct and wanted to know exactly what had happened to me. I was brief, "random neuro condition". I shouldn't have answered but felt on the spot.

I feel my experience was due to changing from me walking to not walking and that I knew a lot of the mums in the playground.

However another mum who joined the school whilst in a chair a couple years back, was accepted as she was and nobody questioned her as far as I know.

Either way you will be fine. Hope your little one settles well at school.

@Edmontine

I’ve never heard of anyone in normal society judging someone for using a wheelchair, OP.

Are you perhaps mixing with some not very nice people? How could this ever be an issue?

@edmontine I use a powerchair. Perfectly normal seeming people will regularly say judegemental things like “but you’re so young!” (Late 30s) and questions why I need it, can’t I manage without it. Why can’t I? Etc etc.

Eh? God, no. I'd wave in solidarity (also have disability, but different one).

Honestly only an absolute prat would judge you, people don't choose to have a disability! I would advise just ringing the school to give them a heads up so they can make sure the rooms are accessible, obviously they should all be built accessible but sometimes if no one needs the space to it gets filled with stuff.