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Original poster

Would you judge a fellow mum using an electric wheelchair?

88 replies

WhenShallIShare · 02/09/2021 19:56

So I use a Powerchair / electric wheelchair for anything more than a couple of mins walking as I have several things wrong with me meaning I get fatigued easily and am prone to fainting.

Anyway, my daughter has her first session at school coming up in which parents are invited to stay for the first 2hrs to get to know teacher, keyworker, lay of the land etc

I’m having a bit of a panic because I’d been planning on us walking (daughter walking, me wheeling on my chair) to school (it’s half a mile but that’s too far for me to walk) but now I’m panicking because I fear I’ll be judged for being disabled. And obviously I’m v v aware of first impressions and all that! The only other option is us driving, there’s a small car park and walking up to the school from there (I’d be able to manage that but not sure how much standing around I’d be able to do).

Basically what I’m asking is, would you judge a fellow mum at the first day of school using an electric wheelchair / Powerchair??

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 02/09/2021 22:39

Love this thread!
I had to use a stick to go into town the other day and thought people might think I was being an utter twat as I don’t usually need one.
That’s on them.
Just because you can get out and take a step or two it doesn’t mean you don’t need the chair.
Do beware of the low chairs in these settings. Can school get an adult sized chair ready for you?

Peanutsandchilli · 02/09/2021 22:44

Of course nobody would judge you. I think you'll get a few curious kids asking why you need the wheelchair, but it won't be judgemental or malicious. They'll probably think it's cool and wonder why they have to walk when your daughter gets to ride on your knee! It might help to break the ice when you meet other parents.

Moonwatcher1234 · 02/09/2021 22:46

@WhenShallIShare

Aw these comments are so lovely thank you so much. I think I feel massively judged because I can simply get out of my chair and walk around a bit then sit back down again and I guess I’m always in fear of someone calling the DWP on me! But you’ve reassured me that yes it’s absolutely fine for me to use my chair to get to the school tomorrow. My plan will be mostly to park it outside the doors (her new class is like it’s own separate building within EYFS and I’ve been reassured it’s all wheelchair accessible) and walk in and then hopefully be able to sit on a regular chair or the floor or something lol.

Oh and my daughter absolutely loves my chair lol, she regularly goes for a ride on my lap when she gets tired.

Wouldn’t think twice about it OP. A couple of mums in my kids school are in electric wheelchairs. I recall one of the mum’s power ran out on her wheelchair going up the hill from school. I had to push her with one hand and my buggy with the other and we had a huge laugh about it all the way.

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General health
Chewi · 02/09/2021 22:50

I've noticed that some people can get very judge if you use a wheelchair and then get out of it. They seem to think you should either be able to walk or completely unable to walk. But that's their problem

Goldbar · 02/09/2021 23:27

No I wouldn't. Because I'm not a complete arsehole.

Do let the school know in advance though so they can make any necessary adjustments to accommodate you.

Clymene · 02/09/2021 23:34

Anyone who thinks someone who uses a wheelchair must be completely unable to walk is just ignorant. And frankly not worthy of your energy

I hope first day goes well. Smile

shinynewapple21 · 02/09/2021 23:38

No. I don't understand why you think people would judge you because you are in a wheelchair?

TheChosenTwo · 02/09/2021 23:43

Oh i’d judge you alright. I’d judge you to be a dedicated mum who’s done her best to make it there for her settling in session.
We have a few parents at our school who use electric wheelchairs, we make sure if there are welcome/open events that the double doors are properly opened and secured back so they will be able to access the school easily and independently.
Have a lovely time, it will mean the world to your dd that you are there for her, I seriously doubt that anyone will be judging you for being able to do a small amount of walking and do you know what? If they do, it’s their own problem. I hope your dd enjoys her day when it comes and that it gives you a bit of a confidence boost, you deserve to be there as much as everyone else. Flowers

Nsky · 02/09/2021 23:50

Of course not.
I knew one mum who drove to school, normally a walk, she had bad ME.
Be bold and answer questions if asked

Comedycook · 02/09/2021 23:58

@shinynewapple21

No. I don't understand why you think people would judge you because you are in a wheelchair?
Neither do I. It's not a character failure or any reflection on you as a person.
Driftingblue · 03/09/2021 00:00

There probably are a few parents who are going to judge you. They are the same parents who judge people for not wearing the right clothes or not saying the right thing or any other way you might not conform. You will never please those people and in my opinion should not bother trying.

You should do what you need to have the energy to support your daughter. Also never count on chairs. There are hardly ever chairs.

flowersmakeitbetter · 03/09/2021 00:09

No, not at all. There could be a multitude of reasons why you need a wheelchair. In some ways I'd feel a bit sad that you'd need to use one but if you are getting on with life, cheerful and bright to everyone, I'd admire you.

swanswallow · 03/09/2021 00:17

Literally not at all. Other than probably 'Ah how lovely' if I saw your DD having a ride on your knee.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2021 00:20

Some people will judge you. Some people are dicks. No one needs those people's approval or friendship. It's useful to identify the dicks early on.

Most people won't judge you or think much of it.

Even if you don't use it tomorrow, surely you will at some point early on and the people in the first paragraph will still judge you and will still be dicks.

Mammyloveswine · 03/09/2021 00:25

What?! Why on earth would you be judged?!!!!

Comedycook · 03/09/2021 00:27

There probably are a few parents who are going to judge you

Judge her in what way though?

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2021 00:28

@Comedycook

There probably are a few parents who are going to judge you

Judge her in what way though?

Does she really need it Is she just lazy Is it because of poor lifestyle choices Is it just so she can get PIP Is ot so she doesn't have to work

Etc. People can be utter arseholes about adults with disabilities where it might not be obvious

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 03/09/2021 00:31

@Comedycook

There probably are a few parents who are going to judge you

Judge her in what way though?

You know, the small-minded people who say things like, "well, you don't look disabled" or question people's entitlement to blue badges (as though they're given out like sweeties and it's really Jeff from number 8 who will be the real judge). There's always those people and one has to be quite charitable not to wish that they'll one day experience some kind of difficulty and realise their behaviour. Just have to ignore them, can't argue with stupid - and thank goodness they seem to be a very small, if irritating, minority!
BritInAus · 03/09/2021 00:40

I follow a wheelchair user called Nina Tame on instagram, she is fabulous (I follow for the fashion mainly) and she talks a lot about becoming a relatively new wheelchair user etc. You might like to follow her :)

Nat6999 · 03/09/2021 00:55

Exh is a wheelchair user due to MS & regularly used his wheelchair when doing school run on access days, nobody commented about it, they were too busy discussing the fact I had left him & was in a new relationship ( it was a Catholic school)

Original poster
WhenShallIShare · 03/09/2021 13:06

Thank you so so much everyone for your positive comments, I can’t tell you how much it means to read them.

To answer your questions as to why would you feel judged it’s a pretty judged world out there when disabled, whether you’re in a wheelchair or not. Blue badges being a prime example. And especially when you’ve got a fluctuating condition like mine when some days are better than others. When you’ve got through the PIP process you end up feeling you have to justify yourself to everyone 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
PumpkinKlNG · 03/09/2021 13:09

I kind of know what you mean, I have an autistic daughter who has no danger awareness, runs off in public runs in roads etc, it’s been suggested to me that I use a wheelchair for her but I worry about being judged as she can walk. I don’t want to get abused and people do abuse people over these things sadly. I wouldn’t want to be accused of anything.

TheStarMachine · 03/09/2021 13:14

It's awful that you feel like you have to justify yourself but I can understand why you feel that way because of the brutal PIP process. A person would have to be pretty ignorant to think that all wheelchair users need them constantly can't walk at all, but unfortunately I know they pipe up every once in a while. I hope you both have a great first session at school!

BeyondShrinks · 03/09/2021 13:15

I'd be a bit silly to judge you, in almost exactly the same position as you! Grin

I totally understand the feeling that others will think you are putting it on, but I promise that most people in the real world arent that awful.

Definitely second the suggestion to give the school a heads up, primary schools really aren't designed with disability in mind. I once almost pulled the Christmas tree over in the school hall when my chair got caught on it... 😬

Plumtree391 · 03/09/2021 13:17

Why would anyone judge you and for what? It's hardly your fault you are disabled and it sounds as though you are doing jolly well.