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Original poster

I am exhausted by my husband's obsessions

67 replies

CryptoWidow · 01/09/2021 22:15

DH has always had something of an addictive personality. He becomes passionately obsessed by things, and it completely consumes him for a short period before burning out and something else eventually taking its place.

The obsessions have often been fairly benign, but intensive in terms of both time and money as usually a lot of kit is bought as this thing is definitely going to change his life and this is what he'll be doing from now on Hmm Off the top of my head there's been obsessions with pottery, coin collecting, rare books, cycling, climbing, butchery, photography, windsurfing, swimming and many many others.

However, his current one is cryptocurrency and NFTs, and he's gone down a complete rabbit hole which is making him unbearable. It's been ongoing for a couple of months now and I have literally heard about nothing else. Even conversations about what our kids are up to will be brought back to crypto, often by way of random tangent, and I certainly haven't had his full attention for a couple of months. He's also staying up to all hours to watch live videos on some new crypto thing in a different time zone or trying to get in on some new project, so he's also tired and vile.

Today he's in a foul mood because he's missed out on some NFT project he wanted in on and so he's stomping around like a moody teen. Don't even get me started on the money that's been sunk into to this.

I'm sure this will also burn itself out like all the other things but fucking hell, I'm fed up with the whole thing.

OP posts:
YourFinestPantaloons · 01/09/2021 22:17

So when he's staying up all hours, our pissing off to do wind surfing/coin shopping/cycling weekends etc I take it you're left with all the childcare and running of the household?

Do you get to have a hobby?

He sounds really fucking selfish TBH

Wallywobbles · 01/09/2021 22:18

I'd be looking to leave your DH. It's not exactly contributing to family life is it? You are all just irrelevant to his life. Sorry. Depressing.

Goldenfan · 01/09/2021 22:18

My daughter is like this. She is autistic. Maybe your dh is too. What does he say when you talk to him about this?

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endofthelinefinally · 01/09/2021 22:20

My first concern would be whether he is risking your savings. Can you make sure he can't empty your bank accounts?

endofthelinefinally · 01/09/2021 22:23

Can you get him to tell you what he has bought, what platform he is using and how he is storing his crypto? There are so many scams around, but it is just possible he may have done it properly and you can retrieve the money.

kt12mum · 01/09/2021 22:24

Sounds like he has ADHD

Original poster
CryptoWidow · 01/09/2021 22:25

I think he probably is on the spectrum, and perhaps this is the reason I tend to be fairly lenient (for want of a better word) as I don't think it's something about himself he could change even if he wanted to.

But yes, general whilst he's fixated on whatever it is that's caught his attention it's me who juggling kids and work and home etc. Eventually it ends and he goes back to husband/father mode, until the next thing starts up and the cycle continues...

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 01/09/2021 22:26

How much family money is he ‘investing’ in this bubble?

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/09/2021 22:28

Yes sounds like ADHD to me as well. Periods of hyperfocus and obsession followed by a couldn’t give a shit anymore and on to the next new thing. Perhaps have him assessed? There is medication and therapy that can help him (which will in turn help you and the relationship).

silentlight · 01/09/2021 22:29

Sounds a bit like ADHD to me too.

TractorAndHeadphones · 01/09/2021 22:29

He sounds like he has ADHD/mild autism however it's not our place to give an armchair diagnosis.
What is obvious however is that you shouldn't be picking up the slack..

You need to hid as much family money as you can or get him oto something else pronto

thenewduchessofhastings · 01/09/2021 22:30

He sounds like my DH.He's currently on a (extremely long) waiting list for an assessment for ADHD.

longcoffeebreak · 01/09/2021 22:36

I have additional can be this way inclined. I also have a horribly addictive personality it's a nightmare. However I'm a single parent so have to battle it!

longcoffeebreak · 01/09/2021 22:37

@longcoffeebreak

I have additional can be this way inclined. I also have a horribly addictive personality it's a nightmare. However I'm a single parent so have to battle it!
I have adhd Grin
Original poster
CryptoWidow · 01/09/2021 22:41

I think an assessment would be helpful, unfortunately he would never agree to it. As draconian as it probably sounds, I do make him speak to a therapist weekly as a condition of our marriage (it was that or split) which has made him easier to live with.

Regarding the money, I can see what he's spending on it and it's affordable, though deeply irritating as I can think of hundreds of things that money would be better spent on.

I feel like I'm going to need quite a lot of wine for the next few weeks of crypto chat...

OP posts:
thenewduchessofhastings · 01/09/2021 22:42

I press "post" too soon.

My DH develop's obsessions with various things jobs,people,pets,vehicles,hobbies etc spends vast amounts of time and money and then gets bored and neglects things until they go away or I have to sort them.

We've had motorbikes that have been ridden once and then then left in a garage to rot;cars that develop issues and get dumped on the driveway (both of which get sold on at massive loss),hobbies he loses interest in and then leaves boxes of equipment taking up room around the house,dogs he's taken on and then dumped the responsibility onto me (we've rehomed 2 such dogs in the last 12 months as I've stood my ground and told him I'm not a kennel maid),he doesn't last more than 3 years in any given job before moving onto a new employer as he always ends up falling out with his superiors but is always hyper focused about work and at one point became so obsessed by 2 friends of his (a married couple) he nearly destroyed our marriage because he couldn't see they were using him and his real with them was unhealthy as hell (but that's another very long story).

Being my DH's wife was exhausting.It wasn't until he finally had some help to manage his behaviours (CBT) that things started to improve.

Garriet · 01/09/2021 22:52

@longcoffeebreak

I have additional can be this way inclined. I also have a horribly addictive personality it's a nightmare. However I'm a single parent so have to battle it!
Similarly I have ADHD and this sort of thing is a constant battle, although I do actually try to win said battle. Sometimes I do.
Smartiepants79 · 01/09/2021 22:55

I would be very wary of the cryptocurrency stuff. Unless you know a lot about it and how it works it’s easy to loose a lot of money.
Like, your whole life savings kind of money.
Watch what he’s putting in very carefully. It’s not really what I’d term a ‘hobby’.

Libraryghost · 01/09/2021 23:01

My Dad is like this. He has had mental health issues and autism seems to be the issue. It runs in our family. It is exhausting and although they don’t mean to be selfish - they are. Every fucking conversation comes back to the same thing. I feel for you op. Sometimes I think I could announce I have a few months left to live and the conversation would still work it’s way back to whatever the current obsession is..No answers I am afraid. I just grit my teeth..

IceLace100 · 01/09/2021 23:11

@thenewduchessofhastings

I press "post" too soon.

My DH develop's obsessions with various things jobs,people,pets,vehicles,hobbies etc spends vast amounts of time and money and then gets bored and neglects things until they go away or I have to sort them.

We've had motorbikes that have been ridden once and then then left in a garage to rot;cars that develop issues and get dumped on the driveway (both of which get sold on at massive loss),hobbies he loses interest in and then leaves boxes of equipment taking up room around the house,dogs he's taken on and then dumped the responsibility onto me (we've rehomed 2 such dogs in the last 12 months as I've stood my ground and told him I'm not a kennel maid),he doesn't last more than 3 years in any given job before moving onto a new employer as he always ends up falling out with his superiors but is always hyper focused about work and at one point became so obsessed by 2 friends of his (a married couple) he nearly destroyed our marriage because he couldn't see they were using him and his real with them was unhealthy as hell (but that's another very long story).

Being my DH's wife was exhausting.It wasn't until he finally had some help to manage his behaviours (CBT) that things started to improve.

You must have the patience of an absolute saint.
Squashpocket · 01/09/2021 23:17

I know everyone here loves a diagnosis, but he just sounds like a typical man to me. Is this not how they all are to some degree.

YerAWizardHarry · 01/09/2021 23:19

Is he ADHD? I’ve recently been diagnosed and have been guilty of this in the past, apparently a very common trait!

YerAWizardHarry · 01/09/2021 23:20

Doh should have read the full thread I’m just repeating other comments

alexdgr8 · 01/09/2021 23:25

i couldn't live with someone like that.
why did you choose him.
is it worth it.
are you a rescuer type.
there is no balance in such a relationship.
you sound like his mother.

RavingAnnie · 01/09/2021 23:26

I was going to say sounds like ADHD too. Does he have other traits?

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