I wish I could start again. Anyone else feel the same?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I'm just no good at life. I wish I could try again.

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

Just finished reading the Midnight Library an hour ago, then came on Mumsnet and found this thread. Coincidence or not?!

OP it's easy to regret how things turned out and wistfully think "if only" and that the grass is greener elsewhere. Especially in this age of social media with so many people purporting to be living their "best lives" online. Maybe some are but probably not all.

Have you read The Midnight Library, OP? It’s fiction but it’s about exactly what you’re feeling. The main character is in a dead end job, estranged from her family and consumed with regret over the choices she made and the opportunities she missed. It’s not great literature but it’s an easy read and might give you a bit of comfort or hope.

You only have this moment. The past doesn't exist anymore andthe future hasn't happened yet so make every moment in the present count. Feel it, welcome it, accept, it's the only thing that is real and it's the only place you can start from. Better have these feelings now that on your deathbed.

Oh gosh, another one who's just read the midnight library.

It was very sweet and really set me thinking.
Highly recommend it to anyone who's feeling like this.

I always think that even if I did things differently, I would probably have still ended up where I am IYSWIM. A bit like sliding doors. She still dumps the boyfriend and meets John Hannah. It just takes slightly longer.

You can spend your time wishing you did things differently or you can spend the time making something different happen.

I’ve had a good life but I’m plagued by the horrible thought that the best is behind me.
That I want to do it all again (well most of it) but better.
I’m surrounded by people in their twenties and I’m so so envious.

@PepsiHoover

I always think that even if I did things differently, I would probably have still ended up where I am IYSWIM. A bit like sliding doors. She still dumps the boyfriend and meets John Hannah. It just takes slightly longer.

You can spend your time wishing you did things differently or you can spend the time making something different happen.

I feel like this too.

I have midnight library! Will start reading. Thanks.

Is Midnight library going to be the next mumsnet cliche?

Spa day
LTB
Get a cleaner
Midnight library

Amazing book though.

There's a quote I've remembered down all the decades:
"If, at that time, you thought it was the right thing to do, then it was the right thing to do."

I think it's more the things I knew were the wrong things to do for me but I done them anyway (usually for someone else's benefit or to keep the peace)

Yes I'd like to go back and do things differently but if I was still the same person I would end up doing the same again so it's pointless to think about really.

Yes I'd do literally everything differently. I would say I have this thought at least every hour or so, sometimes every few minutes, every single day for 15 years. It probably is what I think about the most.

I'm so afraid of failure and I am crap at everything so I'm sure I would have failed. But thing is, I failed anyway. I would have at least had an experience trying.

I try to remind myself that it may seem difficult to change things now, but it will be so much harder 5 or 10 years from now. I may feel old but imagine how young I will feel retrospectively looking back at this age 10 years from now. Unfortunately though I haven't been able to do anything with this knowledge.

Yes I’d go back to my 17 year old self, slap her and say ‘you’re not fucking special get some work done’.

I feel the same too

It's not too late to change course, no matter how far you have gone in the other direction.
Surely, one day living true to yourself is a good day.
Don't live in the past, it's gone. And you say you regret it, even more reason to leave it there!
All you will be doing is dragging the sad story into what may have been a good day.

"The past is a good place to learn from but a terrible place to live"

What a sad post OP

I'm sure we all have regrets, big and small. I certainly do. I regret a choice I made 7 years ago and I have wished hundreds of times for a time machine to take me back to 2014 so I could make the opposite choice. But as that's not going to happen I just have to keep going. It's very hard though so you have my sympathy.

Trouble is..............i dont regret it. It was my happiest and most passionate time,

Struggling like crazy with this feeling at the moment - having a proper mid life crisis. Feel like at every turn I made the wrong choice.

I have regrets, everyone does except my perfect siblings but what about the things you do have? There must be some things you are happy about. Maybe they wouldn't have happened if you hadn't made the bad choices?

I genuinely believe that if we had made what we now think of as the 'right' choices earlier in life, those choices would have enabled us to make other wrong choices at other points. We learn from our mistakes. I do regret a couple of horrendous exes, but I'd probably never have discovered exactly what i wanted from a relationship and met and stayed with DH if I'd not been through the mill with the wrong ones.

I could have gone into the profession I'm currently in straight from uni and risen higher in it, but I had an incredible time penniless in a vocational career for ten years first. I couldn't then find an opening in the new career so ended up having to set up on my own and freelance to get into my current profession - as a result, I earn way more per hour than I would if I'd gone the usual route, and managed to WFH when DC were small. So the wrong career and men choices led to some very happy outcomes. Good choices might have led to other happy outcomes.

For me the main regret is trying too hard, despite doing that my life has been a complete disaster.

It's not always you can't always start afresh or get a second chance

I remember we saw 2 flats - one was larger but almost twice the price of the one we actually bough. The larger one was on the ground floor and was above the block garage so we decided not to go for it. Turned out for the best as we hit the recession, went through 2 fairly long periods of unemployment and I don’t know how we could have managed the mortgage for those chunks of time (the mortgage would have been massive and the stress would have been hideous).

I think this often and have for years but keep reminding myself I'm only in my 30s! Suddenly finding myself with kids and very little free time has acted as a massive motivator so I've been learning in my own time and just got a job again.

I always think of this example when I'm regreting coasting through my early adulthood.

My mother in law left her young marriage with two kids at 23. She didn't think it was enough for her and she worked her arse off getting a degree buying a home remarrying etc. She is wealthy, successful with 4 grandchildren but is utterly utterly miserable.

Her first husband however remarried had two more children stayed in his dead end job and is happy beyond belief. Mil constantly complains about how envious she is dispite having everything on paper and her ex having nothing.

I know what you mean , there is a FOMO I think that is real and social media is a killer for that. Everyone seems to be having a great time. Life has been a bit blah for a while and you do wonder "is that it"
I was envying someone today who has amazing jet set life, proper living the dream and then my phone flashed up the news and I had a word with myself over how very very lucky I am compared to a lot of the world.
I aim to try and create some fun situations, invite people to do things etc , it's just not worked out lately , we shall see

Everyone has some regrets. Am kicking myself for not training in something that suits my personality. I am really not made to be managerial so with a pretty non vocational degree I haven't got far. I would loved to be speech and language therapist or something along those lines. Have looked into it but can't afford to retrain. I also have a big personal regret that weighs heavily on me. However I am so happy with my partner and children so have been extremely lucky, after a pretty awful time from 9 to 18.