I wish I could start again. Anyone else feel the same?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I'm just no good at life. I wish I could try again.

Would have, should have, could have, are self critical friends.. . And don’t help motivation.. I told a priest one day nothing was working out for me that day, he said but look at all the good you did! That help me..

My entire life has been a hideous clusterfuck and were it not for the fact every crappy decision led me to my incredible children, I’d have “opted out” long ago.

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

Read The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.

But yes, I often feel like this. I wish I'd tried harder at school, thought my first degree through a bit more, not wasted time and energy on stupid men, saved more, travelled more etc. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

I was going to say exactly the same thing. Read The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. We have no way of knowing whether different decisions would have led to better outcomes. Different ones, but not better. It's impossible to guess.

All we can do is take stock of where we are, what we really value in life and how to live in a way that is true to our values. And if we don't know, the best moves are to get fit and healthy in our own bodies and minds, to contribute something valuable to our immediate community in some way and to find meaningful work that earns enough to pay the bills. Do those three things and you are already on target for a better life. If there are DC in the mix too, then sorting out a routine each day to make life calm and reliable, and ensuring the family has really good fun together for at least half a day every weekend is a good start.

I feel similar. And agree with a PP, I was apathetic and had no motivations, just drifted.

I have 2 children now, so wouldn't change the things that I would change (if that makes sense) because of them.

I think that once this next period of my life is done (divorce) I'll feel differently.

Up until 4 years ago I had two definite things that I would go back and undo. Situations where I was young stupid and naive.

More recently it's everyday that I'm regretting. Everyday feels as though it's been full of poor decisions and being made to feel worthless.

I keep on trying as I have two beautiful teens and I'm trying to help them navigate through so they remain happy x

Another one here. Lack of confidence in myself, low self esteem, apathetic, too bothered about what others think. So many regrets.

Me, too. I would make different decisions.

@Hobnobsandbroomstick

Read The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.

But yes, I often feel like this. I wish I'd tried harder at school, thought my first degree through a bit more, not wasted time and energy on stupid men, saved more, travelled more etc. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

I came on to say this.

OP you can't change what has been but you can change what is coming. Start small, have a look at what really bothers you in your current life and see how you can think about changing in. There is always a different way. I love watching shows like New Lives in the Wild, not because I want to love like that but because it reminds me there is more than one way to live life.

Decisions made in the past, were probably what you genuinely thought were the best decision at the time. You can’t go back, so it’s pointless. But you can make sure you learn from past decisions so you don’t repeat over & over again.

We all look back on life and think I wish I had done this etc, that’s normal, but dwelling on it has no purpose.

I would love to go back, knowing what I know now, and make totally different decisions. And I would be so much nicer to family members long gone - and some still here.

I would be moving heaven and earth to make big changes if I felt like you op. I have made big mistakes and have regrets, but hasn't everyone? What matters now, having identified you are in a different place to where you would like to be is how you move forward.

You wouldn't be who you are without your history. It is your history that makes you rare and unique - even one that you do not value as much.

Mine isn't big stuff, it's the little stuff. Just feel like I'm always on the sidelines of life. Always the one to leave early for whatever reason.

I'm hugely lucky in many ways and really I need to stop whining. I just want to encourage my kids to live life to the full rather than be afraid of it like I was taught to be.

@DueyCheatemAndHow

Mine isn't big stuff, it's the little stuff. Just feel like I'm always on the sidelines of life. Always the one to leave early for whatever reason.

I'm hugely lucky in many ways and really I need to stop whining. I just want to encourage my kids to live life to the full rather than be afraid of it like I was taught to be.

The only way you can teach them is to live it yourself. The next thing your automatic response is to say no to? Try saying yes. Easy to say, harder to do, but now is when you grab things by the horns.

I'm the same, we had an opportunity to move to rural north Scotland and I cried my eyes out and thought it was the worst and most terrifying thing ever. 10years later and I think my god, why didn't I take it, it was the chance for an amazing adventure! My automatic reaction is the be scared and go "but what if". So more and more now I'm trying to just DO things, and enjoy the experience.

So next month make a plan to do something outside your comfort zone. Take your kids with you on a mini adventure. You might surprise yourself. And if you don't enjoy it, what's the worst that has happened - you've had a miserable weekend. Life will go on!

I have felt exactly like this recently. It was started by a family member telling me I've never had a good job and I'm not bright. If I could go back I would work harder at school and I would have the confidence to go after a career instead of believing I wasn't good enough. I live a good life, but I'm just not a high flyer. If I feel regretful I listen to 'My Next Thirty Years' by Tim McGraw and it makes me smile.

There's a quote I've remembered down all the decades:
"If, at that time, you thought it was the right thing to do, then it was the right thing to do."

@sunshineonroses

I have felt exactly like this recently. It was started by a family member telling me I've never had a good job and I'm not bright. If I could go back I would work harder at school and I would have the confidence to go after a career instead of believing I wasn't good enough. I live a good life, but I'm just not a high flyer. If I feel regretful I listen to 'My Next Thirty Years' by Tim McGraw and it makes me smile.

I think you need to get rid of your family member. That's appalling and totally unacceptable.

I wish I could too. The thought of another 40-odd years of this life is crushing.

@DueyCheatemAndHow

Ita scary isn't it. The one chance to do it.

OP you do - tomorrow is a new day, and every day after that. You might have a good 50 years of new starts ahead of you. You just need to make the choice to take them. And the past doesn't exist anymore, it's just now that counts.

@sunshineonroses

I have felt exactly like this recently. It was started by a family member telling me I've never had a good job and I'm not bright. If I could go back I would work harder at school and I would have the confidence to go after a career instead of believing I wasn't good enough. I live a good life, but I'm just not a high flyer. If I feel regretful I listen to 'My Next Thirty Years' by Tim McGraw and it makes me smile.

Firstly you need to avoid that family member, and then forget the what ifs. Don't waste life on what ifs, go out there and just grab life for everything that it's worth. It's what I do. I have regrets like everyone, but that's part of life and I have a million stories yet to write, and so many great memories, as you do too, or you will if you go out there and find new things to enjoy. Just don't beat yourself up! Enjoy the here and now and feel proud of who you are.

I've done many interesting, wonderful things so far (travel etc) BUT I wish I'd gone to university and I wish I'd had more experience with men, taken more chances because now I look back and see where I'd had opportunities but didn't take them (due to fear and upbringing). It makes me feel sad.

If you live in the past you get depressed.
If you live in the future you get anxiety.

The only thing to do is live in the present.

(That is what I try to tell myself each day)

I'm the same more so with my work. Its all very easy to say you can make the changes today, but being the main earner and on UC to top up the wages. Retraining or starting again just isn't an option. I can't afford the sanctions UC will give me. Its making me very depressed thinking about it too and I'm often in tears about the state of my life, but there really isn't anything I can do. So, for now, I'm stuck in a job which gives me very little satisfaction and that I really don't want to do.

Maybe think about working on self improvement ?
Be proactive.
Often just by changing the way you think can make for a much better way of life.
Our conditioned programming is all wrong, you need to unlearn a lot of things , to see more clearly.

I've just read a great book called The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.
It touches on this as a sort of philosophy (parallel lives)
You might enjoy it @DueyCheatemAndHow

So much I would change... about me, my choices...If only...