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Original poster

Would it be hasty to throw in the towel if we don’t have sex this weekend?

63 replies

Freesssh · 27/08/2021 14:26

5 months in me and DP hadnt had sex. It really bothered me and I told him this. He said he wanted sex but he was stressed with work, now it had become ‘a thing’ and he just needed a bit of time. For context he’s 42 and the last time he had sex he was 34.

I haven’t been happy about this but as work stress has lessened, we’ve been a lot more active in the bedroom. It’s almost like it’s leading up to sex again. I feel like if it doesn’t happen next time we see each other then that’s it for me, but would that be hasty? He said himself last time after a lot of intimacy and oral that he felt we were moving forwards with it all. He’s a bit reclusive and quiet so this isn’t an out of character observation for him to make even though it probably sounds strange to most people.

I love him. Would it be hasty to throw in the towel if we don’t have sex this weekend?

OP posts:
OneAugustNight · 27/08/2021 14:28

Have you ever had sex with him? I can’t work that out from your op.

Blindleadingtheblind · 27/08/2021 14:30

You've been together 5 months and not had sex yet? And he hasn't had sex in 8 years?

Have you asked him what his issue is with sex?

girlmom21 · 27/08/2021 14:30

If it's a deal breaker for you then it's not hasty. 5 months is a long time to wait.

Original poster
Freesssh · 27/08/2021 14:30

@OneAugustNight we had a brief moment of it very early on but not properly, he didn’t finish. Then his work became crazy busy (that part was genuine) and he just went into his shell. There’s definitely nothing weird going on with him seeing anyone else or not able to come during sex, everything else we do is great and has been getting more intimate the last few weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freesssh · 27/08/2021 14:31

@Blindleadingtheblind he doesn’t want sex outside relationships and his last relationship ended when he was 34. We do other things and there’s no issues as far as I can tell. He’s quite shy

OP posts:
WhatsAppening · 27/08/2021 14:33

Oh this has disaster written all over it.

He obviously has a whole mess of issues. Life’s too short. Leave him and have lots of lovely sex with someone who appreciates you.

PandoraP · 27/08/2021 14:34

People generally don’t stop having sex because they are busy at work.

Blindleadingtheblind · 27/08/2021 14:35

Maybe he just isnt all that confident regarding sex. Only you can decide if you want to continue this or not.

Original poster
Freesssh · 27/08/2021 14:35

@PandoraP I know. He’s not your typical man though, quite reclusive and can be shy. A massive worrier.

OP posts:
Blindleadingtheblind · 27/08/2021 14:37

He may just have a very low sex drive. Mine dipped during my last relationship (ex was a twat) and it's taken a long time for it to return.

Original poster
Freesssh · 27/08/2021 14:38

@Blindleadingtheblind not sure about that as he’s very into everything else

OP posts:
RAOK · 27/08/2021 14:38

I wouldn’t have made it this far. Yes you would be more than reasonable to end it after the weekend.

EL8888 · 27/08/2021 14:41

I would chuck in the towel, it shouldn’t be this difficult at this stage. What does he do for work? Brain surgeon? Cute for cancer? Sorting out world peace?! Lots of people have busy stressful jobs

Farwest · 27/08/2021 14:45

You have waited 5 months. He doesn't seem to have openly discussed his issues around sex with you, and he has significant issues around sex.

See, I think that your plan is this: it's taking him a long time to 'warm up' to a sexual relationship, but once he does, we'll be doing it on the regular and all will be fine.

Honestly, that ain't likely, is it? He will continue to have big massive undisclosed issues around sex.

BlowDryRat · 27/08/2021 14:48

DH is a cancer research scientist developing new treatments and I can confirm we still have sex Wink

OP I would be worried that this will become an ongoing issue and you'll end up unhappy with the infrequency of sex. He also sounds like hard work TBH.

WunWun · 27/08/2021 14:50

Have you posted about this before? A lot?

Lockdownpudding · 27/08/2021 14:51

Are you saying you have been intimate sexually but not had piv sex?

WhatsAppening · 27/08/2021 14:52

I bet he’s happy to get a blow job and less happy to reciprocate.

This has closeted gay man written all over it.

Original poster
Freesssh · 27/08/2021 14:53

@Lockdownpudding yes. But only recently increasingly more intimate, to the point where in any other relationship it would be the bit where we now had sex

OP posts:
OneAugustNight · 27/08/2021 14:53

Is this the guy who doesn’t want sex but you keep giving him oral (your phrase)?

Original poster
Freesssh · 27/08/2021 14:54

@WhatsAppening I thought that but he’s definitely not gay

OP posts:
Mamette · 27/08/2021 14:56

I don’t understand the busy with work excuse when you in fact have been sharing a bed and having oral.

Busy at work = low on time? Or busy at work = somehow not having the headspace for sex?? The former doesn’t make sense and the latter is a bit weird imo.

midsomermurderess · 27/08/2021 14:57

WhatsAppening, you are leaping to some entirely unwarranted conclusions, with bizarre certainty.

Blueskyrainshowers · 27/08/2021 14:58

He's got sexual hang ups that's for sure. How happy would you be to continue as you are? I think your answer to that question gives you the answer to your OP.
It doesn't look like you're going to be having regular 'ordinary' sex if you stay in this relationship. If you want regular sex you've got a problem.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/08/2021 14:58

YANBU
I wouldn't have let this go on for 5 dates let alone 5 months. Something very wrong and I would not care enough to wait around and find out what.