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Original poster

Why do people "play" with children by pretending to take their things?

110 replies

Wapawapa · 27/08/2021 13:56

I have a 3 yo
I've noticed that many many people interact with her by pretending to take and keep her belongings.
"This teddy? It's my teddy! I'm going to put it i my bag! I'm taking it as I leave"
Distant family members, our cleaner etc.

Also another way to "engage" with the child is to call something the wrong colour.
"I like your red t-shirt". (Tshirt is Yellow).

Why is this? What's the thinking behind it?

I should add I immediately say to my child "X is only joking, they're not going to take your Teddy". The colour thing I ignore as my child know her colours and just thinks the adults don't know theirs.

Any psychological insight?

OP posts:
cleckheatonwanderer · 27/08/2021 21:33

Because children of a certain age will generally find it funny.

It really is as simple as that.

NiceGerbil · 27/08/2021 21:35

Not RTFT.

I've never had anyone do either of the things the OP said.

I would think they were a bit weird tbh.

If the child get it/ didn't like it etc then I'd tell them to stop.

NiceGerbil · 27/08/2021 21:38

@SunShinesBrightly

How are children are going to build an ounce of resilience if you're offended in their behalf for "I've got your nose" or "where's the teddy gone"

This.

3yo do not need upsetting by adults to 'build resilience' 🙄

And the fact that if they find it funny that's not going to do anything. Indicates that it's positive for adults to upset 3yo in certain ways to breed resilience?!

And how does people taking your stuff and saying it's theirs breed resilience to anything. It just teaches that people can take your stuff and say it's theirs.

Strange thread.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families
ttcissoboring · 27/08/2021 21:38

@SethWho

I think they are trying to make your child laugh. Just let it go.
Geez, this. You have way too much time on your hands OP if this is something that bothers you.
ttcissoboring · 27/08/2021 21:38

@SethWho

I think they are trying to make your child laugh. Just let it go.
Geez, this. You have way too much time on your hands OP if this is something that bothers you.
Changechangychange · 27/08/2021 21:40

@cleckheatonwanderer

Because children of a certain age will generally find it funny.

It really is as simple as that.

They find it funny if it is somebody they already have a close relationship with. They find it funny once they reach “a certain age”

People saying it isn’t funny are parents who have had distant family members, or worse complete fucking randoms on the street, doing it to children far too young to understand the joke, and have ended up with a distraught child and some smug twat claiming your kid can’t take a joke. No, he can’t, he’s two and has no idea who you are or why you’ve grabbed his toy off him.

DS is 4 now, and yes he does find this game funny when DM and DBro do play it. He knows they are being silly. He does not find it funny when some guy in a shop does it, he looks very uneasy and hides behind me. Massive difference.

cleckheatonwanderer · 27/08/2021 21:43

DH and I used to chase DS when he was little, should that be interpreted as something sinister? He thought it was funny but according to a PP this has nothing to do with anything.

Vanuatu · 27/08/2021 21:44

I really dislike adults teasing young children.
There always seems to be a nasty element. Why do you want to upset them?
You can make them laugh in so many ways without this.

NiceGerbil · 27/08/2021 21:48

@Vanuatu

I really dislike adults teasing young children. There always seems to be a nasty element. Why do you want to upset them? You can make them laugh in so many ways without this.
Agree.

It's not a thing in either of our families/ circles.

When I have seen it. It's usually men and it's usually obviously mean spirited.

rubbletrouble · 27/08/2021 21:50

It is weird when adults do the I'm taking your stuff "joke", I am yet to see what the joke is?
I can't see the funny side of that, I understand that it's funny for them to correct adults, this doesn't fall into that, the adult is just taking their stuff.
Yes kids need to learn sharing, this doesn't fall into that
Yes kids need to learn a sense of humour, this doesn't fall into that.

Is it still funny when the kids boots the adult in the shins and says stop taking my shit, as that's really what they should be being taught, ready for the real world, as that's something like what an adult would do.

ChocBeforeCock · 27/08/2021 21:50

No joke or game is ok if it is upsetting or worrying the child, but there is nothing inherently wrong with either of the games mentioned in the OP.

PumpkinKlNG · 27/08/2021 22:19

Oh my god I hate this!

worriedatthemoment · 27/08/2021 22:39

Wow some really precious people on here , there messing around trying to engage your child and most kids find it funny when an adult acts silly
Guess some peoples on here might not as their parents are too fickle

Libraryghost · 27/08/2021 22:45

Howling with laughter at this thread while simultaneously rolling my eye! Bullying? Have a word with yourselves. Our elderly neighbour used to pretend to steal my nose when I was a kid. I promise you I am not psychologically scarred. Don’t be so precious.

PallasStrand · 27/08/2021 22:51

The ‘stealing teddy’ thing is something the terminally unimaginative do when they want to elicit a response from a child, usually the kind of adults who think Jeremy Beadle was funny.

Grumpasaurus · 27/08/2021 23:08

Some people on here really see the worst in people.

DS is almost 5 and still thinks that kind of joke is hilarious as he then gets to correct the grown up... he loves it.

I mean I don't generally introduce my son to dickheads so if those kinds of jokes backfired and he became upset instead of laughing hysterically, I'd like to assume the grown up in question would change tact!

Jesus.

NowEvenBetter · 27/08/2021 23:49

Cool story Library but you don’t police other kids experiences.

Hellotoallmyfans · 27/08/2021 23:56

Stealing something to upset or control your dc is totally different to "hiding" their nose for a bit of fun though. My dcs have only ever reacted to the nose thing by finding it funny. I would never have dreamt of hiding a toy or threatening to get rid of something they love, it's mean.

I do wonder what goes through some parents minds. There was a man on the beach earlier threatening his Dd who was aged around 4 saying "if you run away again il get that man I know to come and hit you with his stick.....right I'm going to call him"etc etc. She didn't seem particularly bothered as I'm sure she's probably learnt by now that there is no man with a stick. But still, I find it very weird.

Blueleah · 28/08/2021 00:11

I can only speak for my own toddler but he finds it highly amusing when I get something wrong, so I often do it on purpose to make him laugh. In return he purposely says the wrong thing himself, then he falls about laughing. Last week he told me repeatedly that my name was Gary and he laughed his socks off. When I said no, my name isn’t Gary, it’s Leah - he laughed even more and said “no you’re Gary!”

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 28/08/2021 00:23

@CampaignToo

My (wonderful) grandad used to persuade us the rules said grandads can go up the snakes. Should someone have called social services?
The fiend!
HunkyPunk · 28/08/2021 00:28

I really think it depends on the child’s personality, how their parents interact with them, even whether they have siblings or not. Some children ‘get’, or are used to, teasing and find it funny, others might not be teased at home or don’t have older siblings, and are confused by adults telling them things which are worrying or patently untrue. I don’t think adults are dicks or bullies just for teasing. They obviously are if they persist when they can see the child is upset or bewildered and obviously not amused.

Guineapigbridge · 28/08/2021 02:11

I don't like teasing humour at all. My husband and his family do though, so I've had to get used to it.
I think it's just a different approach, not sinister.

Bigoldmachine · 28/08/2021 02:31

I think this is really to do with personality. I was (and still am!) a very sensitive soul. I used to HATE this type of thing - there was one particular Uncle Knobhead who used to tease me every time I saw him. In the end I’d cry and hide behind my mum as soon as I saw him. And he still persisted. All the other adults were like “ah he’s just joking isn’t he silly?” But I still remember the feeling to this day. Horrible.

I have a dd who is similarly sensitive. It’s just how she’s wired but I know she’d react the same way. Not the yellow is blue or trousers are a hat stuff - she finds that hilarious- but if anyone tried to steal her special bunny - her comfort toy really - she would be very upset. She hates it when grown ups laugh (good naturedly) at something she gets wrong in a cute way. I used to hate that too. It’s that feeling of everyone laughing at you but you’re not in on the joke.

I also have a DS. He’s still a toddler but I KNOW he won’t react like this when he’s older. His personality is just different and not much seems to bother him.

I would guess people saying it’s no big deal have personalities like my DS.

Kanaloa · 28/08/2021 02:40

I don’t think it’s necessarily a power game. It depends on it the child is upset. Obviously if you say I’m going to take your toy then they appear upset/worried then you shouldn’t continue and should remember it for the future.

However, some kids genuinely find things like this funny. I think it’s a bit over the top to say an adult calling a red t-shirt yellow is being awful - usually it’s an opportunity for the child to laugh and say no it’s not silly.

Anycrispsleft · 28/08/2021 08:38

@3court

This is about giving the child a chance to point out errors and a innocent lovely interaction. How narcissistic must one be to think your child is so central in other peoples minds that they want to play mind games with them. How are children are going to build an ounce of resilience if you're offended in their behalf for "I've got your nose" or "where's the teddy gone".
"As if you're even important enough to want to play mind games with" isn't an attitude that would convince me of the adult's fitness to be around kids tbh