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Original poster

Why do people "play" with children by pretending to take their things?

110 replies

Wapawapa · 27/08/2021 13:56

I have a 3 yo
I've noticed that many many people interact with her by pretending to take and keep her belongings.
"This teddy? It's my teddy! I'm going to put it i my bag! I'm taking it as I leave"
Distant family members, our cleaner etc.

Also another way to "engage" with the child is to call something the wrong colour.
"I like your red t-shirt". (Tshirt is Yellow).

Why is this? What's the thinking behind it?

I should add I immediately say to my child "X is only joking, they're not going to take your Teddy". The colour thing I ignore as my child know her colours and just thinks the adults don't know theirs.

Any psychological insight?

OP posts:
Blindleadingtheblind · 27/08/2021 14:42

It's just a way of making a joke in a childlike manner. Children love visual comedy and if they can see something is wrong they will point it out especially if it's done in a light hearted humourous way. An adult putting clothes on wrong etc is funny to a child. Same with labelling colours wrong in a silly way. Some of you need to lighten up, I doubt any child has been traumatised by playful banter of this sort.

Bigoldmachine · 27/08/2021 14:43

Yeah it’s very different pretending trousers are a hat (funny, makes the adult look ridiculous) to pretending to steal the child’s teddy (what’s funny about that? How does the kid know they’re not really stealing it?)

UserStillatLarge · 27/08/2021 14:45

They do it because they want the child to point out their "mistake" and make the child feel that they know more than the adult.

Do you also feel that "hide and seek" is also an awful game because the adult deliberately hides from the child?

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Blindleadingtheblind · 27/08/2021 14:49

Do they actually steal and hide it out of sight of the child or do they just jest with something "oh I like you're teddy, can i have it?" In a jokey way. But not actually take it away? I somehow fail to see multiple people pretending to steal a teddy from a child and going as far as to take it/hide it making the child think they aren't getting it back.

SoftSheen · 27/08/2021 14:50

A small child who has just learned their colours will often enjoy pointing out Grandad/Auntie's 'mistake' and will find it funny. Ditto pretending to think that a 3 year old must be at least 7 etc.

However, taking children's things and refusing to give them back is not funny, IMO.

Bigoldmachine · 27/08/2021 14:50

@UserStillatLarge yes but hide and seek is a game with actual rules and is predictable, child knows where they stand and what is going to happen.

Taking the kids teddy bear - just mean!

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 27/08/2021 14:50

It depends. Adults getting things wrong can be a funny game for kids, but only if the child is old enough / confident enough to get the joke. Like a pp says, the adult should be the butt of the joke, not the child

Taking a child's teddy is a bit dickish though. Especially if (as a pp mentioned) they only give it back in exchange for a kiss - that's just wrong.

SoftSheen · 27/08/2021 14:52

Bigoldmachine

I used to sometimes persuade my 2/3 year olds to get dressed by pretending to help them and get things wrong e.g. trousers on head, socks on hands. They found it hilarious.

lochmaree · 27/08/2021 14:53

my FIL pretended to steal some custard from my 18m olds bowl, DS didn't find it funny, and didn't want to sit next to him at any more mealtimes. Still doesn't a few months later!

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 27/08/2021 14:55

@fizbosshoes

One of my earliest memories is my dad reading a story (that we knew off by heart but couldnt actually read) and deliberately getting all the characters or words wrong and we used to shout over and say "no daddy you've got it wrong"

What about peekaboo.lots of adults do that to children and babies to make them laugh. Is there a sinister motive behind it??Confused

Yes, my dad used to do this too. He'd also sing children's songs with the wrong lyrics too. We'd correct him, he'd pretend to get it, and then sing it wrong again - it was a running silly joke, lots of hilarity!
Bimblybomeyelash · 27/08/2021 14:56

I tend to roll my eyes inwardly when this happens in my family. My kids don’t hate it but the adult concerned does it because they like being the centre of attention and They want the children to laugh at them. They want the children to adore them but they can’t actually be arsed to play their (admittedly boring) games with them, they just want to put on a performance for a few minutes and then for the kids to bugger off and entertain themselves. Then they act all offended when the kids prefer the family members who sit down and play with them.

sqirrelfriends · 27/08/2021 15:00

Fil contradicts DS on everything, then refuses to acknowledge that DS was correct which in turn makes him really upset and frustrated. When I pipe up to tell DS that he is right, I get told I'm no fun and a "spoil sport".

The old man can fuck off as far as Im concerned, he once "stole" DS's nose and refused to give it back, the arsehole.

CampaignToo · 27/08/2021 15:00

I don't think i've ever experienced someone threatening to take child's teddy.

The colour thing make the child laugh and gives them an opportunity to show off their knowledge. "No silly Grandad it's yellow".

I've never heard anything so ridiculous as the suggestion it's about control. Any adult has control over a 3yo, they don't need to work at it.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 27/08/2021 15:03

The colour thing is surely an attempt to be funny and make the child laugh?

CampaignToo · 27/08/2021 15:03

The old man can fuck off as far as Im concerned, he once "stole" DS's nose and refused to give it back, the arsehole.

It's not original, my gamdad did this in the 1970s and I'm going to guess he learned it from his grandad. No child believes grandad's got his nose, surely? My grandad was far from an arsehole, possibly my favourite person ever.

MedusasBadHairDay · 27/08/2021 15:04

Eh, I spent yesterday afternoon with a cuddly toy Olaf balanced on my head as I'd told DD that I was going to keep him and use him as a hat, she thought it was the funniest thing ever and was enjoying squealing at me while getting to jump up and try to reach it. She was very unimpressed when I eventually had to stop.

Both of my kids have loved variations of that game since they were little. Obviously if the kids don't like it then it would be a dick move (and mean) to force it, but IME a lot of kids do find it funny and enjoy interacting with adults that way. Bit weird to condemn it entirely.

IntermittentParps · 27/08/2021 15:05

In my experience little children find adults getting things wrong hilarious, putting on sunglasses on to go out in the rain or a brolly up in the shine, putting a coat on upside down....that sort of thing.

I agree with this.
Taking a toy and refusing to give it back until the child gives them a kiss is crewed-up though and I would slap that down immediately.

SunShinesBrightly · 27/08/2021 15:05

@Usual2usual

ffs seriously people are just joking around, DH always pretends that DD's trousers are a hat....she knows they are not a hat....she loves shouting at him about how silly he is (well she is 5 now and getting a bit eye rollish but she loved it at 3 lol).

Its fun.

Exactly this!

My Grandad used to pretend my things were his! ‘My hat, my teddy, my ice cream’. I knew they weren’t his - he was teasing me and making me laugh. I knew he didn’t want my stuff. I miss his silliness!

Blueskyrainshowers · 27/08/2021 15:08

I had a relative that used to do that sort of thing to me when I was a child. I hated it as I knew it was meant to be funny but I didn't find it so. I felt the pressure was on to say the right (funny) thing back, or be laughed at and accused of not having a sense of humour.

3court · 27/08/2021 15:09

This is about giving the child a chance to point out errors and a innocent lovely interaction. How narcissistic must one be to think your child is so central in other peoples minds that they want to play mind games with them.
How are children are going to build an ounce of resilience if you're offended in their behalf for "I've got your nose" or "where's the teddy gone".

Hemingwaycat · 27/08/2021 15:10

My 2 year old thoroughly enjoys adults getting things wrong and he absolutely loves to correct us. Examples of this will be ‘oh I love your badger shirt DS’ and he will giggle and say ‘it’s a bear, silly!’. He loves it, I don’t think I’m abusing him Hmm.

Tal45 · 27/08/2021 15:10

@Clymene

Most 3 year olds wouldn't think that was funny, nor do they know their colours well enough to correct the adult. It's funny if the joke is on the adult. If the joke's on the kid, it's not.
Children should definitely learn their colours by 3, they start school at 4!!

I remember my ds going to the toilet with dh at a cafe when he was 3 and my mum hiding his chocolate brownie. When he came back we pretended not to notice and his eyes were like saucers wondering where it had gone. Was very funny.

GunsNShips · 27/08/2021 15:11

@sqirrelfriends

Fil contradicts DS on everything, then refuses to acknowledge that DS was correct which in turn makes him really upset and frustrated. When I pipe up to tell DS that he is right, I get told I'm no fun and a "spoil sport".

The old man can fuck off as far as Im concerned, he once "stole" DS's nose and refused to give it back, the arsehole.

Are you taking the piss with the second paragraph?! I’d like to think it was sarcastic, but the first paragraph makes me think not?
CampaignToo · 27/08/2021 15:12

My (wonderful) grandad used to persuade us the rules said grandads can go up the snakes. Should someone have called social services?

sqirrelfriends · 27/08/2021 15:13

@CampaignToo

The old man can fuck off as far as Im concerned, he once "stole" DS's nose and refused to give it back, the arsehole.

It's not original, my gamdad did this in the 1970s and I'm going to guess he learned it from his grandad. No child believes grandad's got his nose, surely? My grandad was far from an arsehole, possibly my favourite person ever.

Yeah DS was 18m at the time and legitimately thought that grandad has his nose, he was crying which Fil thought was hilarious.

I agree it can be fun for the kids to play these kind of games, but maybe give it a break if they get upset.

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