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Original poster

Why do people "play" with children by pretending to take their things?

110 replies

Wapawapa · 27/08/2021 13:56

I have a 3 yo
I've noticed that many many people interact with her by pretending to take and keep her belongings.
"This teddy? It's my teddy! I'm going to put it i my bag! I'm taking it as I leave"
Distant family members, our cleaner etc.

Also another way to "engage" with the child is to call something the wrong colour.
"I like your red t-shirt". (Tshirt is Yellow).

Why is this? What's the thinking behind it?

I should add I immediately say to my child "X is only joking, they're not going to take your Teddy". The colour thing I ignore as my child know her colours and just thinks the adults don't know theirs.

Any psychological insight?

OP posts:
Blueskyrainshowers · 27/08/2021 15:13

@3court

This is about giving the child a chance to point out errors and a innocent lovely interaction. How narcissistic must one be to think your child is so central in other peoples minds that they want to play mind games with them. How are children are going to build an ounce of resilience if you're offended in their behalf for "I've got your nose" or "where's the teddy gone".
I think timing is crucial. Keeping it going too long and I would have found it upsetting. Sometimes 'grandad' or whoever it is keeps it going too long, and misses cues that child is getting upset. A lot to be said for keeping an eye on the body language. I don't like being teased as an adult. I cam handle it, and give as good as I get, but I think there are better ways of raising a laugh.
SunShinesBrightly · 27/08/2021 15:14

How are children are going to build an ounce of resilience if you're offended in their behalf for "I've got your nose" or "where's the teddy gone"

This.

Original poster
Wapawapa · 27/08/2021 15:25

This thread took off fast! It's interesting to hear views on both sides.
The colour mixing up thing is something I personally find irritating - mainly because it's so stupid and my DM does it every bloody time we talk on zoom and my DD doesn't really know what to say after the first few goes. I want to scream "just ask her about nursery or something".
The taking Teddy I really don't like. It has happened a few times. The person/people genuinely do pick up the toy and hold it against their chest and act like it's theirs. Weird.

I remembered another one my DM has done. Pretended to mix up meal times. Eg said dinner was breakfast. My DD is still figuring out meal times so that was really confusing for her. I just ignored DM and said "this is breakfast sweetie, we have cornflakes for breakfast, then we'll do lunch and dinner will be after that"

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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3 year olds Families
user1745 · 27/08/2021 15:28

I think those kinds of games can be ok, but it depends on whether the child is enjoying it, understands that it's a joke and is able to stop it when they've had enough. It's much like tickling - it's fun if everyone's enjoying it, but it's cruel to tickle a child who doesn't want it and ignore them when they say no.

I remember being teased in that kind of way as a child. The man was asking if I wanted to play with a particular toy, I would say yes, he would pretend not to hear me or pretend he heard me say no, and ask me again, so I kept having to say yes. I still remember the feeling of powerlessness and frustration. Writing this as an adult it feels so minor but it didn't feel minor as a child. He didn't stop until a family member saw I was getting upset and intervened.

professionalcockney · 27/08/2021 15:42

Probably the most bonkers thread I've read on mumsnet 🤦‍♀️

Brighterblighter · 27/08/2021 16:00

Interesting, fil did this with dd like banging football on her head... Close range.. Then Mil said she was pretending when hurt Confused

Then he would take something and tease her to grab it then hide it..

TheAverageUser · 27/08/2021 16:00

Kids learn possession super early so it's taking that and showing sharing. Is this yours or mine? Can I have it? It's give and take.

Plus kids find it funny, I don't think it's nefarious.

Brighterblighter · 27/08/2021 16:00

I'm sure some people do this stuff innocrntky but fil is a power crazed king of the prats

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/08/2021 16:02

The way you describe the Teddy play sounds scary or anxiety inducing for your lo. Those people were way off the mark. The way some other people describe laughing along with the child is fun. Games like this have to be child centric with the adult and child in on the act for it to work.

Blindleadingtheblind · 27/08/2021 16:07

Ah ok op, I can't get worked up about a well meaning adult pretending the teddy is their by holding it close to their chest. Its just an innocent interaction between a child and someone who cares about them. If the child was getting worked up that would be different.

Teamfemale · 27/08/2021 16:21

I find it really interesting how posters have interpreted OP post tbh!

Playing hide and seek - Yay!
Putting trousers on your head - Yay!

Pretending to steal or take a childs teddy/toy leaving them confused or upset for shits and giggles - fuck no/awkward/embarrasing

I wonder how many people on this thread actually do the 'lets steal favourite teddy 'joke' Grin

Bunnycat101 · 27/08/2021 16:25

Mine love it when grownups make errors. They would both go apeshit if someone took their special teddies though. B or C list cuddly toys they’d been fine with. They’re special ones are theirs. We have had lots of angst when they have taken each other’s. My 2yo knows full well it’ll make the 5yo deeply pissed off but sometimes does it anyway. I’d expect an adult to know better if the child doesn’t like it.

Flatdisco · 27/08/2021 16:28

I mainly see this with men. I think part of it is because they don't know how to interact with kids. I also wonder if they realise to a very small child this type of light making fun can actually be quite mean.

Flatdisco · 27/08/2021 16:30

@Usual2usual

ffs seriously people are just joking around, DH always pretends that DD's trousers are a hat....she knows they are not a hat....she loves shouting at him about how silly he is (well she is 5 now and getting a bit eye rollish but she loved it at 3 lol).

Its fun.

That's not the same thing
AndytheUnicorn · 27/08/2021 16:33

Yaaawn! Most of the time it’s an object and a way to engage with a child the adult doesn’t know very well. Most children know it’s a game/ find it hilarious. Most adults stop if the child doesn’t respond by laughing hysterically.

Please relax.

georgarina · 27/08/2021 16:42

Only thing I don't like is stuff like tickling/dunking when swimming. My dad was very big on this when we were kids - I would actually be screaming No and he would still tickle me until I felt sick/pick me up and throw me underwater. Gentle teasing is fine.

Usual2usual · 27/08/2021 16:51

To everyone saying my post about the trousers/hat is not the same thing....did you read the bit about the tshirt colour in the OP? Or just the first bit and then get in such rage about an adult pretending to steal a kids teddy that you missed the rest......

RiaOverTheRainbow · 27/08/2021 17:09

If "I'm keeping your teddy" is said in a joking tone the majority of small children will recognise it as a joke and laugh uproariously. If your dd is upset and people carry on then yes, they're dicks, but there's nothing wrong with trying to make a kid laugh Hmm

Clymene · 27/08/2021 17:11

@RiaOverTheRainbow

If "I'm keeping your teddy" is said in a joking tone the majority of small children will recognise it as a joke and laugh uproariously. If your dd is upset and people carry on then yes, they're dicks, but there's nothing wrong with trying to make a kid laugh Hmm
Why is it funny? Confused

If I said I was taking something of yours that you really value, would you think that was hilarious?

PleasantBirthday · 27/08/2021 17:18

I mean, I see why you don't like it but this kind of teasing is a part of society and they will encounter it and will have to handle it. You can maintain that they shouldn't have to, but you don't want your kid to be the one that doesn't understand the joke or that you just play along because that's the sociable thing to do.

To my mind, family members playing a low stakes game like this can help children to develop some resilience and flexibility. And they need it.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 27/08/2021 17:23

People have said that they're going to keep my dog or an item of clothing, yes. It's a compliment and a joke.

Adelino · 27/08/2021 18:33

I probably wouldn't find it that funny. But then I also don't find Peppa Pig particularly funny or entertaining.

Most children find this sort of humour hilarious.
"Don't be silly grandpa, it's my teddy bear. You're a grown up silly you don't play with toys" etc.
Most of the time when people do these silly jokes thd kids laugh and enjoy it, so they do the same joke again the next time they see a kid. Because most adults actually want to make children laugh, not cry.

amusedbush · 27/08/2021 20:19

Personally, I feel like the people who would find the ‘I’m taking your teddy’ bit funny are the same people who think it’s hilarious to drive the car forward a few feet every time someone tries to open the passenger door. It gives me strong Uncle Knobhead vibes 😬

Deadringer · 27/08/2021 21:07

I think it's a form of old fashioned jokey teasing that is designed to discourage children from being 'sensitive', that harks back to a time when being sensitive was seen as a big negetive. I suppose in harsher times being sensitive probably was a huge drawback. Some children enjoy it, many don't.

Namechangeforthis88 · 27/08/2021 21:21

This morning my 12 year old was delighted to beat me at getting dressed. Sometimes the old ones really are the best ones.