Completely and utterly exhausted with my life

[opalescent]

I don’t know whether it’s the summer holidays that has tipped the balance. Or getting a dog. Or both. But I just feel completely and utterly saturated with life right now.

I love my family so much. I love my job. I love my dog. But as a whole, I honestly fantasise about running away.

It’s the constant, constant noise. Kids arguing. Loud tv. Bloody YouTube blaring out of devices. Sleep deprivation. The constantly meeting others needs. Someone always, always wants something from me. Whether it’s my kids, husband, parents, friends, extended family, colleagues. Constant messages, WhatsApp, visits, phone calls. All minor, normal, pleasant interactions on their own. But I feel constantly in demand, and just wrung dry. I feel like I can’t wait until a different phase of my life, when my kids are older, but don’t want to wish my life away.

I love my husband so much, but I have nothing left to give him at the end of each day.

The constant never ending cycles of tasks, housework, budgeting, cooking, planning, organising, illnesses and associated washing/ changing childcare arrangements.

I’m so tired and just want some peace.

Please tell me I’m not alone in feeling like this.

Why on earth did you add a dog to your workload!?

It does feel endless. Will you get any time for yourself when kids go back to school?
Does your DH do his share of the tedious life admin?

You’re not alone!!!

I often think of that saying “you cannot pour from an empty cup” and that’s basically been me this year. Sucked dry between the kids, work, housework etc etc. Don’t get me wrong, my life is a charmed one. I have a lovely family, great job with colleagues I actively like, a nice house etc but I am tired. I think it’s been all the constant juggling of everything starting with sodding home schooling while trying to also hold down a job and cook meals, housework - all at the same time.

I’ve decided I need to be a little bit selfish. So I’m consciously not answering work requests at the drop of a hat and I’m taking time to go and do some exercise 4 x a week and occasionally sit on the sofa and read a book, ignoring the piles of toys, laundry and washing up that await my attention. Perhaps there are some things that will help you to prioritise too?

@SpacePotato I know. She is absolutely gorgeous though, and very easy relatively speaking! Plus, the kids adore her, and get so much out of having her.
My (possibly naive) dream is of lovely long walks with her, where I can get the headspace I need.
I guess I'm playing the long game on that one!

I feel exactly the same. I have no advice but all I can say is you aren't alone

@FlatStanletta @DueyCheatemAndHow sorry to hear you are both feeling the same. I do think about ringfencing maybe a day a month, to be completely alone!! But not sure how much difference that would make? I don't feel I can fit in anything regular like gym or yoga at the moment. It's generally 10pm before both my kids are settled and asleep, every day, earlier in term time.

I'm with you. The noise. 2 small children. More animals. No husband. Well, he exists but no longer together.

It's hard. I got annoyed with the poor cat oast night when I cane down from putting the DC to bed, because she asked for food and was rubbing round my legs. (I didn't do ir say anything, I fed her and stroked her but it was just another bloody thing to do when I just wanted 5 minutes). So then i felt bad and sat down with her on my lap for an hour. Didn't do the washing g up, tidying etc. So there's that.

@opalescent I feel the same way as you, can totally relate. It’s the endless list of things I have to do for everyone else that’s exhausting me. Like you, I’ve nothing left to give at the end of each day and just about muster up the energy to move my fingers and have a quick scroll of mumsnet before hitting the bed.

I also fantasise about when the kids will be older and independent and not need me as much. When that happens I’ll probably sit and reminisce about my current state of affairs but hey ho that’s life!

Sometimes the only time I get to catch a breath is literally when I’m sat on the toilet. That’s really the only time I get to be at one with my thoughts and take a deep breath.

I don’t have much advice, except you aren’t alone in this. Loads of us feeling utterly done for.

My kids are a bit older (12 & 8) and it does get better, promise! They take themselves off to play upstairs now and don't cause quite so much mess. They do bicker but it's not for long.

Puppies are blooming hard work. I'm on teacher hols and am dreading going back next week and getting back into clubs, activities, work, blah blah and still having to sort the dog out. My kids are often going to bed same time as me (or later) and during term time I feel like I have no headspace or time to myself. Fingers crossed walks help them sleep better too!

I've got myself a cleaner once a week to save some sanity. It helps. I'm also spending some time batch cooking ready for the onslaught of a new term.

Hugs. I totally, totally understand.

You need to start saying no and have some some time for just yourself and do just what you want, otherwise you'll burn out.

Why can’t you go on these long walks, headphones in? What is stopping you ? If your husband is in the home, Saturday or Sunday morning just get up and go. Take your phone for music or podcast but put it on airplane mode. Have a coffee and cake on your way back. Carve out the time.

Can you ringfence Saturday mornings 9-12 as your away time?

Get up early, get the first train to the nearest town, daydream, have a coffee somewhere, go to a gallery, library, browse shops, go for a swim, cinema

ANYTHING

stop doing so much for everyone.

Nothing bad will happen if you just put yourself first. They'll figure it out! Leave cereal on counter, let them do what they want.

Just tell them you'll be out tomorrow 9-12 and GO!

Never apologise, never explain.

Yup relate. It'll be better when the kids are back at school. Delegate stuff as much as poss, make the kids do stuff! And insist on some quiet time with no devices for a portion of each day.

Also how old are your kids? 10pm is absolutely bonkers. If they’re in primary it should be hours earlier, for your own sanity. If older leave them to it, can they not go in their rooms after a shower or whatever and entertain themselves even if it’s only for an hour.

Also - I have a friend who does EVERYTHING for her kids and has done for years. They're now the cheekiest kids I have ever met, can't do anything for themselves, no initiative to find solutions to the simplest things (eg will leave a car door open on the street without being told to CLOSE THE DOOR)

kids need to find their independence sometime

I bet your husband doesn't feel like you do. So start again, with a 50/50 split of everything including the thinking/organising in advance and relationship management with family and friends.

Re noise - make everyone wear headphones.

Also u need to start saying to yourself on your way home from work what you are going to do that evening FOR YOURSELF.

So home, have a cuppa in the garden, chill for 15 mins, chat to the kids, have dinner,

Don't start complaining as soon as you're home. Just.sit.down. Watch telly for half hour. Cuddle your kids!

Have meals prepped in freezer for DH to stick in oven if he's home before you etc

Declutter everything in your home too in the next month so there is literally less stuff to look at/tidy/trip over

My kids are older (14&11 both in high-school this time!) But, my god I remember feeling exactly like you!
I once stood there on a Sunday afternoon ironing for 4 hours....and burst into tears that I didn't have any time for myself before work on Monday morning! The kids and husband stared at me blankly and just said why bother ironing then, we don't care! I must admit I carried on for a bit longer BUT if anyone wants anything ironed now they can do it themselves.
My point is, how much of what you are doing do you have to do and how much of it is because you feel you have to do it?
We have 2 dogs for example, the kids are equally responsible for walking them (I seem to remember they were very eager to get them as puppies so they are now given responsibility for them, husband didn't want dogs but now loves them and walks them as well!)
The eldest dc can cook full meals etc, if I am busy he makes lunch for himself and his sister (she helps).
Both children can work the hoover so both have chores.
You need to start delegating now otherwise you will be the mother of teenagers and still be feeling like this. Hope you get some time to yourself soon!

Also one night I’d do a Charlie Bingham or Cook fancy ready meal. Literally a stick in oven job, plus maybe a steam bag of veg in microwave. We do this one night and do takeout or a carvery or pub tea one weekend night too. Planning and cooking 7 nights is a faff. If you can afford it it makes life easier.

I’m kind of the opposite from you and I felt like you during term time (as I work term time only) and have felt much better during the holidays just for being able to get out of the bloody house! DS is older though so needs me less. There’s only a few days left of the holidays though and I’ve no idea what I’m returning to but if it’s WFH, then I know I’m about to slide right down hill again. That coupled with suffering from SAD and winter coming 😭. I “know” you from the puppy threads and trust me, in a few weeks it’ll start to get easier. Dog walks are a highlight of my day now 🥰 and of course, when they’re tired out, they sleep better.

Its sounds just like my life but I have just had 2 holidays in the 6 weeks to distress have you been able to get away or are you due a break.

I feel just like you op. You are not alone.

I am working from home today, the noise is making it impossible. I am trying to stay on top of the housework, food shopping and laundry and the it is relentless. Relentless. I am organised, very organised and yet it is still back breaking.

I think it is the summer holidays (too long) combined with the long lockdowns. I simply don't have the reserves I would normally have to be the fun parent I usually am. I have so little energy left.

Can you go on holiday (with a kids club or childcare) and have a break? That definitely helped, but didn't last
Can you get some more support/help at home?
Can you book a day a fortnight/month just for you?

I have taken to turning off my phone for longer periods that really helped when I finally managed to convince myself I wasn't missing anything 'urgent'. I have a landline if someone desperately needs to make contact. Keeping the news off. Doing only the basics only. Saying no and not taking on anyone else's problems for now. There is no more room at the inn so to speak.

My kids are currently fighting whilst I try to work DP is hanging out the washing and they are bugging me to get involved!!

Snap

a tween and a teen plus dogs full time job and a dh who works nights.

Oh and bloody demanding awkward in laws this week and last week was my parents.

It's the constant messages drop off pick ups organising of literally everything blah blah and also trying to work a full time job with an asshole boss.

I've had a bad cold for ten days so not got out but I normally try to do an early morning walk with podcast on my own but even trying to find the time to do that for myself has been impossible. It's a joke.

I'm always needed for something or someone and it's draining.

Trying to get teen to be organised enough to not miss busses and trains meaning I have to do emergency pick ups etc is driving me to distraction as well so it's been a hard summer.

No time off work thanks to bastard boss so I've been flat out and no signs of it slowing down yet

Minus the dog, I could of written your post. Sorry I have no advice but you are not alone.

Feel the same and my DSs are twenties and more than pull their weight! I think life feels generally relentless at the moment but things will pick up. the dog will more than pay back the investment made now. Things will get better