Completely and utterly exhausted with my life

[opalescent]

I don’t know whether it’s the summer holidays that has tipped the balance. Or getting a dog. Or both. But I just feel completely and utterly saturated with life right now.

I love my family so much. I love my job. I love my dog. But as a whole, I honestly fantasise about running away.

It’s the constant, constant noise. Kids arguing. Loud tv. Bloody YouTube blaring out of devices. Sleep deprivation. The constantly meeting others needs. Someone always, always wants something from me. Whether it’s my kids, husband, parents, friends, extended family, colleagues. Constant messages, WhatsApp, visits, phone calls. All minor, normal, pleasant interactions on their own. But I feel constantly in demand, and just wrung dry. I feel like I can’t wait until a different phase of my life, when my kids are older, but don’t want to wish my life away.

I love my husband so much, but I have nothing left to give him at the end of each day.

The constant never ending cycles of tasks, housework, budgeting, cooking, planning, organising, illnesses and associated washing/ changing childcare arrangements.

I’m so tired and just want some peace.

Please tell me I’m not alone in feeling like this.

@BrilliantBetty

I don't know if you, like me, have a DH who manages to have a hobby and goes for a 'boys' drink at the pub once every few weeks. I have decided recently that every time he does a few hours out of an afternoon or evening, I take the exact same amount of time the following day (must be immediate or it gets forgotten about). Sometimes I just sit by myself somewhere, or see a friend.

It has done me the world of good as I was getting so annoyed with him.
And he has reduced the amount of time he spends on his hobby. It's much fairer.

This is genius! And really obvious if you think about it, but I didn't! It should become a Mumsnet "law"

I hope you initiate your own outings every once in a while too.

Bravo though for making sure you get equal down time as your DH. So many women let this slide.

Where is your DH in all this? You haven't said whether he shares the load or not.

When mine were younger I would often go for evening walks with the dog and insist nobody could come with me - it sounds like you need a daily break to get your breath rather than a day once a month. Could you leave him to it for an hour in the evenings?

@InvincibleInvisibility @opalescent it's the cood decisions that I hate too. I really detest cooking especially as nobody in our house likes the same thing so it's a complete pain. DH and I have Gousto for 3 days a week when the DC eat at nursery and childminder. Friday night is pizza leaving 3 nights to concoct something.

Yes to the decidion fatigue.
Especially with trying to remember the mutually compatible combination that both DCs and DH will eat. I used to eat so well and varied, now I struggle on how to fill a week.

At 8 & 10 mine are improving but DS1 has high functioning autism and dyspraxia so in some ways it's like herding a much younger child with the added twist of him trying to have an in depth discussion about Cold War Military strategy at the same time. I can put DS2 in sports clubs, and do so which at least shifts the dynamic to a 1:1 day which is mutually beneficial, but I get little break from him.

My me time is usually their school time, but I lost 6.5 months of that in the past 18m. Plus many of the things I do to feed my soul have been Covided out, things like running races... my next one is October and there's been so many cancellations. My annual event away has hit 2 full lockdowns.
I fantasise about yoga retreats!

Ah I needed this thread. I have a 4 year old and a 6 week old and I feel exactly the same. 'D'H thinks he's wonderful but in reality does fuck all compared to what I do and has spent so much time this week on his stupid hobbies that I've decided I'm going to show him as much interest as he shows me and and the kids ie very little. Not that he would notice. Even if he was around he wouldn't show any initiative anyway, he would never think to actually do something with DS. DS is very high energy and always wants to be out doing something or wants me to chat to him and watch him constantly and I've found myself getting snappy at the 20th 'mum look!' Which isn't fair, it's not his fault. Poor kid.

@Anothermountain

Thank you. Yes it has really changed things for the better, so far. It's done me the world of good and I'll be keeping it up (for now).

I am less resentful and I have more time to do what I want.

I will have three hours tomorrow for example, as DH has gone to the pub this afternoon and will be watching a football match with a friend and having lunch while I take the kids somewhere. I don't think he is overjoyed about the new arrangement but fair is fair.

I feel you op, I could have written this. No real advice to add but please know you are definitely not alone

This afternoon I just sat and cried. You def are not alone OP x

Could you put your phone in another room during the day and only check it at night? Or, as another poster has suggested, delete WhatsApp?

Could you employ a cleaner or helper a few hours per week? It really helps to reduce stress and overwhelm (and cheaper than a divorce or breakdown).

Could you get up early Saturday morning with the dog and just GO. I'm a big fan of don't ask, don't explain. You're allowed time, so just go. The world won't end if you're not there to hold it all together.

Aww mine are all grown up in their 20s and now I miss it all. I’m sure I felt exactly the same as you at the time but I reminisce about the school hols and how much I liked having them around (I really did like the holidays) I can remember it seeming endless and often tedious. But now I miss it, I miss them playing outside and playing with the Lego and the endless repeats of their favourite films.
It seems intense and then it gets a bit easier and then they are all grown up and independent and it seems so quick. My Dd is 28 today and now lives in Canada.
It’s really hard when they’re young and days seem endless and monotonous but it’s actually quite a small period of time when you look back. It’s actually making me a bit tearful, but probably not the most helpful post!

I've just read the OP but absolutely.
To get time to myself I stay up too late which is counter productive.
I have recently been able to take annual leave while kids are at school and dh is working and it made me realise I need to do it more often. All I did was have a very long walk whilst listening to some music but just having 2 hours where nothing was required of me was total bliss.

I recognise that feeling. You actually must take time for yourself, or you'll burn out.

Please do three things:
– Drop any of these demands that someone else could handle: delegate within the family, encourage DC to be self sufficient, avoid needy friends who never return the compliment.
– Take up some activity or hobby that gets you out of the house away from the lot of them for at least three hours a week. Fitness classes or running club are good.
– Get help. Ask for it. Everyone else asks for your support. Who supports you? Think who could help you, from neighbours and friends to GP, therapists, physical trainers, life coaches, religious leaders etc. Seek support form someone at least once a week.

Honestly, without making some small changes you will be wrung dry very soon.

Sit down with your partner and decide how you budget to split responsibilities so only one of you works outside the home and the other works at home, doing the hone related work. I’m joking but hearing all the women on this thread makes me wonder where we’ve gone wrong.

@DueyCheatemAndHow I'm sorry to hear that 😔💐.
Fantastic suggestions all. Love the idea of using some annual leave to have time alone (if I have any bloody left by the end of the holidays!!.

Also seriously, seriously considering deleting WhatsApp

I think we're all feeling like this, in this last week of the summer holidays. It's all been crap this year. No chance of escaping!

I'm counting the days till school restarts.

I've got a 13yo and an 18yo and it's still non-stop laundry, meals, etc. But you do definitely get more time to yourself. But then you feel lonely...