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Original poster

Is there something wrong with me as a mother?

64 replies

JustWondering9 · 24/08/2021 12:04

I have a 1 year old son. I love him very much.

Our childminder is on a 2 week holiday at the moment.

My partner took last week off work and I'm taking this week off work to look after our son.

Last week when it was my partners week he took my son for two days to see a dear friend of ours that lives 3 hours away by the seaside. I was completely fine with that as I completely trust my partner and I was happy for him that he could go for a nice "holiday" while I was working.

My heart was aching when I saw the car driving off as it was the first time being separate from my son and I was very worried whilst they were driving and I was only able to go to sleep once I knew they arrived safely.

During their stay there we video chatted frequently and I received lots of lovely pictures and video.

I have to admit once I knew they were safe there and had a good time I wasn't suffering. I enjoyed having a good night's sleep and being able to watch what I wanted on Netflix. Being able to take long, uninterrupted showers.

Our neighbours have now asked me at least three times how I was able to do that.

"How did you cope because mothers never want to be separate from their child"?

"How did you feel doing this?"

"Were you okay with this?"

I'm really wondering now if there's something wrong with me and if I'm a bad mother? x

OP posts:
AphroditeGoddessOfLove · 24/08/2021 12:09

Your neighbours are being a bit tone deaf. There's nothing wrong with you. You're entitled to enjoy some alone time! They wouldn't ask your husband the same questions if it was the other way around 🙄

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 24/08/2021 12:10

You're not a bad mother, you're human.

You knew he was safe, he was with his dad. You had nothing to worry about, so you didn't.

Peace becomes a very infrequent thing with toddlers, take any enjoy every opportunity.

Ds is 2 and stays alternately every few weeks over night with my parents and my inlaws since he was 11 months, dh and I relish the night off.

poullou · 24/08/2021 12:11

No, No and flipping No, you are not a bad mother.

It is completely normal to enjoy time alone, free from responsibility. That's all you were doing.

Competitive mothering is my biggest irritation.

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Families
DowntonCrabby · 24/08/2021 12:12

Your neighbours are weird and to bang on about it sounds as though they’re projecting some insecurities of their own.

Alternista · 24/08/2021 12:12

God no! I’d absolutely love that 😂

audweb · 24/08/2021 12:13

There’s nothing wrong with feeing relaxed that your child is with their dad (or family member/close friend) and having fun and you’re having a break.

I am a lone parent. Believe me, I cope fine when her dad occasionally has her, or when she’s with family and I have time to myself.

Stormyequine · 24/08/2021 12:15

Of course you are not a bad mother. I'm similar in that I have always been happy to leave DC if they are safe, and particularly if they are with their other parent. Worrying in that situation would be completely pointless.

coldsandinsleepingbags · 24/08/2021 12:16

There is definitely nothing wrong with you as a mother! Your neighbours are being weird and annoying and clearly very much projecting their own insecurities/judgements to you very thoughtlessly. I went away for a hen weekend when my DD was just nearly 1. It was my first time away from her. I both missed her and felt a bit anxious being away from her but also loved the space and freedom (and undisturbed sleep!) I had lacked over the previous 12 months. I very much relate to what you describe. I find it very weird when people seem so concerned about a young child spending time with their father. They are their parent. People are strange!

candycane222 · 24/08/2021 12:17

Your neighbours are weird, not you!!

Mushtullo · 24/08/2021 12:23

Have your neighbours met any actual mothers?

youngestisapsycho · 24/08/2021 12:32

weird neighbours! my DDs were taken away every year by their grandparents.... I couldn't wait for them to go and have a nice relaxing week to myself!

GhostRyder · 24/08/2021 12:37

These neighbours sound nosy and rude of this is the sort of stuff they are asking you. I absolutely love when my partner takes our child out, in fact I wish he would do it more often and for longer periods of time.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a little bit of you time. As long as your child is safe with someone you trust what’s the issue?

SavoyCabbage · 24/08/2021 12:59

That's really weird! He was with his own father. It sounds like good old fashioned sexism to be.

RedMarauder · 24/08/2021 13:05

I hope you enjoyed your relaxing break!

I'm currently on mine though I'm still WFH.

Oh and your neighbours are weird.

Ihaveoflate · 24/08/2021 13:09

I would weep with joy if my husband took our 2 year old away for a couple of days. I think this is completely normal.

Your neighbours are projecting some unhealthy need to believe mothers should be subsumed by their children.

HangingChads · 24/08/2021 13:12

You are a normal, wonderful mother Smile your DC is very lucky!

Neverrains · 24/08/2021 13:14

How odd. I don’t personally know any parents who would be in bits at their 1 year old going away with their other parent for 2 days. It wasn’t 2 weeks!!
DH took mine to Spain for a week to see his parents when they were 3 and 1, they all had a great time and I had time to catch up on sleep and read some books!

Imcatmum · 24/08/2021 13:46

Weird! You'd have to be a bit unhealthily absorbed in your children to be unable to enjoy yourself for a short period of time while they are safe and well with the other parent!

I LOVE to get 12hrs or more totally away from the kids. I think about them and feel more love when separated, but I THOROUGHLY enjoy myself and revel in the freedom.

thisplaceisweird · 24/08/2021 13:49

They sound old school and out of touch.

You're lucky - you and your husband are a team, and can take equal responsibility of your child. It should be the norm, but it's not and it never has been. You should very proud of yourself for being a brilliant mum and marrying a man who is a brilliant dad!

Tal45 · 24/08/2021 14:38

Very old fashioned to think that parenting is a mothers thing and that dad can't take lo away and have a wonderful time without her for a couple of days. If you'd take him away without your DH they probably wouldn't have batted an eyelid - very sexist!!

Usual2usual · 24/08/2021 14:47

I"m so jealous.

You are perfectly normal, I think its weird when mothers are unable to be apart from their children even when they are perfectly safe with another parent.

BeauxRingarde · 24/08/2021 14:49

"How did you cope because mothers never want to be separate from their child"?

I would have laughed in their faces at this. No dear, MARTYRS never want to be seperated from their child. No MOTHERS.

Originally · 24/08/2021 14:50

Your neighbours are a bit thick.

Deadringer · 24/08/2021 15:10

Your neighbours are nuts. You are a person, with wants and needs, not just a mother, and you sound like a great mum to me. I adore my dc and i love spending time with them, but i also love spending time doing my own thing.

Spudlet · 24/08/2021 15:11

Your neighbours are weirdos 🤷‍♀️

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