Reporting a sexual assault (TW)

[howdoireport]

GP has urged me to consider doing this; the thought absolutely terrifies me .

I was sexually assaulted several years ago by my colleague .
He was/is (I’m not sure if he still is) a doctor, I worked with him but I ended up being his patient when he rotated to a different specialism . Whilst he was treating me he sexually assaulted me . I’ve never been able to call it that but gave the details to Dr just now on the phone and her reaction told me everything, she was horrified and wants me to call the police .

She’s also said she wants me to get counselling/therapy specific to the issue and said as well that I could contact rape crisis .

My heads swimming, I’ve only ever told two other people - one (my therapist) by writing it down, the other is a very close friend . I don’t remember telling the friend - she told me I did the week after it happened, she said it took her an hour to calm me down .

GP said she would back me up if I phone police, my therapist has said she would too but I’m scared I would be accused of lying or something . Can I just tell them what happened and leave it there, it wouldn’t have to go as far as a court or something?

Bump, sorry

Just bumping for evening crowd . Am wavering over phoning Rape Crisis as GP suggested . I keep going over and over the event in my head and trying to work out if I’m remembering it wrongly . If I report and I had it all wrong and he did nothing wrong ... but GP said by my description he did something awful . She said the fact that my friend corroborated my story, and I remember telling a mutual colleague that she should avoid him, makes her think something definitely did happen .

I am so sorry this happened to you. Please report them so they don't do it to anyone else. People want to help you x

What was it that happened?

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You need to do what's best for you, but it might help bring you some sort of closure if you do report it. It might be helpful to talk it over with rape crises who could advise you on the potential outcomes.

Two professional people believe you, don’t doubt anything. He’s in a role he can easily do this again.
Report, take the first step and let the others follow 💐

Do you remember accurately what happened?

I can thoroughly recommend Rape Crisis, I've just had some amazing support from them for historical issues. They will be able to guide you through reporting to the police, this is exactly the sort of thing they are there for.

I'm so sorry you have been through this. You can email RC if you're struggling to phone. I found it quite a scary prospect but once I was talking to the woman on the phone it was no problem.

Please do not feel any pressure to tell anyone on this thread details of what was done to you, it's no-one's business.

Definitely talk to Rape Crisis. They will help you and will be very supportive.

@Imnewhere1991

Do you remember accurately what happened?

Im scared of to giving too much details but I needed an intimate examination when unwell and in severe pain - he repeatedly did something inappropriate and that there would be zero medical justification for. He told me he didn’t know what he was doing and that I was weird and that’s why he did it .

I think he did something wrong as the student chaperoning asked him to stop and she took over . She said after he left that she was really sorry, she wasn’t sure what happened there, and she would back me up if I went further.

He could have made a mistake but my GP said she doesn’t think so . Friend said same - she’s also medically trained - said she doesn’t believe it was a mistake . Therapist said same . She said she wondered if the verbal stuff was to make me feel I did something wrong instead .

It sounds so silly as it’s such a small thing but it plays on my mind; I worked with him, I thought he was strange working with him, I should have known . I should have done something but I didn’t.

I’m terrified of going to the police in case they think I’m lying; or looking for attention of some sort . It’s been churning over and over all day .

I keep panicking about it, I’m almost wishing I hadn’t told GP but she said I did right thing, she said same she’s concerned this isn’t the first time but others may not have come forward.

I will ring Rape Crisis, I don’t think I’m going to settle easily tonight without speaking to someone . GP was exceptionally kind on the phone thankfully, she was on the phone half an hour .

The chaperone should have reported it, from the sound of it.

OP, if he will do that in a room with a chaperone, god knows what else he's capable of.

Please think about reporting him.

It would be relatively easy to see whether he's still practising as a doctor. Could you ask your friend to find that out? I'm sure you wouldn't want to do that research.

@HollowTalk

It would be relatively easy to see whether he's still practising as a doctor. Could you ask your friend to find that out? I'm sure you wouldn't want to do that research.

I don’t know his name unfortunately; I was always only a band 2, we were only ever given surnames or nicknames for the doctors . I can picture him clearly and can remember what we called him but can’t remember his name . My friend asked that as well, what his name was, said she’d ask around but I don’t think I ever knew.

The fact that the student took over and said she'd back you up says a lot.

I hate to say it but if he did this with a chaperone I'd dread to think what he'd do unobserved.

This man took advantage of you. He assaulted you. He was in a trusted position and he abused that.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Please report this so this man cannot do this again.

But won't his name be attached to the treatment or whatever it was you had?

@HollowTalk

But won't his name be attached to the treatment or whatever it was you had?

I suppose it would be yes, so if I went ahead and took it further they could access it on my notes .

I had an appt with GP last night for a very similar examination, she was so lovely and patient last night that when she rang this morning to check I was OK I just ended up telling her everything, she believed me instantly . Will try phoning rape crisis maybe tomorrow night and see what they say .

I'm so sorry and so glad that everyone has believed you immediately.

Hi OP

I’m sorry that this happened to you. I believe you.
Two years ago I was sexually assaulted (not vaginally) - sexual touching and he wrapped himself around me so I couldn’t move) by a doctor.
I can tell you more if you want to contact me privately.
Here’s the short version:
I reported him to the hospital (I delayed by a few months because I was traumatised and had other family stuff going on).
The hospital didn’t believe me.
But.. the GMC investigated (did nothing but I’ve recently submitted a review request on new evidence).
I went to the police - I initially made an online report and then was interviewed etc. They didn’t prosecute but.. the officer believed me (he did challenge me so he didn’t just lap up my story) and he was tough but robust and interviewed the doctor.
On the basis of the police’s input and a private expert report on the fucking trauma I’ve endured mentally the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority accepted my account and awarded me Compensation.
I am now taking legal action against the Trust and the ombudsman is investigating the hospital. I hope the GMC reopens the case.
My assault wasn’t as intrusive as yours sounds.
Please don’t doubt yourself.
Please ask for help from your GP.
You need psychological support and some good care.
I’m here if you need to talk.
My journey has been torture but I’d never go back to before I reported it. Never.

Hey OP.
I'm so sorry this happened to you - and so very glad that you've been believed.

I was also sexually assaulted when I was ill getting an examination by a doctor. It actually happened on more than one occasion by different doctors in different hospitals (not U.K.) - which I feel makes it hard for me to be believed. Similar to you, I ended up telling another doctor who was aghast at what had happened previously. There are definitely men who go through all that study just to have intimate access to women. It definitely happens. You are not alone.

These doctors should be prosecuted as one of the worst type of sexual predator there are.

However, it is not your responsibility to make that happen. First you need to take care of yourself. You can check the procedure for reporting (probably with rape crisis), if you like, but you should feel no obligation to report. Going through the legal process can be extremely emotionally taxing and you should only consider it if you want to, not because you feel anybody thinks you should. Yes he may have done it before or after, but that's a) his choice and b) the system not sufficiently preventing it. Maybe other people are at fault yo, but you most definitely have no responsibility in this situation, other than to yourself.

@Blue4YOU

Hi OP

I’m sorry that this happened to you. I believe you.
Two years ago I was sexually assaulted (not vaginally) - sexual touching and he wrapped himself around me so I couldn’t move) by a doctor.
I can tell you more if you want to contact me privately.
Here’s the short version:
I reported him to the hospital (I delayed by a few months because I was traumatised and had other family stuff going on).
The hospital didn’t believe me.
But.. the GMC investigated (did nothing but I’ve recently submitted a review request on new evidence).
I went to the police - I initially made an online report and then was interviewed etc. They didn’t prosecute but.. the officer believed me (he did challenge me so he didn’t just lap up my story) and he was tough but robust and interviewed the doctor.
On the basis of the police’s input and a private expert report on the fucking trauma I’ve endured mentally the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority accepted my account and awarded me Compensation.
I am now taking legal action against the Trust and the ombudsman is investigating the hospital. I hope the GMC reopens the case.
My assault wasn’t as intrusive as yours sounds.
Please don’t doubt yourself.
Please ask for help from your GP.
You need psychological support and some good care.
I’m here if you need to talk.
My journey has been torture but I’d never go back to before I reported it. Never.

Thank you, so so very much (and to other posters too ofc) . I’m so sorry this has happened to you and others too .

Yes to trauma, it’s horrible, there were other problems not sexual assault happening (I was long term gynae patient) and have horrendous difficulties now . It all plays on my mind all the time .

I keep going back over and over it in my head and trying to work out if I remembered it right . I complained to the hospital at the time and I’ve found that letter on my emails, what I’m remembering matches to that email though I don’t think I gave them full details .

I keep thinking if I say something they can say it’s my word against his, but I don’t know . I remember feeling horrendous in hospital after . I’ve been examined by other doctors many; many times and I’ve never been touched in that manner before or since . GP said this morning there would be no reason or justification for it - said at best seriously incompetent as a doctor and should be struck off, but said at worst he was acting deliberately and should be charged.

I’ll send you an inbox tomorrow but thank you so much .

Please do OP.
I’m here to support you.
It’s tough to report but the most important thing is that you get help and support.
I didn’t.
I’ve had private EMDR therapy but every single Authority figure has hindered rather than helped me.
I still don’t regret reporting.
I even know the doctor is still doing what he did to me to another woman but as I don’t know her name I can’t help her.
I think about it most of the day almost every day.
I really hope we can help you!

@Blue4YOU @daretodenim @Orgasmagorical

I spoke to a lovely lady last night via Rape Crisis; she was lovely and explained what would happen if I chose to report - she said she would give it a few months as various circumstances in my life are a bit up and down just now,
I’m moving house for uni next month etc, so changing GP, finishing current course of therapy, and all that comes with that too .

She said they would be more than happy to talk and listen and support; that police would be a very big step and that they’d want my mental health in the best possible place first . I think I will eventually tell the police, but think I will give it a couple of months at least first . She said I can access my body back for eg smears and support in that regard, and said they’re trying to train doctors and nurses in trauma informed care too - was impressed when I said how GP handled it and said she must have gone through additional training that’s obviously sunk in .

EMDR therapy was suggested yesterday too .

She was lovely, I think I remember contacting rape crisis once before but think I kept hanging up as I wasn’t sure they could help . I’ve saved their number for future; and she said there’s offices I can go to see someone in person too if I wanted .

If I could, what I would do is contact police and ask them to take a statement and hold it in case other reports come through but Rape Crisis said it’s a doctor; the police might say if they have efficient evidence that this individual would need prosecuted to prevent further .

It all sounds so silly; he didn’t rape me but I was ill, in pain and I was vulnerable and I was trusting him to help me and instead he violated me by touching me inappropriately, several times over several minutes whilst I was physically/mentally unable to stop him and he knew I was ill, very frightened (because I was aware of urgency of situation - I had 2 litres in my bladder) and in a hell of a lot of pain . He should never have touched me where he did, he had no reason to, but he kept saying he didn’t know what he was doing . He must have done . I’ve worked with patients, I’ve carried out intimate procedures, i was a band 2 FGS and I knew anatomy and that - he was a fully trained qualified doctor, of course he knew what he was doing .

Op it does not sound silly. We don’t need to be raped to be traumatised. Society would have us believe that we are only sexually assaulted if we are dragged into a bush and violently raped.
It suits people to think we should and can just “get over it”.
Well done on speaking to rape crisis. Take your time with what you do next. Look after yourself.
And EMDR helped me immensely (I need to go back for more but that’s another story).

@Blue4YOU

Op it does not sound silly. We don’t need to be raped to be traumatised. Society would have us believe that we are only sexually assaulted if we are dragged into a bush and violently raped. It suits people to think we should and can just “get over it”. Well done on speaking to rape crisis. Take your time with what you do next. Look after yourself. And EMDR helped me immensely (I need to go back for more but that’s another story).

Thank you so much ❤️

Going into town shortly for a coffee with my sister, hopefully that will buy me some headspace for a bit - I was awake for hours last night going over and over it all .