Reporting a sexual assault (TW)

[howdoireport]

GP has urged me to consider doing this; the thought absolutely terrifies me .

I was sexually assaulted several years ago by my colleague .
He was/is (I’m not sure if he still is) a doctor, I worked with him but I ended up being his patient when he rotated to a different specialism . Whilst he was treating me he sexually assaulted me . I’ve never been able to call it that but gave the details to Dr just now on the phone and her reaction told me everything, she was horrified and wants me to call the police .

She’s also said she wants me to get counselling/therapy specific to the issue and said as well that I could contact rape crisis .

My heads swimming, I’ve only ever told two other people - one (my therapist) by writing it down, the other is a very close friend . I don’t remember telling the friend - she told me I did the week after it happened, she said it took her an hour to calm me down .

GP said she would back me up if I phone police, my therapist has said she would too but I’m scared I would be accused of lying or something . Can I just tell them what happened and leave it there, it wouldn’t have to go as far as a court or something?

I know exactly what that’s like (thinking on repeat).
Have a relaxing day

Well done, howdoireport, that is a big step but such a good one. I found with some of the things I had to do it felt like they had been ticked off a list (that I didn't know existed) once I'd done them.

As Blue said, take your time to process what you've discussed with RC and what you want to do to go forward when the time is right for you. You've got a lot going on just now, it's not surprising your head's so full. I hope you have a nice get together with your sister and the change of thoughts for a wee while will give you some breathing space

Blue it's bad enough what you went through but I can't imagine what it's like having to live with the fact that no action has been taken to stop him from carrying on . Much respect to you for carrying on with the legal action. I hope at the very least he is stopped from doing it again.

daretodenim for you too. I was not surprised to read "There are definitely men who go through all that study just to have intimate access to women. It definitely happens". Many abusive people take jobs that will give them kudos too, it can help to cover their tracks but also gives them the admiration they crave.

I don't understand - what does he mean, he didn't know what he was doing?

@HollowTalk

I don't understand - what does he mean, he didn't know what he was doing?

He said as he was examining, ‘I’ve absolutely no idea what I’m doing here, I’ve no idea what I’m looking at - isn’t your body strange’ - I think I remember asking the student what he meant and what was so strange - I remember her saying there was nothing wrong with me . I had surgery down there but GP said on Monday there was/is nothing remarkable or odd about my body and I’m perfectly normal .

He was always a bit odd with my patients . I remember a couple of colleagues didn’t fully trust his judgement on things - he seemed utterly clueless about most aspects of our ward but you got doctors like that every so often anyway . I wish I had the confidence to ask if they can remember his name .

I had a good time in town ❤️, sat in a lovely coffee shop for a bit . Good to do something different . I think it will settle in my head in a couple of days . I’m glad I talked to GP and RC but it’s exhausted me !

Thanks so much it helps so much being able to talk it through on here

I wish I had the confidence to ask if they can remember his name

That might come when you're further down the line.

Good to hear you had a good day out

We're always here

I am so sorry this happened to you, you are very brave for having told the GP and spoken to Rape Crisis.

Lots of really good advice on here OP. One thing that you maybe should do now before going further is get a copy of your hospital medical notes by doing a subject access request. It should have his name in the notes relating to the examination and that of the student chaperone should also be there too.

@Choconuttolata

I am so sorry this happened to you, you are very brave for having told the GP and spoken to Rape Crisis.

Lots of really good advice on here OP. One thing that you maybe should do now before going further is get a copy of your hospital medical notes by doing a subject access request. It should have his name in the notes relating to the examination and that of the student chaperone should also be there too.

Thank you , yes RC and GP said that would be possible too if I went to police, there would be a way to find out that information . I’m scared to ask myself in case I read things I can’t cope with . If there was a way to access with someone I trust reading them with me that might help .

Thank you @Orgasmagorical

it all sounds so silly

It really doesn’t. It sounds awful. Another medical professional stepped in because they knew it was wrong. We all believe you and we don’t doubt for a second the trauma that this assault has caused you.

I’m scared to ask myself in case I read things I can’t cope with . If there was a way to access with someone I trust reading them with me that might help

I think if you do access support from RC they would be able to help you with that.

I hope you had a better sleep last night

I am so sorry that this happened to you; and share others' concerns about what he might do to others, especially unchaperoned.

Very mild in comparison, but a consultant who was examining me for bowel problems was palpating my abdomen and then ran his hands over my breasts - wholly unnecessary and inappropriate.

Did I say anything? No - I was married to a doctor and it could have caused him lots of difficulty. I wish I had told him to bog off, and reported him. But my experience in reporting a doctor (negligence on this occasion) is that they close ranks - sickening.

Bloody hell, Mischance

@Mischance

I am so sorry that this happened to you; and share others' concerns about what he might do to others, especially unchaperoned.

Very mild in comparison, but a consultant who was examining me for bowel problems was palpating my abdomen and then ran his hands over my breasts - wholly unnecessary and inappropriate.

Did I say anything? No - I was married to a doctor and it could have caused him lots of difficulty. I wish I had told him to bog off, and reported him. But my experience in reporting a doctor (negligence on this occasion) is that they close ranks - sickening.

Oh that’s awful

Yes there’s a culture of that . That you don’t tell on your colleagues . I work for the NHS still, was first thing I asked Rape crisis if I could be sacked for reporting and she said no, absolutely not .

My friend got in touch earlier and said when I’m ready I might well go to the police, but I don’t have to do that right now, that there will be a paper trail with names/dates/details - they’d be able to see that several things corroborate it (if that’s the right words) . I think I will take on the support rape crisis offer too though, am glad I’ve got their phone line I can call for help too .

Have you named him? Because the GP should be reporting him as a safeguarding measure.

I am sorry you had this experience.

@EyebeIbewe

Have you named him? Because the GP should be reporting him as a safeguarding measure.

I am sorry you had this experience.

I haven’t, no - I don’t remember his name . I remember a nickname and scoured through sections of gmc register the other night online to see if I could match that name on anyone on there but I can’t . Friend said they will have a record on the system with his name and the student’s too - they said there’ll be a record of her chaperoning .

I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing but did advance searches in my old username . I found posts from that year stating exactly the same story I gave GP . I’ve been telling myself since Tuesday that I’ve got it wrong and I’ve made it up for attention or something.... I haven’t, I can’t have, it happened . Every post I’d written it was the same story, reading them I remember it . Oh God .

As difficult as that is for you to see it's good that you posted then, it's like a diary entry. If nothing else it's helpful to know that it's not your imaginings, that much can be straight in your head

@Orgasmagorical

As difficult as that is for you to see it's good that you posted then, it's like a diary entry. If nothing else it's helpful to know that it's not your imaginings, that much can be straight in your head

Yes - sunk in that I was right, the story I told GP was accurate. I remember it a lot more clearly now . Therapist is phoning me back on Tuesday . I wonder if I write it down again - what I remember - if it will help me . Need something to take it out of my head at least .

I found writing stuff down very helpful, as you say it takes it out of your head. Also if you find yourself lying awake thinking about it you could mentally put it in a box and put it to one side and say "I'll think about that at 3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon". It sometimes works but the thing I found made such a huge difference was the counselling from RC.

@Orgasmagorical

I found writing stuff down very helpful, as you say it takes it out of your head. Also if you find yourself lying awake thinking about it you could mentally put it in a box and put it to one side and say "I'll think about that at 3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon". It sometimes works but the thing I found made such a huge difference was the counselling from RC.

It does help doesn’t it . I ended up writing down exactly what happened (basically what I think I’d eventually tell the police) and have just sent that over to therapist . I feel a bit sending to her as what I’ve written is very blunt - ie exactly what I remember - but said to her if she’s OK to read then she’ll be able to tell me it if she would go to police too ... if that makes sense . Stop me from going over and over and trying to work out if I’m misinterpreting it . I’ve got OCD in the background and I think that’s just latched on to it . endless bloody questioning myself.

Have also stuck e consult into GP surgery asking if they can increase my antidepressant for a bit .

I think the reason it’s upset me so much is because I’ve had hundreds of problems with downstairs for years, lots of traumatic appointments but I could always put that down to bad practice, incompetence or lack of caring or something - never put it down to someone being deliberately horrible or getting something out of it .

I feel physically sick at the thought that he might have come into a room where I was ill, frightened and deliberately taken advantage of that . I feel awful - I remember when he walked in I froze in my mind as I didn’t want him anywhere near me, and yet I was so bloody ill I would have taken the bloody cleaner if they’d offered to help me . I was relieved someone was listening, I remember thinking oh thank God ...

I wish I hadn’t spoke to GP in some ways as this was all locked away quite firmly at the back of my mind - she said it’s better to have talked and that she was proud of me for telling her, which is nice but it’s me that’s then left with it .

I’m so so glad RC counselling helped you, they said same to me that they could offer support and I could take them up on it anytime

I wish I hadn’t spoke to GP in some ways as this was all locked away quite firmly at the back of my mind

I know what you mean. My issue was historical and I only contacted RC to ask if what I was thinking was right and no thanks I didn't need any more help. The lovely lady on the phone just carried on chatting and by the end of that call I had signed up for support.

I too thought I should have just kept it all hidden away but I would have always been wondering and the difference I feel now, not just about the rapes, but about so many things in my life that were connected to them, show me just how much it all needed dealing with.

You were taken advantage of at a time when you were most vulnerable. I think help coming to terms with that will do you good. Well done for speaking out as much as you have already, I hope as time goes on you'll be able to access support from RC and that they will help you to process it and you'll be able to live with it more calmly

@Orgasmagorical

I wish I hadn’t spoke to GP in some ways as this was all locked away quite firmly at the back of my mind

I know what you mean. My issue was historical and I only contacted RC to ask if what I was thinking was right and no thanks I didn't need any more help. The lovely lady on the phone just carried on chatting and by the end of that call I had signed up for support.

I too thought I should have just kept it all hidden away but I would have always been wondering and the difference I feel now, not just about the rapes, but about so many things in my life that were connected to them, show me just how much it all needed dealing with.

You were taken advantage of at a time when you were most vulnerable. I think help coming to terms with that will do you good. Well done for speaking out as much as you have already, I hope as time goes on you'll be able to access support from RC and that they will help you to process it and you'll be able to live with it more calmly

thank you so so much, you’ve no idea how much it helps to talk on here .

I think definitely RC will be the way to go … I ended up phoning breathing space (Scottish mental health helpline) earlier and they advised me to phone through to 111 . Long story short OOH GP said a very lose of diazepam (6 wee tablets) until therapist phones again. Which has helped, calmed down frantic anxiety a lot but not drugged me up.

They said same - need to process, said it will feel horrible for a few days but said probably did best possible thing telling therapist full details of exactly what I remember - as I said to them I think if she reads she will say, yes, assault, and that will maybe stop me continually questioning over and over again. Hopefully my therapist is OK reading it all.

It’s a weird and horrible feeling, like you say you suddenly realise why things were the way they were . Like a puzzle fitting together.

That's a good way of putting it, like a puzzle fitting together.

I think it will be helpful for your therapist to read what you've written. It'll give her the information of what happened and you won't need to go over it again unless you need to when you talk to her about the effect it's had on you.

You're doing all the right things, reaching out when you're struggling. It's a rocky path with a stone in your shoe just now but the stone will soon work its way out and there will be fewer rocks on the path the further you go

@Orgasmagorical

That's a good way of putting it, like a puzzle fitting together.

I think it will be helpful for your therapist to read what you've written. It'll give her the information of what happened and you won't need to go over it again unless you need to when you talk to her about the effect it's had on you.

You're doing all the right things, reaching out when you're struggling. It's a rocky path with a stone in your shoe just now but the stone will soon work its way out and there will be fewer rocks on the path the further you go

Oh that made me cry - thank you ❤️

Yes you’re right, now that it’s written out I don’t need to keep repeating the same horrible story .

Oh sorry, that's the last thing I meant to do, I hope you're okay

@Orgasmagorical

Oh sorry, that's the last thing I meant to do, I hope you're okay

Oh no not at all - I meant in a lovely way ❤️❤️ - it’s a lovely thing you wrote !! Enormously comforting - thank you 😚 xxx